BM out again on her weekend...
Maybe we're being overly critical and feel free to tell me if I am, but at least once a week on a night that BM has the kids (SS2 and SD4), she goes out. Does anyone else think this is ridiculous? It is a 50/50 schedule. Why does she need to go out on the nights she has the kids? Is it that hard to stay home with your children?
Friday night: BM wrote on Facebook (the idiot can't figure out how to set her privacy settings) that she was staying in with the kids on Friday night. DF and I were in shock that she was staying home on a Friday night AND that she was posting anything regarding her children on there (she has only one picture of them and NEVER mentions them, it's like she doesn't want people to know she is a mother). A few hours later at 9pm she posted how bored she was and said if anyone wanted to come over and play drinking games that she was game.
Saturday night: DF's sister runs into BM at the bowling alley of all places. BM hugs SIL for like 5 minutes and SIL told us that she was absolutely wasted and so was everyone with her. She then had the audacity to tell SIL, "Don't tell DF that I am out, ok?" Of course good little SIL texts DF right away and tells him about it. It's pretty obvious she knows she shouldn't be out...but that wouldn't stop her! Does anyone think he should bring this up with her?
Just to clarify, my issue is not that she drinks. We drink too and like to go out. WHY WHY WHY can't she just stay home with the kids at least ONE night on her weekend? I know that it is none of our business what she does with the kids on her weekend (as long as it's not hurtful) but it is just SO BLATANTLY obvious that she puts herself first, not the kids. And it makes us so sad that she pawns them off every chance she gets, when she doesn't even see them half the week! Not surprisingly, SD4 is always asking when she'll get to see Mommy and complaining about never getting to see her.
It also makes us feel helpless because we'd love to have the kids more often, but instead they go to a babysitter.
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I don't think it's overly
I don't think it's overly critical at all. Wilda does the same thing, only it's usually that she sends SD off to her parents house. Every once in a while is no big deal at all but when it happens on the majority of her weekends, I think it's ridiculous. She complains about how little time she has with her yet she ships her off any chance that she gets. It's selfish, yet BF's the selfish one. I love how good they are at turning that around!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
YES it happens
YES it happens constantly...like I said, at least once a week (sometimes on week nights). She uses the whole, "Well it doesn't matter because they go to sleep at 9 anyways...they're just sleeping!"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
At least yours has to answer
At least yours has to answer to it. BF never says anything to Wilda about it & it makes me nuts. I guess it's not worth starting a fight over & I'm documenting everything, but jeez!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
SS11 BM does this EVERY
SS11 BM does this EVERY weekend!!!! We have him EOW but she has him NO weekends. On the weekends that she is supposed to have him she ALWAYS finds someone to pawn him off on! She has even tried to get us to watch him....saying she had something important to do. Caught the idiot on FB talking about this party that she wanted to go to!!! Ummm.....nope not babysitting so you can get hammered.....sssssoooorrrryyyyy!!! Caught her another weekend when we were NOT supposed to have him but DH said that it was ok if she was going out of town. We pull up in the driveway and there is a friend of hers there dropping his dogs off so she can dog sit for them!!! How the hell are you dog sitting when you are out of town?!?!? That was the last time! If it's not our weekend....we don't get him! She posts pictures on FB just about every weekend.....she's hammered and either at a bar or has a house full of people at her house. She is SO ridiculous!
****I can do bad all by myself****
But it's like, does DF SAY
But it's like, does DF SAY something to her about this or just let it go? There have been times where he says something to her about it and she just gives the line, "well they're sleeping" or "stop harassing me" or "Why do you care what I'm doing on the weekend". It doesn't get anywhere. But the fact that she thought his own sister wouldn't tell him? That's ridiculous!
Isn't it funny how they
Isn't it funny how they don't consider the fact that you can follow them on Facebook??? I have a FB account, but I have adjusted my settings to where she can't search for me, and if she stumbles across a common friend, she still can't see my info. You'd think they'd think to cover their tails before they post that stuff!!!
I know that kills me....I
I know that kills me....I want to say "Are you REALLY that stupid to post that?" But the answer is YES so no point in asking! HAHAHA
****I can do bad all by myself****
If this is a common
If this is a common occurrence then you're not being overly critical. My XH and I have split custody and he goes out all the time when its his weekend with the kids. Mind you the grandparents are always up for grabs because they LOVE seeing them so he uses them to his advantage. I'm a little more selfish with my time with them but periodically my kids will stay overnight with a relative. It's rare I've had kids go with the relatives for my sake unless its for an adult only wedding or something.
If this doesn't happen that often or even if its every Friday night then I'd bare with it. Has DH talked to BM about this?
Okay I got more info from
Okay I got more info from your above comments. Is she really getting a sitter or just putting them down and going out? Now that's something to look into because that's child endangerment to leave a 2 and 4 year old home alone regardless if their asleep or not.
DH needs to know the name and contact info of the sitter. He can as that as a stipulation and also add First Right of Refusal if she gone x amount of hours away from the kids.
i think it's sweet that you
i think it's sweet that you care..... but if the kids aren't in danger -- it really is none of your business how she conducts herself as a mother on her time......
if you & dh are really concerned about the kids, then you could go for full custody?? do you want that???
I really have to agree with
I really have to agree with starfish on this one. As long as she is paying for a babysitter, than it is her business. It really is hard to be a single mother.
BM sometimes has to work or sometimes goes out with friends when she has stepkids on her days. But it is none of our business. Just like she thinks that if we have the kids, and we have a prior engagement, then it is our responsibility to get a babysitter. Because it is her time off from.
If you are worried about the kids when it is her weekends, then tell her that you will watch the kids. I am sure she would rather have that than having to pay for a sitter!
BM used to do this as
BM used to do this as well... the skids were spending their "mom" weekends at grandmas house... then the skids (SD especially) would cry and beg to stay with mom when it was time to go to dads cuz they felt like they hadn't spent any time with mom. Irresponsible parents are frustrating... although it's morally wrong, there is really nothing that says she can't go out on her nights with the kids. I had to just quit thinking so much about it... why stress if there was nothing anyone could do?
He fought for full custody
He fought for full custody but in our state it's very rare that the father gets anything. He has joint legal custody and "extended visitation"...even though it is half the time. I don't understand why it ended up that way, except that his lawyer didn't really do anything to help him out and he even ended up paying more child support than before the lawyers got brought in. It is really confusing to me.
Also, we are gathering evidence to petition for custody again. This will be one more thing to add to the list. We will probably have to wait to be married by then as well so we can prove that we are a more "stable" environment...so until then we are collecting information from her idiotic ways
And in response to StepChicka and some others - we are fairly certain that MOST of the time the kids are at her mom's house. This of course is acceptable as if we had family in town we'd probably use them more often as well. But it does state in the stipulation that if they stay overnight anywhere or if they are with someone else for over 24 hours that he has the first right. He hasn't fought much about the overnight when he's known they're at grandma's, but maybe he should since it's in the stipulation?
I don't think she's so dumb that she'd leave the kids at home...I hope...*gulp*
Be lucky that you only have
Be lucky that you only have the kids eow. My fiance and I have joint custody of his girl, which they are supposed to be with us from friday to friday. Their mother had them all of 2 days the whole month of March. I never EVER ger any alone time with him. I have two children of my own, both boys, one 18 and one 14. They do their own thing but his girls stay shoved up his ass 24/7 when they are at the house. They even had the audacity to sneak out of our house and go to their moms one night and tell her they had to leave because they heard moaning coming from our bedroom. PLEASE!!!!! We both have to get up at 4 in the morning and work 10 hours a day and the only time we have together when sex could actually happen we have two teenage girls who will not go to bed and continually bang on our door if it is closed. Please don't get me started,lol.
so, I pretty much have the
so, I pretty much have the same situation as you except my ss's bm doesnt drink. She dragged my hubby to court sooo many times and always fights for more time w/ ss. but yet when its her time to have him, she never has him. She gives him to her sister, or mother. Granted i am grateful that he is with family rather than a stranger but really....you miss your child yet when you have the opportunity to be with him your not...my DH tried to talk to her about it but it always ends up in a fight or more of an issue than it was before. For a while instead of leaving my ss with someone she would take him with her and that would result in him not going to bed at a decent hour or getting a good meal or just good old time at home. so in the long run he did more damage than good by bringing it up. My advice to you, is to keep it to yourself and just observe and write everything down and keep track of all of this and present it to your lawyer when you decide to go for custody again. If she is the type of bm to always fight w/ your dh then its truly not worth it. Just make sure that your time with your skids is special, routine, calm, happy and devoted to them in many ways. If your skids bring up that they never see their mom- tell them the truth in a neutral way. Thats what we did w/ my ss. He said " my mom never sees me and she said its because daddy always has me." we set it straight. Telling him that she has him just as much as we do but she chooses to spend her time differently. while we like for ss to see his grandparents our time as a family is important too.etc....good luck!