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Stepmum76's picture

Submitted by Stepmum76 on Wed, 06/11/2014 - 5:24pm

Hello everyone! This is my first post. so bare with me. lol I have 2 stepkids ( two different mothers). SD 29 and SS18. SD lives in another country so we don't get to see her much at all. I get on great with her and her mother. We have been on holidays together etc. SS mother and I do not like each other at all. Actually I will go as far as saying I hate the woman and couldn't care if she was hit by a bus tomorrow.

Hubby and I been together for 12 years. Married 9. SS mother spoke to me for the 1st 2 years until we got engaged and then I was treated like crap. She called me the "outsider" and over the years I have tolerated being called many horrible names and been in some bad situations with her.

Let me give you a background of the biomum. She is 50 an alcoholic who has spoilt her son rotten since the day he was born. He has never been told no by her and literally been handed everything on a platter without having to work for anything.

now he is 18 and child support has stopped she has been phoning me to complain that SS wont get a job... Well hello you made him like this you pathetic excuse for a mother.... He refuses to put much of an effort into looking for work and she keeps blaming it on hubby saying SS is just lazy like his father.
SS also just lost his licence after only having it 10 months for speeding over 20km over the limit. More fool him. I have no sympathy.

I'm feeling very frustrated and down at the moment. Have had a huge few years. Hubby injured at work and had 2 back operations, I had to have a hysterectomy, deaths in family, 3 family members going through Chemotherapy at the moment and hubby lost his job a month ago... I'm not coping.

Hubby is not coping real well with the family member cancer diagnosis and seems to not really be looking for work., I have been cranky and nagging him about looking for work and so we are arguing more....

We deserve a break and I certainly don't need bio mother of my SS ringing to complain about SS not working when I could see this coming from the time I met him when he was 6...

Some people really should not be allowed to have children. Makes me angry when people like myself can't

Rant over - thanks for listening

Comments

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Wed, 06/11/2014 - 5:39pm

Welcome! You will find many others on this site with similar situations and similar feelings. As a suggestion, you may want to post on the "Adult step kids" section as many others are in the same boat with older skids issues

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 06/11/2014 - 5:46pm

Block BM's number, she doesn't need to be calling you for or about anything or anyone.

When child support ended for my SD, hubby and I were both done with BM. He told her to never call him again, he had nothing to say to her, ever. We have been BM free for almost 5 years.

I'm very sorry you are going through all of this, and all at once to boot. That is a lot to deal with.

(((hugs)))

I'm sure your husband has some depression with all that is going on; as hard as it is, one of the best things for him to do, is to DO something. Get his resume together, make some calls, fill out some applications, something, anything. It will only get worse as more time goes by and he does nothing. Maybe you could help him? He might not take it as nagging so much if you offer to help (even though you probably don't want to as that crap is no fun!).

I hope it gets better soon.

tightropewalker's picture

Submitted by tightropewalker on Wed, 06/11/2014 - 5:51pm

its very easy for Bio mums to blame everything on the biodads and step mums. its not fair though.
SS is 18 and needs to take responsibility for his own life and decisions. you can Tell him iv a calm and loving way that its his time to step up and take ownership for his life. Tell Bio Mum the same. send them love energetically, but calmly and lovingly put up your boundaries and leave them to deal with their own.
if any requests come your way for help etc, not as a whinge, but as a request, you and your hubby can weigh them up in your own time and decide how you will respond and get back to them.

you sound like you are under a lot of pressure with a lot of worries, step back, stay present in the moment right now when all is well and only deal with and think about each situation as is presents to you.

step parenting is hard, as is normal parenting. but also know that if you ground yourself, and approach each situation only as it comes without carrying past feelings that you can do anything!