My x lives on the other side of America so it's really rare that DH has to deal with him. They've always gotten along really good though, so I don't think they would ever have any problems. The only thing that has ever happend is DH once had to tell him that he knows he is my sons father, but he is dad sometimes, he deserves that respect, and don't bad mouth his wife. to anyone. ever. Other than that their relationship has been really good. They never hang out, they only talk on the phone when plans are being made. I think x would rather deal with him anyways and that's fine with me. They get along, we don't, so it's a win win situation!

BM isn't married, hasn't even dated anyone yet. But know DH the way I do I think he'll be fine with any guy she's with as long as he's cool with SD's.

Ha ha. My DH has talked to my exes, but there is no way they would hang out or 'become buddies."

BM did have one BF that we liked, and we actually did socialize with them once or twice. Then he moved away and BM went back to being an ass.

"Then he moved away and BM went back to being an ass." LOL....

FH is civil with my ex but I wouldn't say that they get along because he hates that my ex is an absent parent. There have been times when my ex has stood up my son, again, and I gave FH my cell phone to answer instead of me because I was so angry. He wasn't rude or disrespectful, but truthful.

wellllll, I think if Ex's family invited FH and I to go to a family function, I think he would. He's better than me in that aspect, lol. He would go because he knows it would be good for BS to see and he actually likes some of the family.
I have realized that any normalcy expected from this type of situation should just go out the window. I have taken family pics with BM, ex, FH, skids, skids half siblings, BS' half siblings, etc. Sounds weird, but it works.

My DH will hang out with XH if they are invited to the same event (for the kids of course) but outside of that...it'snot going to happen. As for my XH's second wife, we get along quite well and we go out for drinks occasionally but its not because she's my kids SM. I just plain like the chick. We would hang out regardless. As for my DH's XW, she rather live in a dreamworld and not know I existed. Personally, I feel the same way about her.

For the record, my XH has joked around in saying, "holy crap! Why did I introduce these women. All they do is poke fun at me." Be careful what you wish for because it might come true."

My current xh doesn't have any reason to get to know my current h. My kids are grown. His relationship is no longer facilitated by me. Its all on him now.

My xh's xwife's current husband used to come to my house all the time. In fact, he wound up inviting himself to christmas dinner at my house one time. I thought it was weird, but my xh said he doesn't blame the guy for wanting to get away from her.

My question is, to those SMs who have been been married before, how do the DHs handle this type of situation? Not regarding the BM, but regarding an ex-H. Does your ex-H get along well with your current H? Do they 'hang out'? Do they talk on the phone?

-----> My Ex isn't in the picture, but I would imagine that BF would, on his part, get along with Ex. BF is very laid back and non-confrontational, he takes alot of things with a grain of salt. He wouldn't go as far as to wanting a friendship with him or hang out with him, they are two totally opposite ppl, but he would be cordial with him and respectful. Now my Ex on the other hand IS confrontational and likes to be the center of attention, so I can imagine that Ex would try to push to see how far he can get to make BF mad.

Also, when a BM remarries, does your H befriend the ex-W's new husband? Does your H attend family gatherings and events with the ex-W's new H in attendance?

-----> Well considering BM is currently married to the guy she had an affair on BF with, I don't see this happening.

It probably makes BF uncomfortable that me and BM get along and "talk" sometimes, as I would imagine it would make me feel if he befriended my Ex. But the way things are now with BM has helped me tremendously, not only with my relationship with BF, but with having empathy, understanding, and compassion for her. I also think the fact that we do get along gives BF the impression that he can be overly "nice" to BM at times, or maybe he feels that it's safe to insert her in things since I'm ok with her. But even with our mutual understanding and respect for one another, and with us getting along pretty well, there are and always will be boundaries that shouldn't be crossed by any of us.

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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."

My H and My Ex get along really well. They are very supportive of each others roles in the kids lives.

My Ex and I consider each other as family...not as ex's. I think my H was a little nervous about that in the beginning, but I don't talk to my Ex every day, we don't have each others email addresses, he's not on my Facebook. We correspond for the kids sake and that's pretty much it, but lend support and friendship when/if it's needed. My H realized very quickly that there's nothing left there, I had no feelings left for the ex, etc..and got over his nervousness pretty quick.

I wish BM and us could have that kind of relationship.

~ Please excuse me, I have a low bullsh*t tolerance... ~

Well I've made it clear that EH and I get along fantastically. DH actually kind of likes my EH too. He thinks he's a dumbass, and well, he really is, but the likable kind. They wouldn't hang out, but we've done plenty of things together and EH and his last wife came to our house several times for events for perfectson.

DH's 1st EW is a fantastic lady. My SS stb22 has never given us more than the usual amount of teenage grief. He's a great kid and even just bought his first home! Yay! 1st EW lives 3 houses down from me and her parents (DH's 1st ex-inlaws) are my next door neighbors. All of them are great people. Yes, we've had some disagreements but nothing bad. We've all gone to dinner many many times and spent a lot of time in each other's homes.

DH's 2nd EW is the nutcase. Actually, she wasn't always a nut either. We got along decent enough for my SDs sake until BM remarried, moved away and had a bunch more kids. About a year and a half ago she went bonko but up until then we could go into each other's homes on pickups/dropoffs whatever and it was no big deal, we made each other welcome. Now, nah, I wouldn't waste my precious presence on her!

Neither mine or my DH's ex live in the same state as us (THANK GOD), but I will say that my DH has always been kind in regards to my ex, and towards him, and has tried to respect his wants/opinions even though my ex is a total PSYCHO. He is much better about handling him than I am, or was. I am doing better now because he is not as psycho anymore. I have never said anything to BM in person besides "hi" the first time I met her 4 years ago. I have argued with her over email and text before though. Bottom line, my DH is the nice guy, the passive one, and I am the stubborn, won't back down one. We try to balance each other out

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

I'll tell you why I think the men get along better. It's because they are men. Thiis means that no ex-husband would ever dare yell at the ex-wife, because he knows if he does, he might get his behind kicked by the new husband. He also knows that if he ever attempted to flirt with his ex-wife, and the new husband found out, he'd also be kicked in the behind...If he even tried to pretend that he was still married to you and expected you to do things for him, the new husband would also set him straight.

With women? It's all different. Women somehow think it's ok to flirt with ex's because "they were there first"...it's ok to yell at their ex's, because "she's doing it for the children"...it's ok to pretend to still be married and for the ex-husbands to do things for them, because "they are the poor woman who needs help and he should do it for the children"

None of the things that women do would ever be tolerated by the men. Period. Therefore, there are clear guidelines and if any man does any of the things that women do to their ex's, everyone would be thrilled that the new husband is standing up for his wife. If a woman stands up for her husband she is told that he's a big boy and can take care of himself. If the man stands up on his own, he is told he doesn't care about his kids and only about the new wife...

my dh hates my ex! He'll put up with him for my son, but that's it. My ex and I remained really good friends after the divorce, and yes we did talk nearly everyday on the phone. DH got so jealous that I had to stop all conversation etc (excpet in regard to our son). Dh hubby is currently in the process of getting it through his head that I am with HIM not my ex, and that he has no reason to feel jealous or insecure. Apparently it's a hard thing to over come (I'm not the jealous or insecure type, so I sometimes have diffaculty seeing where he is coming from).

Middlemom - that would be great!