Dh is usually the one who gets so upset over things like this. I typically am the one trying to calm him & reassure him that his kids love him & that one day they'll understand why things are the way they are. They'll know who they can count on. When he wonders why they won't return his calls & why they're angry with him, & how can they not believe him when he tells them what is true, I'm always the one explaining to him that his statement of truth one time every 6 months-a year has no bearing against her & her mom dropping their poisonous lies in their ears every single day.

I don't know, after everything we have made it through, why this particular instance has me so upset.

And that was the biggest part of why I didn't say anything to DH about it. He would have SS on the phone wanting to know why BM would say something like that. What has he ever done to deserve what she's done to him, etc. It's not SS's to own or answer for. Of course DH knows that, but SS is the only one he is able to get through to so that's where it would go.

I know that I can't tell DH & tell him not to say anything because things like that come out of his mouth unintentionally when he's upset.

I know that the first breath BM catches that I've seen what's on her page she'll skinny down her friend list & I'll lose access.

Thank you. I know that the best revenge is living a full happy life. I have that. I have more in my life than BM will ever have, & I don't base my blessings in comparison to what she has or doesn't have. I am truly blessed with an incredible supportive & loving family. My husband has a bigger heart than any man I know (aside from my dad). I love his family like my own. DH & I laugh & we joke. We have a marriage that I have no fear of losing. I know that I can count on him to respect me, love me, cherish me, & protect me. He is genuine.

It just irks the crap outta me to see her slander & lies about him & to know that she is doing everything in her power to hold those kids under her control. These years that should be spent teaching them life skills, self-preservation, self-respect, etc are being killed with her need to control them & brainwash them & insist that they feel & think the things she feels & thinks.

I just want to help them understand. I want them to know, without a doubt, that there was never a day that they weren't loved & missed by their dad. Every child deserves that from their parents. There should never have to be a doubt, & the fact that it's their mother inflicting & forcing that doubt into their minds repulses me.

That's what makes this so incredibly frustrating. DH has done everything in his power to help his children have a relationship with their mother. SHE left them...for 4 years. She chose other men, drugs, & the single life over her children & didn't come back until she had no where else to go. It didn't matter that they needed her for 4 years. She didn't come back until she had nothing left. She didn't come back until SHE needed them. DH dropped CS arrears twice to keep her out of jail. He drove around to every one of her friends homes looking for her because the kids cried to see her, & she'd just run faster the other way. When she cried terminal cancer 6 years ago & begged for another chance to be a mother to her children before she died, he let them go back to her. It was all a lie.

She has done NOTHING for him but jab a knife deeper in his back at every opportunity.

Even with that, if SS says a cross word to her, DH tells him he owes her an apology because she is his mother.

I just get tired of always having to be the one to let it roll off, & I'm not just talking about FB. It's the comments SS makes like BM said she had no choice but to leave them because DH was "abusive" or "controlling" or "belittling" & one of my favorites...he wouldn't let her work or go out with her friends. Really??? And you left your 3 & 5 year old children with that monster? At what point does SOMEBODY get to jump in her nasty face & burst her bubble???

I know that the best thing to do is nothing, & I've spewed enough here that I don't feel like I need to do it anywhere else.

I have a clean record with the kids & keeping that is important, & I know that BM thrives on attention & reaction. She has made every effort to get me to break, & while I have broken to DH & to my friends & to so many of you here, I will never let her know that she gets to me. Knowing that little fact about her is what has kept me clean so far, & it will continue to do so.

Just about 3 weeks ago we saw SS17 & SD14 for the first time in nearly 2 years. In that 2 years the only contact was a phone call from SD on Father's Day last year & a phone call from SS on DH's birthday. Both events took us completely by surprise & gave us hope, but there was nothing after that.

About 3 weeks ago SS started actively calling DH & wanting to spend time with him/us. He expressed frustration with BM (never in my presence) but has withheld a lot of his frustration to save BM face. We have made it clear that we love them & miss them & want to see them. Things seem to be moving forward with SS, but I believe BM has SD tight in her clutches with no intention of letting go. BM has put up a fight to keep SS under her control, but he always has been one to speak his mind & he WANTS to repair the damage between him & DH. He's even trying to get SD to come eat with us, go to a movie with us...anything to give DH a little bit of time with her, but as he stated this past Sunday, "She won't leave mom's side for anything. I don't know why." Well, we know why, & it's going to take a lot of effort & healing & forgivness that I'm not sure she's willing to face.

DH fought tooth & nail in court just to get his EOW visitation & instead received an order for anger management & supervised vistiation. SS actually was the one who took him to court the last time, & when it came to that...SS15 (at the time) telling DH he didn't want to come, DH finally decided that SS had made up his mind & this is what he wanted, so the choice was theirs. The first time SS called a couple of months ago he told DH he hated him for not fighting hard enough. The fact is, DH fought until the court deemed them old enough to decide. They made their choice. DH warned SS that nothing good would come out of it & it didn't. SS is now reaping the rewards of the fight he chose to persue. He's stuck with BM under court order & can't get away.

SS will be 18 in 3 months, but we still have 4 more years of "supervised" visitation at BM's discretion with SD. I'm guessing we'll be at least 4 more years before we get any reasonable time with her, & it may take that long for her to grow up enough to be open to the idea of forgiving/healing.

I have read Divorce Poison. By the time I'd read it, we were already into the supervised at BM's discretion visitation. She has told SS (who passed it on to DH) that he needs to not ask to see his dad because she doesn't want to have to deal with it. It stresses her out.

I have screen-printed her page & put it in a folder with all the rest of the crap. I don't believe we'll ever have another day in court with her, but I do intend to keep it all on hand in case either of them ever get curious or need "proof" to help them accept the facts to move forward.

I absolutely understand their devotion to their mother. DH & I both understand that no child wants to have to say that their mother is a POS, & I would never want them to feel incomplete or unworthy or anything like that. It has to suck to know your mom is a loser, but it has to be so much harder to have to say it outloud.

The visitation DH has been having with SS...BM has NOTHING to do with it but is still livid about it. She doesn't have to drive, make phone calls, make arrangements, see or talk to DH or I. She just doesn't want her kids to feel good about their dad. She's just a bitch.

And THAT is exactly where my worries lie. :sick:

For a couple of years it was the only way for us to know anything about the kids lives...anything. There was no phone contact, & they wanted no FB contact. The majority of BM's FB friends are internet friends & friends of friends. The only friends she has on there from her real life are the kids, her aunt, a couple of her kids friends, & 2 guys (brothers) she used to date. She has all kinds of men & woment friends that she only knows through FB.