SD told me what she deserves when I die!
I have a SD(27) who I had a great relationship with until she turned around 11years old, and has made life a struggle since. Recently, after years of not talking, she apologized for payments she wasn't making on a loan she asked her dad to co-sign for and told him she never ended up needing the loan. She told him she declined the money. Well, that was a lie and it's been years of trying to get her to make payments. She came up to visit, apologized for not paying it and said she doesn't know why she doesn't pay it and is going to start paying it, which also turned out to be a lie. Then proceeded to tell me what jewelry of mine she deserves when I die. I was quite taken back by that and when I let my husband know what she said to me, his response was, "I never heard her say that." I informed him that's because she told me that when he wasn't around. I get so sick of his responses. I got a will prepared and made sure I have it set where my items go. His attitude reminds me of when she was a teenager and used to steal from me. The only thing he would respond to me with is...."well, maybe she liked it."
SD, who never talks to my mom, messaged her out of the blue the other day asking for decorating suggestions for a place her boyfriend bought. We have a feeling that is her way of trying to see if people will give her things. She tried with a washer and dryer with myself and I told her to watch the papers for sales. I am not having this girl screw my mom over like she did my husband's mom and himself by co-signing this for her. Luckily my mom is on top of her crap and responded with a short message of "Looks like you have a blank slate to work with, and it should be pretty easy." She then called me to find out what she wants after not speaking to her for years!!
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I hope you and your husband
I hope you and your husband have gotten good legal advice on your estate planning. Obviously, you should probably be transparent with the people who you DO want to give certain things.. and probably start keeping valuables in some sort of safe.. where only another trusted family member knows the combo (in an emergency). I would go as far as including pictures of the items with your wills.. stipulating what they are in the will.. and who will get them.
The land we live on is in my
The land we live on is in my name and was given to me as an inheritance. Our mortgage is in both names. I recently had a trust made to make sure the home/property/my parents belongings went to our 2 children. I haven't transferred the land ownership title with our town yet, which I just have to bring in my paperwork. The trust would be in both of our names, but it would have our 2 children as the beneficiaries and from my understanding, if I passed away, he would need the kids signature to change the trust and my children won't change it because they feel they shouldn't have their grandparents items taken away, the other kids have their own mom and grandparents. I love your idea with the photos for the will. I'm going to do that. Thank you. Our will is a joint will. I left a copy with our oldest son together, and I have one in our safe along with all of my jewelry. I gave my son the combo. I think I will get more legal advice before handing in the property paperwork.
Yes.. do get legal advice.
Yes.. do get legal advice. Especially make sure that somehow you haven't comingled your inheritance by having taken a mortgage on the home on that land. And.. do make sure things are all legally in order otherwise. There are benefits and drawbacks to joint wills.. your lawyer can advise what is best for your way forward.
oh Jeeze
Of course you know, from reading around here, that your HUSBAND is the problem. Coddling and Catering is the name of his game.
Im sure that there is a LOT more to your story. Feel free to share when you like.
And take ESMODs advice and up it - take care of BOTH your wills so that you dont end up with the rug pulled out from under you if anything happens to DH.
Yes, they went from"can do no
Yes, they went from"can do no wrong" children, to adults that don't take accountability for any of their actions. I have 21 years of getting crapped on and I feel my husband has never shown me support. I have really been trying to stick to the better or worse part of the vows, but damn!!!! I KNOW it's him and everyone who has been catering to the BS for years. They act like they are the only divorced family in the world! I do a lot of internal eye rolling.
I have so many stories about how disrespectful and disgusting they can be. Here are several on the other child... He used to mas**ba*+ and leave it all over the house, under couch ( my little kid's friend found that on a tshirt and pulled from under a couch), pillow cases and put the crusty thing back in the clean sheets(found when changing sheets for sister in law to visit), then moved on to his daddy's shirts. Gross!!! No matter what I said, my husband told me I was overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. As an adult visiting our new home, he did it in our guest bedroom in a pillowcase again and put it back!!!! When he was younger I caught him taking my expensive doTERRA lavender oil, so I put deep blue in it and said nothing! Also as an adult, he has pissed on my couch and got mad at me because I told him to clean it up. Then the next time he came to visit, we found him naked in our guest bedroom with his pants around his ankles and piss all over my wooden floor. After I yelled at him to clean it up again he took paper towel and soaked it up with the stuff on the floor and put it in my face and said it was just water that he spilled his cup that was magically nowhere on the ground or in that room. He wasn't even sleeping in that room, he wandered in there in the middle of the night sometime. Yes, he also has a drinking problem! My oldest birth son chewed his ass for that one!
Wtf. I wouldn't have that
Wtf. I wouldn't have that adult son back in my home if i were you. Disgusting.
Trust me, I don't! My husband
Trust me, I don't! My husband hides it from me until they are basically on my doorstep and makes up some BS excuse of why the man child is almost at our door. We live about 6 hours away, I know he's lying! I feel bad relying on my birth oldest to parent the man child, but I raised him to have respect and he jumps all over man child when he is being a POS. I have had neighbors tell man child off for being an arrogant drunk a$$ before as well. Very embarrassing. I have had calls to come pick him up late at night for being a drunk idiot in town! Ok we have had many of those and the sad part is he hasn't lived with us for 6 years now because he's an adult! I am relieved he moved away now!
Public humiliation and
Public humiliation and instant bared asses for these types works. Pain modifies behavior. You and your DH have a long marriage and IMHO is is long past time to go zero tolerance for his noxious Skidult failed family progeny.
Absolute zero tolerance. They get zero quarter for their crap. You know the history. Use it. Brutally. To address their ongoing noxious manipulative crap.
No more letting DH even start to give an excuse for them or their behaviors.
See how daddy likes having his nose forced into the stench created by his crap parenting and the shit spawn that he created.
Have a specific Will drawn up that leaves anything and everything that is yours that you have an interest in to a Trust that immediately goes to charity the second his noxious spawn get a single Cent. As men tend to pre-decease their wives by 7-10yrs if they are the same age, add the age difference to that period, the odds are that you will survive him which makes it all a moot point. You can leave your estate to whoever you choose and give nothing to whoever you choose to give nothing.
Grrrrrr.
Time for the winky yanking drunk to move his shit to a refrigerator box at the homeless camp under the local overpass.
Take care of you.
Good grief, Stepped!
Good grief, Stepped!
I had to shake my head in near disbelief, while reading the carryings on by your SS and his prolific emanations; thought that I was reading a chapter of ‘Portnoy’s Complaint’, you poor thing!
Worse still, you got stuck with a Disney Dad extraordinaire, the category of ‘Daaaaddddyyyy’ who sports a pair of rose-coloured glasses that will never perish. Your SD wants her choice of your jewelry? Hmmmmm…. Too bad that I tossed my collection of circa 1960 pop-beads, particularly since Etsy now sells them for about a thousand times more than they cost my teen self. You could have given the greedy little bitch a handful of yon colourful plastic and assured her that the beads were both vintage and valuable.
Your oldest, birth son sounds like a stand-up guy. I have one of those myself and always feel safe and protected when we’re out and about. Hon, he sounds like an excellent beneficiary for your worldly goods.
The worst part is
There is nobody else to leave my stuff to. Cousin? When you don't have kids of your own.
Choose a charity that you
Choose a charity that you feel deserves your contribution if you don't want your step kids to inherit anything that you worked hard for.
Another vote
For getting your affairs in order. I made a living trust last year with all the rental properties in it that go to my adult children and not Chef. I don't want Chef's brats getting one penny should he cave and he would easily do so even though he acts as though he wants nothing to do with them.
He is merely working for room and board. He doesn't have to pay any of the bills or do any of the finances. He came to me with nothing but the shirt on his back literally, a huge child support obligation and a bunch of mad construction skills. But the drama and baggage he had was so not worth it.
"Was" so not worth it? Is it worth it now?
Having to raise your own mate is not something anyone should do. Ever.
IMHO.
Take care of you.