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Circling the Drain

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 11:10am

Update from my previous "Full Circle" blog:

https://www.steptalk.org/blog/stepultimate/full-circle-271039

STBXH was served this week, and went from acceptance to cold & butt-hurt, arguing against divorce (=my reasons are not legitimate!), trying to get me to change my mind & continue "working on" our marriage. 

What's left to say that hasn't been said, discussed, argued, fought.... I forgave him for the hurtful things but do not want to continue living that way goin forward. Apparently I'm breaking my vows (STBX doesn't recall our vows, did not help author but left it to the minister), walk8ng away from a good thing, etc. I'm over-dramatizing & thinking with my feelings. 

Okay.

Notice there's no ownership of his part in this split. No acknowledgement that it must be bad for me if I prefer to be alone with double the bills than continue living in the deteriorated marriage. Just concern about how HIS life is going, how HE is suffering & heartbroken. Okay.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 11:20am

Sadly, I was expecting this. Stay strong, SU. He's proving you're doing what's best. *give_rose*

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 4:33pm

Me too & it will get worse before it gets better. Be alert. Camera would be an excellent idea. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 11:25am

But, but, isn't his precious son moving in with him?

You are breaking your vows? I think he already did that.

Stay strong.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 11:26am

Sorry.  

I don't get people who react like your STBX.  If someone says that they are done with a relationship, why does he think being a PITA is going to change your mind.  

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 1:57pm

I've often wondered this myself. Is fighting with someone really going to change their mind? Or will it just reassure them that they are making the right decision? Usually when people get divorced, they have thought about it for a while (or they have met someone else). The only person I know who didn't get divorced after filing for one is an old co-worker for whose husband was surprised by the filing and stepped up and was more attentive after she told him she filed. Things were then better for another couple of years, but ten years later she ended up getting divorced, so turns out her decision was correct, she just second guessed herself.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sun, 03/27/2022 - 9:38pm

This has been in the works since mid-2019. No other relationship, just want freedom.

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 12:23pm

Hey, Sweetie,

I’m an old-timer and have been reading your posts for years. You are one of those special, uber-tolerant, deeply empathetic souls that I yearned to tuck under my grannyd wing and liberate from the stone narcissist destroying your life. I’ve despised your husband in all of my (since 2015) S-talk incarnations but did my best to temper my rage so as not to put you on the defensive.

Now that you have escaped the clutches of one of the most selfish men in North America (and, possibly, the world), you’ve lifted the spirits of this StepUltimate fan into the stratosphere. Hon, there are wonderful things ahead for you; I just know this! ❤️

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 12:38pm

coming from a man who doesn't understand what fidelity even means. At his core he's a selfish wounded child, expecting everything while giving nothing.

You are SUCH a nice person, SU. Kind, empathic, supportive and responsible. But he shat all over that, and took advantage. Peter Pan is going to have a tough time finding women willing to accept his innate selfishness and inability to delay gratification. Meanwhile, you'll continue to evolve and live a responsible, high quality life. How dare you!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 10/09/2021 - 1:17pm

Peter Pan is going to have a tough time finding women willing to accept his innate selfishness and inability to delay gratification.

Not to mention, his new roommate will surely put a damper on romance!

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Sun, 10/10/2021 - 11:46am

So sorry you are going through this difficult time. Keep your head up. Live everyday with your truth. Understand who he is and know he will not change. That will give you strength. Today what he says or does is not your concern. Your only concern is living a life that you want. You are not breaking a vow or being selfish. This is your life and it is time to move on to something better. You choose a healthy life without him because you can't have a healthy life with him.You will grow from this. You will set limits from what you will take from him and his ways. He knows it now and doesn't like it. That is why he is acting this way. Always keep that in mind. Your best days are just around the corner. Believe in yourself.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 10/10/2021 - 11:31pm

Ask him where his concern  for your happiness has been for decades?

Enjot your new life adventure.