ss15 is going to be the end of my marriage yet
So just about an our ago ss15 comes into the house like a pathetic lost dog. He promptly goes to the back fence to cut lock off that I had just put on b/c he left the gate open earlier and I had just spent an hour running after dogs who'd escaped. Ss15 was in the kitchen heating up leftovers and I said he better be careful when he is having sex with his 19 yr old gf. He said he didn't know what I was talking about but his face got red. I said my son told me that he'd asked him to buy condoms a couple weeks ago for him right when his 19 yr old gf just got home from holidays. Also I had caught him washing a very dirty blanket the other day that was covered in leaves and grass debris that got all over the washer and dryer. He got very angry at me and lunged at me but did not touch me but snarled in my face that he is going to leave. I aked him where at 15 was he going to go? Bm won't take him back so does he have an alternative. He ran out the front door and slammed the screen door so hard it fell to pieces (one more repair to fork out bucks for before we move). I am looking at affordable apartments right now to move me and my boys to for a bit. I am so DONE with this kid and all his weird issues. My dh always treats him with kid gloves and doesn't want to be too harsh b/c the kid's mom was horrible to him. I am so tired of the bm being used as an excuse to get away with treating me like crap. DH will say oh just ignore him and try to be nice to him, bm has done so much damage and ss15 has such issues with females in general honey, it's not you in particular. Kiss my ass, I am so sick and tired of that fuckin excuse. My boys don't treat dh like crap but their bf treated me and them like crap and even abandoned my bs on my doorstep several times and then took him back. Anyhow, there's just so much I can handle and now I just want to call it quits. I'm sure dh will talk me out of it b/c I have been here a couple times before, but this time ss15 was ALMOST going to get physically violent with me. He actually scared me. ss18 did get violent and he got kicked out by me, but he was 18.
What do you gals think, should I move out with my boys for awhile to see what happens? I don't want to end my marriage b/c I love dh so much. His kid's got major problems. I guess I could say I will stay if he gets ss15 into counseling. I have been suggesting it lately but dh says school counseling will be enough. Maybe I can forse the counseling issue?
*SIGH*
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Why would you confront him
Why would you confront him about sex with his gf? Is that not his dad's responsibility. It sounds like you both have some hostility towards each other and by you doing that just eggs him on. Let his dad deal with that crap.
^^This. I don't get it. All
^^This.
I don't get it. All you did was make a problem out of him actually using protection.
He went to his sbrother, asked for his help. His sbrother tattled on him to you. You confronted SS about it...and in a rather snarky way.
Shit, I woulda been all, "hey, I heard this, and I want to commend you for being responsible."
IMO, you handled this one all wrong.
I think she handled it wrong
I think she handled it wrong also....BUT...SS should have his ass tore up by DH for SS acting like he was going to hit her.
I would be gone.
I agree SS was totally wrong
I agree SS was totally wrong in coming at her and DH should give him a good shit kicking for it.
Ok I hear all of you. I had
Ok I hear all of you. I had spoken to dh on this on the pone just prior to ss15 getting home and dh said he'd handle it b/c if I did ss would blow up. DH was right. I was out of line. I guess I have had issues with ss15 since day one. SAD but true. I wish like hell I could just like him, but I can't.
I will tell dh what happened and see what he says. If he thinks he can smooth things over maybe and hopefully ss and I can come to terms with just existing in the same house until he graduates.
Often my dh will say to me "just get along and be nice". I try but end up just avoiding ss most of the time.
I think mostly I was pissed b/c I had to chase all over the neighborhood for the dang dogs :?
I still think therapy should
I still think therapy should be ordered.
I just called DH and he said
I just called DH and he said I should have left well enough alone but understands how the dogs escaping made me feel uptight already. When our dogs escape our household goes into action b/c we live near a busy road and the shitzu has no understanding of how to be careful. Anyow, dh said that maybe this is for the good b/c ss15 needs to have his world rocked when it come to this 19 yr old gf who is lazy, not in school or working and takes up a lot of ss15's time and emotions. Last year he had 3 F's b/c of her. He gets a very "I don't give a shit about anything but her" attitude and makes our whole home miserable. DH said he was going to drive directly over to her home and talk to her parents too about all this. Dh and her parents are old friends from way back so he can hopefully get them to keep her in check a bit. I'm sure they don't want her coming home pregos :jawdrop:
Anyways thanks for listening
I know dog person, and he
I know dog person, and he also cuts them off the freezer in the garage when he thinks we might have icecream out there. DH has had to buy about a doz locks, each time getting bigger and stronger. Ss15 is walking in the footsteps of his older brother who was a horrible person to have in our home. Ss18 was totally and completely disregarded all our rules b/c he knew we had to keep him in our home by law. It seems ss15 is starting to get the same attitude. It's like they both know their dad, my dh, would never send them back to bm. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home to these two unruly entitled disrespecting brats who will not listen to me or their dad. My boys are total opposites and never have spoken out of line to dh or leave dishes in room or break into locked rooms or freezers. If they want something they ask for it and if I say no they accept that answer. If we say no to skids they raise hell until dh gives in just to have peace. ss15 has learned to use the quiet treatment to get his way. DH begins to feel sorry for him and he gets exactly what he wants. I have never in my life met such undisciplined kids.
Oh well, it's something I either chose to continue to live with, or leave. My choice. I am not going to change these kids. All I can do is focus on mine.
Lock up the bolt cutters and
Lock up the bolt cutters and saws.
the bolt cutters are now in
the bolt cutters are now in my closet so far back they will never find them!
I think you should move out.
I think you should move out.
And did your son buy him the condoms?
No, my son's friend was over
No, my son's friend was over and ss15 asked him to buy condoms for him. He actually asked my son's friend whom he doesn't hardly know that well. But like someone said at least he's being careful. BUT my first husband and I were careful and we have 3 children. hmmmmm Careful only goes so far... condoms break...
I would move out, at least
I would move out, at least for a while. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from "crazies" in order to put your own thoughts into perspective and especially if you don't want your own kids under the influence of crazy. I'm surrounded by crazy too and I've thought about it.
So a little while ago I
So a little while ago I texted my dh saying I am taking my bs school shopping for last few things, did he want me to pick up supper tings while out. He has the balls to ask me to pick up double of everything so ss15 has his supplies and then goes on to say we are a team and the rock for our kids bla bla bla. I just ignored the text and enjoyed shopping with my son and bought him a new hoodie and everything. Oh I forgot to say that DH called me and said he did some damage control with ss15 and he'll be fine and all ss15 wants is for me to be his friend just like dh is with my boys. Then dh asks me to shop for the entitled brat????
It seems Dh and ss want their cake and eat it too.
I think I will be doing some serious disengaging and rethinking this whole crappy living situation I am in. I mean, it's really not that bad, I am just floored how dh and ss want me to do all the mom duties but not the part where the rules get set and enforced.
Talk about crazy.
I am just floored how dh and
I am just floored how dh and ss want me to do all the mom duties but not the part where the rules get set and enforced.
^^^ WElcome to being a Step-parent!!!
that's exactly how it is and
that's exactly how it is and has always been with sd20. she wants me to be a "mother" to her, meaning spend money on her, dote on her, adore and love her unconditionally, brag about her, include her in everything, but when it comes to setting boundaries and when she was younger, rules and discipline, i am "just" her dad's gf. well that has come back to bite her in the ass! }:) i don't do a damn thing for her, ever. and she isn't liking it very much.
just soooo glad school has
just soooo glad school has started. it was a LOOOONG summer b/c ss broke his shoulder in the spring so he SAT AROUND ALL FREAKIN SUMMER and ate like a horse
Oh and of course this was the
Oh and of course this was the first summer where dh has worked more then me so I had ss in my face/space way more then usual.
I believe the only way for me to survive this kid is to just not be in the same room, just not talk to him and just ignore him and pretend he is a ghost.
I'm not trying to be mean, just survive a kid who is not a likable kid at all.