Lately I took a little break from Step Talk. I needed my own cooling-down period. Sometimes I wonder if I get so worked up about things because I am reading other people's drama...you know what I mean?

I want to thank all of you who have been supportive of my last few blogs -- I went through a little dark period and it came to a head last night. I had been having bad feelings for SD5 and BM and the whole situation...I posted about feeling like I'm losing touch with myself and that I'm no longer the "fun" stepmom I used to be, and felt like I was losing the love I used to have for my skids. I truly appreciate all of your advice that it would get better...I feel 200 times better as of this morning.

This weekend I overheard a conversation between DF and his dad. I wasn't eavesdropping, I don't think they didn't intend me to NOT hear it, it was just a normal conversation. It happened right after I FLIPPED A LID on SS3 because he would not listen to me repeatedly instructing him to push the garage door opener only ONE time to shut it, then WALK AWAY (SS3 kept pushing the button, eventually jamming the garage door...blatantly not listening to me). DF mentioned to his dad that my patience is wearing really thin with the skids lately. His dad had a killer answer (and is another reason why I love DF and his family so much, they're so honest with each other) -- he said, "Well you realize she's pregnant and dealing with hormones and feelings and helping you raise two kids, plus dealing with all the drama that BM puts on the two of you."

Then last night I disengaged. Not in an annoyed manner, not the result of a blow-up, not after becoming angry at the skids or DF at all -- I simply made supper for me, DF, and the skids, served it, ate it, then sat myself on the couch with a book. I just let DF take over the rest of the night. And he did. He played with the kids, doled out 2 time outs over the course of the evening, handled bath time and bed time all without me saying a word or chipping in besides to tell him where he could find another pull up for SS3 (we thought we were out). I've realized that I've been the one taking over everything in the last few months -- the disciplining, always ending up being the one "catching" the skids doing bad things, and giving time-outs. DF was letting me do it. And I was starting to hate myself and the impact it was having on my relationship with the skids and my attitude in general on a nightly basis. Last night DF was so great -- he just seemed to know exactly what I was doing (via the disengaging) and he was totally fine with it. He instead just picked up where I'd left off.

The silent bond that DF and I have is so awesome. He just seems to know when I'm at the end of my rope and then picks me back up. I'm the type that holds things in for a long time so usually when I DO break down, it's pretty much the worst I've felt yet about the situation. After DF put the kids to bed, I broke down and cried and cried and cried. We talked about how things have changed with the kids, what our roles are in parenting them, I told him that I've been feeling like such a bad parent towards them and he reassured me that he hasn't been doing enough to help out and that he never wants me to feel like that. It was such a good talk and a good CRY!

This morning I feel so good about things. I suddenly had a surge of both patience and love for both stepkids...I feel so much better. I think I'll get my honey a sappy card today to tell him how much I love him...and us.