My SD's grandma on her mom's side (Nana) is 86 years old and very very in the throes of senility. By all accounts, she was ALWAYS somewhat of a mean person. She is the "matriarch" as BM's father has passed a long time ago. Nana was born in Italy, lived through WWII and an accident that made her limp. She is from another world, another time. She hates DH for "leaving" her daughter and really HATES me - just because I exist. She has made no bones about that fact and does not attempt to hide it from SD at all. She openly talks poorly about DH and myself whenever we are brought up.

My SD's grandma on her dad's side is 70 years old. She too, is an old Italian (although US born) woman. She does not hate BM and seems to be "okay" with me. However, she is an old Italian woman, who thinks that I should be home making meatballs and bread etc etc. I bake better than I cook. I also need to be in the "mood" to really go from scratch. Otherwise, I am using what is available (Ie store bought instead of home made for some things.) She is generally good to me, unless she is talking about my cooking. But it's not just me, either, I should say. We were driving her from a party and she said "The lasagna was good, but not as good as mine.".... So there ya go!

BM is civil toward me and her family is lukewarm bordering on ignorant. We all know they hate DH and myself.

Recently, when DHs mom criticized me and I was in a fragile emotional state, I said to him..

"I am tired of making excuse for why everyone hates me / treats me poorly".

And then I said... "Nana does it because she's BM's mom, from another era. DH's mom does it because she is a good cook and feels that everyone should be. BM has her reasons to hate me, with my relationship with her daughter and being married to her ex. Her family supports her."

I realized and my husband realized that we make excuses for a lot of people so that SD sees us taking the high road.

I think the next time you are in this position, if you can remember to relate it to your husband in the way that your happy life is causing you to have to make excuses for it because so many others have reasons to hate it.... Well, I just know that for us, it was a bit of an eye-opener.

You may fight about it already and say these things already. But to say it concisely and in a nutshell... "I'm tired of making excuses for everyone else to hate me." I think it could help your husband understand some of what you may be feeling.