How much is too much?
DH pays $1000/mo for ONE child and SD is 18 in a private college (she could have had a full ride to other schools, but of course had to choose to pay out the wazoo instead). DH pays $10000/year toward her school and care. DH supplied $10000 car for kids.
BM agreed to pay car insurance and $3000/year for SS college -- verbally.
BOTH of which she has now decided NOT to do. SD had to take out BM's portion of what she agreed to pay in student loans.
A long time ago DH verbally agreed to pay 50/50 for extracurricular expenses.
When BM decided this year to NOT pay those things she verbally agreed to pay, DH told me he would no longer pay for what he verbally agreed to pay either.
Keep in mind that not much of that $1000 child support ever gets to the kids.
Today, DH tells me I'll have to get a check for $100 to SS tomorrow for his extracurricular expenses. That's NOT 50/50 that the whole thing. Not only is DH paying his half, but also hers. Keep in mind CS is due Friday.
DH just lets it go, doesn't want the battle, doesn't get the point, doesn't understand why it upsets me. To me, he's supporting HER when he does that. It's NOT okay.
Input?
- SteppedOn's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Same boat..
We pay for everything for SS too. We do it for SS, not because of BM at all. But believe me, we have a record of everything. Everytime we head to court, we bring in receipts and documents to show how much we have spent and what she has given us... zero. The court usually makes her pay back pay too us. Makes her fume! It's stated that both parents are to pay 50/50 by court, but BM NEVER does.
So, I know how you feel... infact, the actual truth of the matter is that I paid for ALL of SS sports and extracurricular on my own with out DH or BM. It's just this past year that I quit working and now my DH actually is paying for it now. But I did it for SS... nothing more, nothing less. That's how I looked at it and told my self even though it made my blood boil and I sacrificed my needs. I knew that in the end, it made SS happy and he knew WHO was looking out for his best interests.
So, as unfair as it is, sometimes it's better to just silently go further on it and really be involved in SS's extracurricular, because it will pay off and you'll have a better relationship. That's what drove my BM crazy because I AM so involved with SS's life. She hates it.
Verbal agreements are
Verbal agreements are meaningless. Even if both parties put it in writing it is meaningless. The only thing that ever matters is whatever is on file with the courts. I hate it when the CS doesn't go to the child, but to fund BM's lifestyle. We are in that boat, as well. Fortunately for us, there's nothing in the court documents that says we have to pay for anything above and beyond the CS. She has to pay for EVERYTHING the kids need/want, all incidentals, etc. out of that CS amount. Maybe he should talk to the BM and advise her that from now on, all verbal agreements are OFF and that both sides will adhere to the court documents. The CS is to be used for the needs/wants of the child period. That amount is more than enough to cover incidentals, as well as the basic necessities.
~ Anne ~
That's not the point for sure.
This is SteppedOn -- system isn't letting me log on.
So because we are responsible with our income and she is not we are supposed to pay again and again? Why should we be responsible for her selfishness???
No, it would not be a burden on us because we make sure we are doing the right things with our money. She on the other hand has never managed money, put hubby in debt which he had to assume in the divorce even though she cheated on him and was the reason for the debt. Shortly after that she filed for bankruptcy and has continued to misuse CS for her own uses such as fine clothing, accessories, tanning, botox and other expensive "necessities" for herself. I find it awful odd that those things are never something she does without during the times money is tight. It is the kids who have to go without.
How is it that we should have to pay for her reckless behavior? If we don't force the issue of CS being spent on the child, then it never will.
Keep in mind that CS was $1000/mo for TWO kids up until spring when SD turned 18. Now she doesn't pay ANYTHING for SD, she's our full responsibility. We didn't change the amount of CS after that because when we consulted an attorney we found that it would only go down by about $45 dollars and it isn't worth the attorney fees to get it changed for only the 1 1/2 years left.
How many times over do we have to pay for CS? I DO NOT approve of us fronting a dime for that bitch. Why is it that we should be made to feel guilty for not paying over and over again when she never gets CS to them in the first place? We pay way more than our fair share. SS should be dressing like a GQ model and eating steak every night with what we pay in CS.
The way I see it is that if we are paying the proper amount of CS, she is working a decent job and she STILL can't afford to pay for his extracurriculars, then he needs live with us because something is WRONG!!!
I hear you Stepped on
That would irritate me too, especially when my income is contributing to this. It sounds as though you contribute plenty...way more than most. Hope this works out for you!
Well...
Hubby did NOT pay and he got a message from ex asking again for it. He was supposed to tell her the situation is that if she isn't going to abide by her verbal agreements, then he isn't either. It's funny but she called and left the message at the very same time that she was opening up the $1000 CS check hubby just handed her. Duh! Obviously she has no idea that CHILD support is supposed to be spent on the CHILD.