Am I wrong to not financially support SD?
Im not sure that I like hoe my SD6 is growing up!
I used to spoil both BD6 and SD6 a lot, OH would pay maintenance and would then have "no money" if his daughter needed something, so i took the mantle and bought if needed. I bought SD6 clothes, toys, treats, shoes etc....and most of this got sent back home with her to BMs house, never to be seen again. This went on for about 3 n half years. Anyway, after OH moved out for a few months then moved back, I decided that I was making a few changes, and that I would not financially support his daughter or his sons. Neither SS's or SD6 doesnt live with us, she sleeps over on a weekend for one night, spends the other night with MIL. Sometimes we have her longer with school holidays or bank holidays. So, SD6 is fast growing out of clothes, and Ive stood fast. Its not my place to pay for her as OH wanted and "your money my money" scenario. So, Easter, I bought them both an Easter gift rather than add to the chocolate pile.....they loved it!!
The shop then started doing offers on accessories....now I could be wrong her, but.......I bought BOTH BD6 and SD6 a gift of 4 characters.....I also bought 2 extra smaller sets for my BD6.
SD6 visits....sees her gift and is elated..."oh thankyou, thankyou stressedstep".....then found out that BD6 ahd the extra 2 small sets....what I was met with then totally shocked me! SD6 not only cut dirty looks and a scowl at my BD, but then when she thought I wasn't looking, she cut them to me! SD6 then proceeded to question me (in front of MIL) and to why BD6 had the extra sets and SD6 didnt! Nobody said a word! I used the excuse that BD6 had saved her pocked money and used that, and that SD6 had used (wasted) hers already...this did not prevent the looks.
The following day, SD6 thanks me again, so I said "are you sure? Yesterday you werent to happy!?"....her reply??? "yeah but im ok now, ill ask my mome, who will say no (q puppy dog face) to get them for me (q sad face)".....now my reply was blunt, but this sint the first time she has expected to be treated the same as my BD, and have the same entiltment FROM ME not OH, as my BD;
"when you mom buys you something SD, does she buy for my BD?"
"No"
"When MIL buys you toys or such, does she buy for BD?"
"No!"
" Thats right, cos BM is your mom, and MIL is your nan, and im BD's mom and my mom is BD's nan, so you dont get the same as BD sometimes, its your mommies job to buy you things, not SM's"
Harsh? Probably, but she is slowly getting worse, and more brattish if she doesnt get her own way or the same as BD. How the hell is all this gonna go when me and OH have our baby (hopefully, we are trying for.....)
Am I wrong in this?????
- stressedstep's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
If your OH isn't helping to
If your OH isn't helping to support your daughter (mortgage, utilities, food, insurance.....) then, you aren't wrong.
If the two of you have joint finances, then this is wrong. That would mean you're using his money to buy for your kid but not his.
Hi All, DisneyFan; We share
Hi All,
DisneyFan; We share the bills (ie rent, c/t, gas, food etc) equally, its a straight split down the middle. I also pay towards HIS car insurance and MOT's n such. After the "bill" money, OH wanted his money to be his, so I keep mine as mine (it was mainly because he has an on/off gambling habit and if I controlled the finances as I once did, he got himself into debt!) Other than that, if my BD needs clothes, shoes etc, I pay with my money and BD's dads money.
Tommar24365; Thankyou. I dont mind the "treats", when its understood thats what they are. Im concerned she has got the point where she expects me to do her bidding almost! lol
GoAwayPlz and foreverstacy; Ive been having slight panics about another baby and how it will work! lol. The dynamics will change, but its more how OH will deal with it. Either way, one child will be left out out of SD6 or BD6.....OH family will buy for baby and SD6, but my family will buy for baby and BD6 if you follow my drift! lol
Another question; BD6 has her
Another question;
BD6 has her own room (I have full custody) and SD6 has her own room (BM has full custody, she only stops with us 1 night a week and sometimes on bank holidays and extra days depending on work in school hols). Both rooms are decorated individually and all their own toys etc are in the rooms. SD6 has normal bedroom furniture, no different to BD6. So, when new baby comes along, and I right to think that new baby should have priority over SD6's bedroom, since new baby will be living their 24/7 and not once a week?
Also, do you think I should be expected to get rid of furniture and toys belonging to BD6 so that SD6 can have half a fully functional bedroom? Or should SD6 have a temp measure, as its not strictly her home?
Obviously if we have a boy, its a no brainer SD6 looses the bedroom, but if its a girl, I believe SD6 should be the one that has to share and not my BD, considering SD6 has her own room at her actual home, so why should my BD and future bios not have that privalage?
Or am I being a bitch!?
I would have the same age
I would have the same age kids share a room, same as I would do if it were 2 biokids instead of a bio & a step. I think babies need their own nursery, especially if momma is nursing through the night. When the child gets older (& is sleeping better through the night) then I would probably put the step with youngest if the oldest didn't have enough space or they weren't getting along.
I don't think you're wrong &
I don't think you're wrong & I'll be stealing your explanation in the future if SD gets jealous of the new baby. (I don't think it'll happen because of age difference, 7.5 years, but just in case).
I think it was sweet & age appropriate.
Thankyou all for your
Thankyou all for your comments
Much appreciated, honest to god xx
I was thinking more along the lines of a temp bed, only because it would cause VAST arguments between the girls over who should have the top bunk, and Im afraid OH would side with his princess....when logically its BD's bedroom and she should have the choice on where she sleeps EVERY night.
BUT as Tommer24365 said, SD6 has been used to having her own room, so I think that is a delicate issue that does need to be broached. SD only had her own room, because it was originally kept as playroom, and the two girls didnt cope well sharing a room originally. Plus, there as simply no space at all! I do still feel that its SD that has to sacrifice, given that she is only with us once a week predominantly. Baby would be with me in a basket for the first few months, then moved once a sleeping routine has been put into place.
I think, in a way, with all the issues that are coming up lately, that SD needs to understand that although she is more than welcome at ours, and will be looked after, and treated and loved etc etc, that ultimately it isnt her "home". Does that make sense?? Her home is with her mom, and in fairness, BD and/or any future Bios, is at ours. Its separate whether its liked or not. She has a camp bed when she stays at MIL too, and the girls used too have "sleepovers" in each others room using an airbed. They were normally in BD's room because it is bigger