Interesting read. Thanks for sharing! 

I call it choosing to be "Team Clove". In my friendship circle, there is conflict, so I am in a position to "keep the peace" or "choose a side".

Im not going to be Switzerland. And I do not need switzerland friends.

Husband TRIES to always keep the peace. But as soon as SD B/M reaches 18. I think even before that...he will feel better able to tell Toxic Troll whats on his mind. Right now, because of his fear of family court, he works hard to keep things peaceful.

This is a good article. There is no such thing as keeping the peace. What these divorced dad's think is keeping the peace is not anything of the sort, it's submitting to BM and SKs demands so they don't make his life hell. Its allowing blackmail and extortion is all it is.

Opting out of conflict is a more appropriate term. And by doing that they're being complicet to injustice.  It's cowardly.

You can use fear to get you way too. Many demanding BMs back down when you call their bluff. In our case she was keeping SD from DH no matter what he did so he started pushing back. Thankfully he's not afraid of BM anymore. She can't do anything as long as she gets that CS check.

My in laws on the other hand, my DH is still afraid of upsetting them. I think he will need a therapist to stop "keeping the peace" with them. The best he can do is limit how often we have to interact with them.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I've told DH that silence is assent. 

Don't want to upset the EX.   OR. Who cares if there upset. Or still has feelings for the ex.

Dont want to upset the kids   OR  don't want to parent, easyer for kids to be in charge 

Dont want to upset new SO.  OR. Don't care. SO is all ready upset for being second. 

Don't want CS to go up.       OR.   They will get money other ways. Buy back to school clothes,  pay for activities 

It doesn't work. Non upseter has everyone upset at them.  Except the kids because they have no rules and get everything 
 

Good article. I don't believe in keeping the peace. It's just a euphemism for avoiding the issues and allowing bad behavior to flourish. Very unhealthy, especially for kids.

Keeping the peace often is an attempt to not take sides... to not get in the middle.. but in the end.. it generally results in both of the sides being unhappy.

It's like my MIL who would not take a position on my BIL/SIL's ducks and chickens they decided to get and put on "our" property.  We both rent from his parents (provides them income.. and my DH is closer to help if they need it.. BIL lives in the inlaw apartment attached to their home.. we live in his grandfather's home next door.. would also note that BIL rarely helps his dad.. my DH is the one most often volunteering to assist.)

My perspective is that since we objected.. and it was on property we were "renting".. that we should have some say.. his mom didn't want to take sides.. but not taking sides meant BIL and SIL got to keep their chickens and ducks.. including roosters who by the way do NOT just crow at sun up... letting them run the yard so we dodge poop on our way to our cars.. no way to fence the property and they won't contain them.. long story there.

The right thing was for them to not have a nuisance in a neighborhood.. technically illegally close to the water also.  But his mom is so worried about offending her son and his wife.. that we were the ones told to "suck it up".. 

Karma has come around though.. my SIL is in end stage liver failure.. just found out hospitalized yet again.. and yep.. she was still drinking.. so good luck getting that transplant.