I started dating my husband about 5 years ago. He was seperated from his wife of almost 25 years. His wife was a narcist with a personality disorder and did a lot of damage to his selfesteem and brainwashing over the years of their marriage. There are so many things that my husband doesn't even realize that he is screwed up from his marriage to her, but I fell in love with him and I chose to marry him. I have paid for her mistakes for years. It finally came to ahead between us last september because the crazy woman took her own life and left her body to be found by her youngest child, her daughter.

Now I have to deal with her ghost and I just can't take it anymore.

This woman the BM was mean and nasty. It started when they first met in college. They had met and moved in and got married within 6 months of meeting each other. My husband was 19. The BM already had been married to her highschool sweet heart and had a child with him. My husband took on the roll of father to this little boy. According to the stories, this little boy was really good, smart and bright. Apparently in all their wisdom, they "planned" to have a second child, which also turned out to be a boy. This second child was hell on wheels and it turned out he had ADD. They put him on medication and the boy turned out to be "really good, smart and bright". The first child, the one that was the "stepkid" to my husband all of sudden became really bad. (According to the story they don't know why) and soon all the focus was put on the first child being "bad" and "always in trouble". The story is that "he was a bad big brother" because he would allow his friends to pick on his little brother, going so far as allowing them to duck tape the boy to a bench and leave him there. The part of the story that is never told is what this little boy did to deserve the haterd of his sibling. The story is only that the oldest did these things and no one as asked the simple question "why"? So as the years go on they decide to have a third child, a girl. When the oldest is 18 years old, the story I am told is that he was so bad that they washed their hands of him, "he sold drugs out the back door of their home", he was kicked out of highschool and they sent him to a last-chance program that he refused to go to and then about one month before his 18th birthday he moved and the two parents threw a grand party to celebrate him being gone. All of this infront of the other children and all of this is perfectly acceptable to my husband to this day.

Shortly after this party, his then wife got a promotion and was required to move halfway across the country with her family. The four of them packed up and sold their home and left, leaving the 18 year old boy in a state with no family because "he was so bad". Meanwhile the second son was doing drugs and failing out of school and had hooked up with another girl with troubles. The second son refused to leave with his family if he couldn't take his girlfriend so they packed up this girl and took her with them here to PA. (This was and still is acceptable parenting to my husband) The girl moves here with them and turns around and goes home. Her family sues him and his then wife on behalf of their daughter because their daughter told them that the second son had raped her. She had a lie detector test and passed it. Both my husband and his then wife, believed their son's innocense but paid the family off. The second son had contacted this girl over the years and would talk badly about her and twist what he was doing so it seemed that this girl was crazy, example: she contacted him and told him she was sorry, but it was him who had contacted her, it was him that wrote her letters and she was responding and in my eyes was probably really confused about the situation. Anyway, in my husband's eyes, even though this girl passed a polygraph test, (which no 16 year old could), he believes his son is innocent and spins the tale that this girl only wanted money. When in truth, I think her parents were afraid of a criminal case that their daughter would have to go through and the fact that it was half way across the country it would make proving the case even harder.

After this the story is that his then wife had started having affairs, she had two or three before he caughter her by hiring a PI. He confronted her and she blamed it on drinking and told him she had a drinking problem. He bought it and still does to some degree today. He stayed in the marriage. He got rid of the booze and there she no longer drank. He caughter her again about a year later with the same man. She used the excuse that it was PTSD. She told him that she had PTSD because her first husband abused her, beat her, raped her and her first son was the product of the rape. (The first son that was "so bad" they left him behind.) My husband believed her and stayed in the marriage. She kept telling him that the affair was over but my husbands gut told him it wasn't . He stayed in the marriage for a total of 5 more years before leaving. He left when he met me. (I will take the blame, however, his wife had been continuing her relationship with her lover for all 5 years and what she was doing was going away with, all over the country, and telling my husband she was on "business trips")

Over the next 2 1/2 years the woman was relentless with bad mouthing my husband in every aspect of her life, work, personal with her family and their kids. She had no friends. No one liked her. She was mean and cruel to everyone and walked around with the attitude that she was smarter and better then everyone and treated everyone that way, including her daughter's bestfriends mom, who was the only friend she did have until she washed her hand of her too. She became a primadonna, alienating herself. She had several different personalities. For the 24 years she was married, she showed my husband a victim, she would go to work, come home and get into bed and use excuses that she didn't feel well, she was tired, her back hurt, any excuse she could find that get his sympathy and have him wait on her hand and foot. With her daughter, she ignored her always giving her the excuse she didn't feel well, or couldn't take time off from work to spend time with her. She had promised her that her graduating year of highschool she would take her to Paris. When it came time she went to Paris with her lover and told her daughter that she was going on business so she couldn't go. (My stepdaughter doesn't know this, she actually believes her mothers lies. We found out she was on vacation in Paris because my husband forgot she was out of town and sent an email to which bounced back the message: "I am away on vacation and will return....") After my husband moved out, she used her daughter the way she used my husband, playing the victim card and making her daughter take care of her.

Now the middle son had moved out when he had gone to college. He met a girl and moved in with her. She graduated before him and started working immediately. He graduated and decided he wanted to be a lawyer and went to graduate school. His father co-signed the loans with the understanding that the son was going to pay the loans because the deal they had with their kids was that they would pay for a 4 year program and any grad school was on them. (which is more then fair, since parents do not have to pay for college). While in school, the middle son doesn't work. He puts in for loans and a small protion that is left over is to pay his rent, meanwhile, his girlfriend works monday through friday. When they can't afford the rent, the middle son goes to his mother to get money. Mom always writes a check. He came to his father once and asked his father for $500 to cover the rent until he received his student loan check. His father told him sure, as long as you pay me back. He paid him back but never asked his father again because he had to pay him back. His mother continued to write $800 checks to the kid and his girlfriend every couple of months and finally sent a spreadsheet of all the money she paid out to this kid to my husband demanding that he pick up half of the costs. My husband refused, (finally good parenting sense) and told her to stop giving him money because it wasn't teaching him to be responsible. She then turned around and told their son, that "daddy wasn't going to take care of his family and responsibilities anymore because he got a new family and she takes up all his money". The middle son got a real chip on his shoulder and started treating his father like an *ss.

We got engaged to get married and decided we wanted to have our children in our wedding. We looked at our marriage as not just about our love for each other but the joining of our families too. His middle son accepted his request of being his bestman. (I told my husband that it was right that he ask this son because he was making a stand over his oldest son, the one he left behind, and furthermore this kid didn't like me and was only accepting because he was put on the spot.) He didn't agree and swore this middle son "was his boy". About two months before we get married the middle son and him get into a huge fight over this grad. loans because he had graduated and not gotten a job and he expected his dad to pay the loans. My husband told him he was off base and reminded him of the deal. The middle son really exploded and told him he was an *ss for stealing his mothers money and he made a deal to pay for education and he needs to step up and stop giving my children and I all of his money. My husband was furious but he felt that he would be alienating his son by not having him in the wedding so he patched things up. (I am not sure what was said, but he did make it clear that he wasn't paying for grad school and that was still on him).

Over the next year, it came to our attention that one of his children told his exwife that I was uneducated and dimwitted. The exwife had sent my husband an email in which she bad mouthed me up and down and wanted me to stay away from her children. I told my husband it was his middle son who said this and that he needs to stop playing these games with his exwife and his children because of the lack of respect I have endured. He refused and told me I was wrong, that his children would "never" say anything like that about me and that his ex was just lying.

Also, during our engagement, about two weeks after, his exwife went out and bought about a $8,000 engagement ring for the middle son to give to his girlfriend! I told my husband that he needs to confront the ex and put his foot down and make sure that ring goes right back to jewlery store. He refused to get involved. Eventually his middle son had told him what his mother had done but that it was a loan to him and he had to pay it back. As I think you have gathered from this information, any "loan" to the middle son was never collected on by his mother so the middle son learned he didn't have to pay it back. There was also the Jeep he drove around in that he was supposed to pay his mother back, take over the car insurance payments, and once again, it never happened.

About a week and a half before our 1 year anniversary the crazy ex kills herself because her daughter went away on vacation with us and her 10 year lover dumped her (for the forty time) to go back to his dying wife. She left her body for her 20 year old daughter to find as a payback for going away with us and having fun with me.

So here we are about a year and a half after her death and I have the most rude, obnoxious stepchildren. My SD and I were pretty close, she actually respected me and use to come to me for all her relationship advice and had told me she wanted to be like me, strong, independant, and free to do what she wanted and take her time to find the right man to marry. She thought I had done a great job raising my kids as a single mom. Now she can't even talk to me. I have to go out of my way to strike up conversations with her only to be met with one word answers or short curt ones because she can't be bothered. (she 22) My SS is obnoxious, rude, opinionated, arrogant and ignorant. He has this chip on his should that he is better and smarter then everyone because in his words, "I have the most education out of everyone in the family". However, this SS hasn't held a job for more then 3 months in the 5 1/2 years I have been with his father. He still doesn't work. (The two children inherited almost a million each and the oldes about $250,000 because the mother disinherited him from all of her insurance, 401k and pension plans, there were a few she had forgotten about and she hadn't signed her will, thank god!) the middle son was executor over the estate and felt the entire time that he knew more then even his father about how to handle the estate and wouldn't listen to reason. He tried to make sure his older brother got less because in his words "that's what my mom wanted, and he deserved it for being mean to my mom".

The boy is pushing 30 years old! He finally married the girlfriend. She never sticks up for herself, and I really don't know how she can't be embarressed by him when he opens his mouth.

From sitting back and watching and not saying a word what I have realized that is happening is when the middle son feels that no one is paying attention to him, he will start spouting out opinions that are very confrontational to try to start a confrontation. The more you ignore him the louder and worse the things that come out of his mouth are. I have tried so many times not to fall into this trap but I am at my wits end. This kids isn't smart. He has got to be one of the dumbest children I have ever met. But because my husband and exwife raised him to think he was smarter then his oldest brother and youger sister he actually believs this. The infuriating thing for me is that my husband believes it too. And if you actually listen to what comes out of this kids mouth you hear how uneducated he really is. He has never held a job! He has it set up that he bought the house his wife and him live in and he feels that his wife should pay all the bill, utilities and so forth, because he bought the house. (He bought the house with mommy's money, not his own). He either sleeps all day, plays video games, smokes a lot of pot, and mixes his music at night, while his wife goes to work monday through friday to pay the bills. She missed the family vacation this summer and the one that is coming up in february because she has to work to pay his bills. I can't keep my mouth shut much longer. At thanksgiving he went out of his way to start a confrontation with me because I posted a rant on facebook that he believes was about him. We all told him it had nothing to do with him and that he wasn't my kid so why would i rant about specifically "my teenager" and he would take it about him. He got mad because his plan didn't work and no one paid attention to him. He started making statements, his opinions, like they were facts and everyone ignored him. He got louder and louder and then decided to attack his sister regarding her dog telling her that what she was doing with her dog wouldn't be what he would do if it was his dog, until she gave into him and did exactly what he wanted.

I CANNOT TAKE IT!

My husband and I fight all the time over this kid. I finally put my foot down with christmas coming up and telling my husband I do not want my child, my parents or I around him anymore so I was going to seperate our christmases. My husband gets mad at me and tells me I am over-reacting because his son has never been disresectful. I said he is disrespectful every time I see him and it has been over 5 years and I am sick of it. I went through examples, gifts = I get a smile and my husband gets a thank you; my birthday, his son's birthday, and his now wifes birthday = checks and cards for them, i get nothing but a smile and my husband gets a thank you (I have never received a birthday card!) For the first year ever, his son bought me a christmas present last year, a electronic cigarette. I said thank you and gave him a big warm hug. I don't know why he would give that to me. My husband was so proud of him and told me it was a really thoughful present, but honestly, no it wasn't. to me that was like buying me a carton of cigarettes for christmas! My SD has given me the best cards and gifts, I have never expected it, she even gives me a card and flowers on mothers day! but not his middle son! no way!

So on thanksgiving, the middle son and his wife show up an hour and a half late for dinner. We ate without them. They didn't call. My husband had to text them to see what was going on. They show up and they do not even apologize for being late. they come in, grub out and start with talking football. We all move into the family room and his middle son sits down and says "Well, Stephanie, can I ask you a question?" (Wow! really? that's not disrespectful?) He follows it up with "that post on your page awhile ago, did that have something to do with me?" I told him no! Why would you think that?" he replied with, "Well, I am 6'1" and I am the most educated out of everyone in the family" Really, that's not disrespectful?

Please tell me what is? I couldn't respond to this because, one I was shocked he would say such a thing and two, my husband jumped in and responded with "your just being paranoid, she was talking about her son and it had nothing to do with you"

A few days later I am on facebook and I go to check out my SS's facebook page and I find out he deleted me for the 50th time from friends list. I say something to my husband, who then grabs his phone and texts him and his wife to ask why he would do such a thing. He waited until the next day to come back with, "she posts to much drama on her facebook page and I am sorry if it hurt her but I don't want to see that". My husband at first was buying into it. I said wait a second, this 30 year old child posts drama on his page all the time, Joe Pa is like my grandfather, he doesn't deserve to be treated this way...." really? I said, you forget it is your kids that post the drama. I never post on my facebook page and the one time I do I am going to be treated like an uneducated dimwitted stepmom! really! and you are allowing this! I am done! done!