DH's family STILL close with BM ... Why???
I signed up on Facebook last week (using my maiden name - just in case...) and searched for a few old friends (found one!!). In the process of searching people, I searched my hubby's last name. Guess who came up. Yep, DH's ex. Ick. The frumpy saggy boobs, saggy cheeks, and saggy eyes were enough to make me wretch.
Anyway, I looked at who she had as friends and to my surprise, she has 6 or 7 of DH's family members on there! I was told early in the year that BM doesn't speak with his family anymore and I know for a fact that she joined Facebook approx. 3 months ago. So either I was lied to or she's sneaking around. And to add to it, she wasn't close with a few of these people when they were married. Why now?
Ok, so it's not that this bothers me - BUT THIS BOTHERS ME! Granted, they were married for 15 years, but they've been separated for 6 and divorced for 2! My problem is that I'm a very private person and don't want the people that I know to know all of my business - especially BM. I know that SD20 blabs about what's going on with us after she visits or speaks with her father, but there's nothing we can do about that except to be careful about what we say around her.
So I'm thinking that what I say to SIL and nephews and nieces is getting back to her in a round-about way. I've stopped talking about anything private with any of them. It's tough tho. I want to be close to the in-laws. They're really pretty cool people, but I don't need BM getting in my business. It would be one thing if I knew she didn't care or ask questions about us, but I know that she does. SD20 still lives with BM and I know that they talk smack about me after each visit. It's apparent in what SD20 says while she's here.
Needless to say, I deactivated my account as soon as I found BM on there.
Does anyone else have this problem? Any ideas on how to get BM and SD20 to stay out of our biz??
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This is what I do..........
This just happened yesterday.........
I know BM will sometimes question the girls about what's going on, our plans for weekends, what we ate, who came over to visit, and right after we got engaged I know the skids were telling BM all about picking out dresses, cake, invitations, etc.......... This had to drive her nuts!!!!
Well, last night I was online making our reservations for next June because we are going on a vacation to Jamaica with three other couples with no KIDS. The girls came over and saw a picture of the resort and asked about it and I told them that me and daddy are going to Jamaica. They will tell their mother and she will HATE THIS!!!!!!!!
I don't know if it will prevent her from asking any more questions, but at least I KNOW with a certainty that she will not like the answers she gets.
OH
I wish that would work, but in my case it would just fuel the fire. SD20 and BM are two lonely women living together with apparently nothing better to do but chew the fat about what we're up to. And I know that SD20 tells BM about our trips. We've taken a trip to Fiji, cruise to Caribbean, Florida, Colorado in the past 2 years. So suddenly the two of them go to the Bahamas this summer. AND NEITHER OF THEM HAVE ANY MONEY! So I know that they did this just to show DH and I that they can do whatever we do. It's just really pathetic. We're actually planning a trip to FL again for the in-laws 50th anniversary and once they get wind of that, it's back to the gossiping all over again. Oh, and I hate to think of what will happen when DH tells SD20 that we're expecting. All hell will break loose.
Fuel the fire...........
You're probably right and in my case also this could be true, but I know for a fact that BM will never get to go anywhere!!! One time when she told her we were taking a trip to Gatlinburg, TN (just the two of us), and it was right after we got engaged, she called FH to "suggest" that we NOT get married there because this would break the girls' hearts because they would like to be present. He told her that if I wanted to get married there we most certainly would, but of course we are going to have a big production for our wedding and the girls are going to be junior bridesmaids. This burst her balloon a little. Also, the next day she calls to tell us that the same weekend we will be gone that in case we wanted to call and talk to the girls that we won't be able to because her "friend" Chris (we'd never heard of him before that day or after that day - I swear she made him up!) was flying her to Florida on Friday and she would be back on Sunday. How stupid does she think we are?! Fly to Florida for - what, ONE day, basically! She just wanted us to think that she wouldn't be sitting home while we are having a romantic getaway. How pathetic?! And guess what, she did not go anywhere. She shipped the girls to friends and she spent the weekend at the local watering hole which happens to be about a mile from our house and I know everybody in there. We never did ask what happened to her big Florida trip. When she finds out we're going to Jamaica, she will come up with some great, wonderful, IMAGINARY thing that she's doing. SO CHILDISH!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck...
I know my FH's family is friends with our BM because her brother is married to my FH's twin sister. Creepy right?
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Bummer. And I thought I'd never get rid of BM. My heart goes out to you!
That's exactly why
JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH
I won't add my SD's or any of DH's family to my facebook friends. I have my friends, colleagues and some of my family on there but I don't need the hassle of worrying about BM, Skids or in-laws getting into my business. We have to be very careful what we say around any of his family because not only do they tell everything they know, they also have a habit of twisting & turning the facts around to make a better story. Arrraaaggghhh!
On a lighter note, we're getting ready to go on vacation soon and I don't even want to tell his family - I told DH to just answer his cell phone like we were at home, lol!!
It would be worth the extra $ it'll cost for the calls, but hey, how can you put a price on peace?
It was this type of situation that drove me here
Besides the victim/abusive BM and out of control SKs, it was the in-law problems. I swear, they act like the divorce didn't happen, DH is out of town (permanently! LOL) and she goes to everything they do. Even thought the kids can drive on their own. They even do the cutesy seasonal gifty things for each other. In contrast, they treat me like poop. Didn't acknowledge our marriage and even ignored me in public and at family occasions. Ironically, they never liked her and told DH that during the divorce. We get married, and boom, she's their best friend.
Our BM also did the traveling thing. That woman hasn't been more than 50 miles form home in twenty years. We were traveling on biz and suddenly she's jetting around. LOL.
at least your in-laws dont invite BM over for Thanksgiving!
When I first met DH, the inlaws invited me and BM over for Thanksgiving dinner, because "she has no other place to go on Thanksgiving". WTF??? I called it quits after that. But DH pursued me and 2 years later here I am! I put my foot down, she has not been invited to thanksgiving or christmas or whatever since. It's not like she's great friends with my MIL, she's just good at making people feel guilty about how my DH "abandoned her and the baby". the baby by the way is 10!!!!