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I'm not happy....long, but please read!

peachgirl's picture

Imeally struggling right now. I feel my relationship is really to cause of all my stress and anxiety, ill explain. When DH and I got together, things were really good, I was excited to see him and kids! Now Im so miserable and im on edge all the time my, DH and I (at the time he was my boyfriend) have been throught the ringer and instead of leaving him, I chose to stay and absorb all the emotions that came along with it all. Here is a few things that has happened the past 2 years; December 2018 he showed me texts that BM has sent him they said she was going on a date and she was super nervous, and another was she wanted to use him as an emergency contact when she has her own family that live here. I got super upset about this, like why are you using him to talk about your personsal life and using him as a medical contact? Well i put an end to that....fast forward to March 2019, my SO lost his job he was making good money and he had just bought a house as well. We were living off my salary and my CS from my ex, yes he did get unemployment but it was so small it was basiclly for the mortgage and thats it. I work full time 8 hours a day and i would come home to his kids being there everyday eating all the food, this continued for 6 months. We even went on vacation and i financed the whole trip. Eventually SO got a job working second shift, i was so happy he found a job little did i know this opened up a whole lot of problems. SO signed SD up for swimming which practice was every night, he never asked me my thoughts or even went over with me that they were signing her up so I had to take my boys to their practices on my nights and his kids to their practice on his nights while working 4a to 12:30p everyday. I became very sick from exhaustion. He saw me struggle but made no attempts to fix it and i said nothing as i didnt want to disapoint. December came, and his daughter was diagnosed with lymphoma, i was there with him from the moment we found out and even being with his daughter in the ER when she got sick, he would have to stay like 2 nights in a row with her because BM "couldnt" stay. that was very emotionally hard and draining. He still works this job and is looking for a new one so he can work 1st. BM has since took their kids back to have them all the time at nights and he still gets them during the day. (there is a whole story behind BM taking the kids, it was very hurtful) anyways im on edge all the time around them, he puts them first all the time and when i ask for "our" time he gets all weird and defensive. Basicaly what im getting at here is, i could of given up on him and our relationship but i chose to stay. I dont know if everything is starting to come to the surface but now im feeling so overwhelmed and sad, angry frustrated. I love him so much but i dont know how much more i can do this. His kids are so ungratful they are slobs and complain about everything. My kids get in trouble all the time and just want to be accepted. What do i do, im starting to resent him and his kids. I was afraid it was going to get to this, when i try to talk to him about it, it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other, and i feel so terrible. I dont want to complain to him, but it needs fixed. I hate being on edge and living like this. What do i do???

hereiam's picture

You and your kids don't deserve to live like this. So, you have a decision to make.

The decision to end a marriage or a long term relationship is never easy but sometimes it's the right choice.

Only you can decide.

His kids and BM are not the only people who matter, here. His feelings are not the only things that matter. He doesn't seem to care about your feelings or what you are going through, so you need to look out for you and yours.

Resentment is never good for a relationship.

peachgirl's picture

@hereiam This is what i have been thinking for the last couple days, overall he is an amazing human and has put up with my struggles. I feel like with what we had been through he should acknowledge it and do everything to make it work. It may come off as me being selfish but our relationship hasnt been the easiest, and on top of that BM has the perfect life. She doest care who she offends and can still guilt my DH. I hate all of this i hate my life. thanks for your input

Kes's picture

You don't seem selfish at all, rather the opposite. One of the main things I've learned in the 2nd half of my life, is that it's no good making oneself uncomfortable so that someone else can be comfortable - it doesn't work - it just makes you very resentful and causes long term problems. You are telling your DH about the sources of your unhappiness and he is ignoring them - this makes a future long term relationship unsustainable unless he changes. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

An "amazing human" does not sign his kids up for an activity and expect his wife to drive them to it without asking her first.

What do you mean by this? "My kids get in trouble all the time and just want to be accepted." Who are they getting in trouble with and who is not accepting them? Is this the right environment for your kids?

Rags's picture

You and your children cannot be subservient to he and his children.  Time to flip the script.  Demand that he schlep your kids to and from practices, etc, etc, etc....  If he refuses, you have your answer on the viability of this relationship.  If he cannot step up, or worse, refuses to step up..... he is not the Mr. Wonderful you thought he was.

The most damning behavior this guy is perpetrating against you is choosing to not discuss issues or listen.  

If this guy won't engage with you on making your life together. Find a guy of quality who will.