We got to see SS this past Saturday, & DH got to see him for lunch last Thursday. I guess SS got into it with BM over SS wanting to see DH. He said BM will have nothing to do with any of it. SS is currently staying with BM's mom (nanny) & her husband (grandpa). They brought him into town for a dentist appt Thursday & SS called DH to see if they could come by & see him at work. The granparents didn't give them a moment alone because the CO says visitation has to be supervised, but they went to eat & they sat a few tables away. Dh was pissed that he was being babysat, but it was good they got to look at each other & talk. While they were talking, SS tapped on DH's wedding band. DH asked if it bothered him, & he said, "No, I love Stormabruin. I really miss her." Of course, when DH told me that, tears fell. I was thrilled. That is the first time he's EVER expressed any bit of approval of me. DH said overall it was kind of a bittersweet meetup. He said they were both very nervous. SS is about 2 inches taller than DH at 6'5". His hair is moppy. He has wispy wiskers that he really needs to shave. his teeth look terrible. They're stained & crooked. I think he's looking to get braces in the next couple of months, which I'm sure we'll end up going in 1/2 on. I don't mind though. He really does need them. DH said it was unreal when he saw him. It was like looking at himself in a mirror at 17 years old. He was familiar with the expression because it held the anger he used to look at his dad with. It was hurtful for DH to know that his son was feeling the anger toward him that he felt toward his abusive alcoholic father. DH is neither of those. He is, however, a disciplinarian & a teacher. Unfortunately, in SS's world that is considered to be abuse.

Saturday morning we were in town & SS happened to call DH. Him, his "grandpa", & his friend were coming into town for a car show. It was raining, though, so they were going to eat. He invited us to join them. We'd already eaten breakfast, but we did go sit with them & visit while they ate. SS hugged us both. His "grandpa" shook our hands & was unusually friendly. Like DH, I was stunned to see how grown up SS looked. More than that, I was truly impressed with how much he's matured in his attitude. He has been the one making the effort to make time for DH. He is angry with BM for her lack of support & lack of willingness to help him see his dad. He said his nanny (BM's mom) decided, on their way to see DH Thursday, that SS should call BM & let her know that they were going to see DH, & that he argued with her about it until she finally hung up on him. Now, none of this involved her in any way. She didn't have to make arrangements. She didn't have to travel. She didn't have to look at or speak with DH. She didn't have to do ANYTHING, yet she was livid that her son was going to see his dad.

SS will be 18 in July. He has yet to be able to drive the POS car she gave him for his 16th birthday. BM won't take him to get his driver's license. He wants to work, but she won't commit to getting him to & from a job, & she won't pay to get his car fixed so he can take himself anywhere. She doesn't want him to have that freedom, because she knows that once he has it, he will leave her.

SS's nanny & grandpa invited Jody & I to their home this coming Saturday to help SS work on his car. DH is good with cars & it sounds like it needs a battery, a serpentine belt & a windshield in order to run & pass inspection. It's nothing pretty, but will get him mobile so he can come & go as he needs/wants to. His nanny will probably have to take him to get his license. He's gonna have to work to over his insurance. We certainly can't afford to put him on our policy...at least not until he's proven he will work to pay his part & will drive responsibly.

I'm thrilled for DH. He's in the clouds over this. I'm thrilled for SS. He's grown, emotionally, more than I ever imagined he would. He is acknowledging BM's faults & he is acknowledging DH's reasons for making the choices he's made. Of course, this is only the very beginning of a long road to recovery for all of us. While I am giddy over it, in the back of my mind I'm still reminding myself that things are not stable yet. I am feeling very optimistic, though. I'm thrilled that he has the desire to be a normal functioning individual in society. I am thrilled that he is motivated enough to ask for the help he needs to become independent, & more than that, I am thrilled that the person he KNEW he could rely on to help him accomplish that is his dad. In my mind, if it took the years of turmoil & struggle to help him see that, it's been been worth it. Not that it SHOULD have taken that, but to know that despite the battles with a crappy worthless POS BM, SS is seeing through her years of vicious lies & really is seeing the good in DH.

SS mentioned, Saturday, that BM said she'd bring the kids to our house so that they can get the gifts we've had for them for 2 years now...that she'll wait in the car while they come in to open them. Not a chance. Even after SS is 18, SD will still be under the supervised CO. I suggested to DH that perhaps BM could bring them to MIL's house. That way, MIL & DH's stepdad can see them both, we can see them both, & BM won't have to be at our house. I halfway hope BM comes & sits inside with us while they open their gifts. Most of them are things I've made, based around pictures of the kids...most of them were taken during the years BM was absent, & most of them are pictures of the kids with DH. We can all sit & smile & enjoy & reminisce over pictures of them enjoying life with their dad, & she can squirm in discomfort as we look at proof that her kids were happy once without her. I know it's ugly to say, but I'll take that over Oreos & a big glass of milk any day.