Homework Saga Update
DH calls SS to say he's unhappy that three assignments are missing. SS makes about a million excuses and even says that he may have an F in one class already, but he has a B in another class. Um, yeah, not how that works. He says he handed in *all* of the late assignments, but they haven't shown up, yet.
DH texts BM and says he's unhappy that the child isn't handing in his homework and he wants there to be consequences. BM tells DH that this is only an issue because *I* want to make her look like a bad mother. My expectations are too high for her children and I just need to realize she's an "excellent mother". DH ignores her comments about how it's all me and says that he thinks as SS's parents, he and BM need to set high expectations for him and consequences if he doesn't do what he needs to do.
BM then later texts DH "I just got home and SS told me he handed in his assignments, they just haven't shown up online yet. Thank you for being an asshole and ruining my day." There goes a learning opportunity, BM now has made it all about DH just causing trouble and has let SS know that he's fine, no need to do your homework on time, even if dad says you should. I'm sure she even told SS that this is only an issue because of me...not because DH wants his kids to work hard in school.
I checked online today and SS did hand in two assignments (both late - one a full week late and one almost a week late), but there is still one missing assignment. Also, even with handing in those missing assignments and not being penalized for them being late, SS still has a D in that class. Now, I suppose, a D is better than an F, but come on, this is six grade. If he has a D already, before he really had to do any work, what's going to happen when he actually has to start doing work.
I can't wait for high school.
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Comments
This must be a tween coming
This must be a tween coming into teen age for boys AND a middle school thing. My boys started 6th grade last year, in an extremely gifted school that required them to get accepted into; they are very smart boys. Anyhow, they were trying to pull the same stunts. They would do their homework, but "forget" to turn it in. It was infuriating to say the least. I was on them like flies on poo. It stressed me out daily. This year I had a talk with them about ONLY checking their online portal when needed. I'll explain. When midterm reports come home and they are getting anything below a 75%, I will check the portal, if that grade is due to missing/late assignments (our portal shows when they were late) and/or bad grades, all electronics are gone until the report comes home. If the report comes home with the same bad grades, I'll check the portal again (same rules apply) only now, the electronics are gone for the entire next quarter. I REFUSE to check their grades daily and I will not do it anymore.
I know you and your DH can't do much if BM isn't on board, but dad needs to stand firm when SS is in your house.
This one kid hasn't worked on
This one kid hasn't worked on homework since I've known him - which was when he was wrapping up third grade.
BM always makes excuses for him and says he's just a "challenging kid" who can't be expected to do what other kids do. That's fine if she wants to think that way, but she'll be the one to support him into adulthood, not DH. I won't have him moving into our house and I won't be funding things for him when he's an adult.
She's an "excellent mother"
She's an "excellent mother" and not concerned that her kid is receiving failing grades and tried to say you set the expectations to high?!?! LOL! Mmmmkay! I guess all crazy BMs think they are the best thing since sliced bread and have to announce it constantly. Our crazy BM is always acting like mother of the year also...trust me she isn't! I'm glad your DH is supportive of you and made it a point to say "as SS's parents that they need to make expectations/consequences"! This is something I would disengage from if I were you. Sorry, it is not going to change if BM has that attitude towards the problem!
****THIS***** "I guess all
****THIS*****
"I guess all crazy BMs think they are the best thing since sliced bread and have to announce it constantly."
The Girhippo is Mother Of The Century doncha know and regularly does a shout out of how wonderful she is to her admiring FB sycophants. :sick:
I feel like they think if
I feel like they think if they praise themselves enough out loud other's will believe it...or it will become true?!?! I don't know the thought process b/c I am not that crazy! LOL!
The craziest thing is that DH
The craziest thing is that DH is the one who is a stickler about homework, because his parents were sticklers about homework. DH is not the best student, but his father made him sit at the table until homework was done and his father pulled him from sports one year because his grades were not up to par. DH learned to work hard in school because his parents required it.
I was a much better student, so didn't have to work half as hard. Also, SSs are not my kids, as much as I think they should be doing their homework and think its terrible that they don't even bother to hand it in, I will not take that on as my challenge, because they spend most of their time in BM's home and I, as SM, cannot do much to create good study habits if she doesn't care.
SSs know I read all the time and they think I'm a total nerd, so my telling them to read or do their work means nothing. I've helped them both with their work and the one who doesn't hand anything in told me "you'd make a good teacher", but these high expectations are not coming from me, they're coming from DH.
Ah yes, the old "I am an
Ah yes, the old "I am an excellent mother" bullshit.
Medusa used to tell the Judge that all that time. In fact, in one of her many manifestoes to him, she actually said "I am an excellent mother. I rarely blow my stack."
And by rarely, she meant every single time DH would go pick up the skids. I swear, we could have wall papered the walls of the master bath with all those police reports...
I've told DH that anyone who
I've told DH that anyone who feels the need to announce that they are an "excellent mother" clearly isn't. I'm not a mother, but I have friends who are by all observation truly excellent mothers. They are always saying that they are terrible mothers.
BM in my case doesn't require the kids to do anything, lets them play online video games into the wee hours alone in their rooms (one SS just told us this week that his "best friend" is someone who lives out of state, someone he met while playing some video game online), leaves them alone for extended periods with their 15 year old stepbrother (who rarely leaves his bedroom, according to both SSs), and doesn't have any consequences for bad behavior. She also loves to tell the kids that if anything goes wrong for them, it's somebody else's fault...usually their dad's fault. Apparently, her definition of "excellent mother" is different than mine.
Your are 100% correct. It
Your are 100% correct. It usually is the ones that aren't that good announcing that they are! I've never heard any of my good friends that are mom's toot their own horn like that. They are always questioning their judgment and admitting they don't know everything and open to advice from others!
Ha, BM in my case wants to coddle SD anytime she does something wrong so basically no consequences and no yelling b/c SD is already anxious about whatever she did....mmmmkay....and yes SD is always the victim even when she is clearly doing something wrong...not her fault! Ugh!
Your are 100% correct. It
Your are 100% correct. It usually is the ones that aren't that good announcing that they are! I've never heard any of my good friends that are mom's toot their own horn like that. They are always questioning their judgment and admitting they don't know everything and open to advice from others!
Ha, BM in my case wants to coddle SD anytime she does something wrong so basically no consequences and no yelling b/c SD is already anxious about whatever she did....mmmmkay....and yes SD is always the victim even when she is clearly doing something wrong...not her fault! Ugh!
Our rule is homework gets
Our rule is homework gets done when we get home. I wanted to slap the crap out of my ex husband when he told bs then 6 that he didn't have to do it till later....excuse me, you see him two weekends a month and do not do homework you do not get to make decisions for my home.
The kid is 10 and even with no adults home when he gets off the bus starts doing it. When I get home I hang out with him while he works on it.
The parents that don't set their kids up for success are shooting themselves and their kids in the foot.
Last year, DH would call SSs
Last year, DH would call SSs after he got home from work at 4:30pm and they still hadn't done their homework. They now get home by 2:30pm and their stepdad is a "stay at home" dad, according to BM. Can't he say to them "ok, now go work on your homework, so it's done before your mom gets home." Apparently, he can't. The kids also don't have a quiet space to work on homework. When DH would be talking to them on the phone, you could always here the tv blaring and people talking. DH would say to them "go in your room, where it's quiet" and the kid would respond "I'm in my room."