BM's magical purse....it sends late-night phone calls!
Here's the scenario that has occurred at least 10 times in the last year, and just last night. It's the middle of the week, on a night where BM has the kids. We're laying in bed, sleeping, and DF's phone rings. He groggily looks at the caller ID and sees it's BM. Thinking something happened to one of the kids, he immediately answers it....
And all we can hear in the background is females laughing, male voices, and very loud music. Apparently BM doesn't have a lock on her screen and it calls whoever her purse decides to dial. It wouldn't be a big deal, but once again, it always happens on nights that she is "supposed" to have the kids. BUSTED!
One of my friends mentioned that she thinks BM does it on purpose so that we think she is having so much fun and has a life...I'm not sure. It has happened SO often that it is getting hard to believe it's not an accident. And it never happens during the day or normal hours, it's always late at night, always bar music/talking going on.
However, what would be her motive to do that on purpose, because obviously she's just getting busted for violating her stipulation (we are supposed to know when the kids are staying at someone else's house...BM always says they 'wanted' to stay at her mom's that night, so it's 'just grandma'...) or that she's not being a parent on her nights so often.
My fiance struggles with making the decision to call her out on it the next day (because from BM's perspective, she thinks she's a goddess and that if he's asking her about it, it means he's not interested in me anymore and is interested in what she's doing) or just stay quiet and keep logging the incidents. What do you make of this?
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Ooooh, I like that idea!
Ooooh, I like that idea! Getting buzzed in by a babysitter who's never met DF though might be an issue if they're being babysat at her apartment....but worth the thought! And ooooh, her mom would be so mad if we stopped by there late at night too. But again, quite possibly worth it! Although the drama might become a little heavy then. BM lives within a mile and her mom lives within about 5 miles.
I wouldn't say anything and
I wouldn't say anything and keep documenting. I also like the suggestion to pick up the kids while she is out, but would only do that if there was a stipulation in the court orders.
I believe the stipulation
I believe the stipulation says if the child is to be in someone else's care overnight, that we are to be notified and allowed first choice in taking the child instead.
So...I suppose she could find a loophole by saying her sitter was only going to be there from 8-2am or something and wait for her to get home.
I believe its called "first
I believe its called "first right of refusal".
Your gut is right she is
Your gut is right she is baiting you - the circumstances and the frequency also tell me she is baiting you. Speaking from experience - DO NOT take the bait. In situations like this you have to ask yourself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" because once you take the bait/cross that line, there is not turning back and you have contributed to the conflict. Just my opinion - but again - speaking from experience - I would just ignore, ignore, ignore and document, document, document. Also think of Eleanor Roosevelt's words - He who angers you controls you. When you scratch a bug bite you get immediate relief, only to regret it later. In cases of bad behavior in blended families it's a much bigger issue than a bug bit and a lot is on the line. Escalating the conflict will not only implicate you in any future court review/custody issue, but it will also cost you a lot of money, headache and heartache. The most important thing, though, is the well being of you, your fiance and the kids. Responding to this is not in anyone's best interest, except hers - and only for the moment. I also wouldn't be surprised that she will continue and escalate the bad behavior even if you do ignore her. It's not a game, so don't play it - just give her enough rope to hang herself and keep everyone's health and well being the priority. Good luck - I'm in a similar situation