Mind Blown - BM has a new man
DH told me last night that Skids told him that BM is "dating" someone new...someone they have already met, even though the ink is barely dry on her filing for divorce from husband #2 and the divorce is months from being final. Now it all makes sense as to why she was offering up Monday as an extra day for Skids to stay at our house, since today is Valentine's Day.
On the one hand, it all makes sense because BM is not the type to be an "independent woman", so this explains why she actually filed for divorce in the first place. I'm sure she soured on husband #2 and future husband #3 (who according to Skids is not someone she works directly with, but someone she met through work) was there to make her feel special again. She met husband #2 while she was still married to DH and as she told DH he was a "beautiful, beautiful man" and "very wealthy" (spoiler alert - he was neither). I'll be interested to see who this new guy is...
On the other hand, I'm blown away because BM is ugly both inside and out. I have friends who are beautiful, smart, funny, kind, successful, etc and they are single, yet BM is already started on husband #3. DH was the first person she ever dated and even he said he was "repulsed" by her physically, but still married her anyway because at 25, he thought he should be married and that marriage would make his life better (joke was on him!).
DH told skids that he didn't care about BM's personal life. I told him that even if he doesn't ask them for details, he better pay attention. Skids are in high school now, so if one of them doesn't get along with this new guy, they'll be asking to move in with us and I'm not interested in taking in a skid who has been trained by BM to do nothing other than fail to launch. DH is convinced they would never leave BM because they are too "attached" to her...I hope he's right.
Also, BIL and MIL have taken it upon themselves to "comfort" Skids about BM's divorce. They still think they DH doesn't know and are helping BM to keep it a secret from DH...nothing like a little family dysfunction. Skids are now old enough to recognize it, too, so they told DH it made them feel awkward...I'm sure they didn't act like it was awkward, though.
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Your single friends probably
Your single friends probably have standards. Enjoy the peace and quiet while she focuses on the new victim, er, I mean man.
Lol - very true about the
Lol - very true about the standards. DH speculates that this new guy is a lot older. I speculate that she didn't meet him "through work", but at the casino.
She's still trying to keep all this hidden from DH and I'm hoping that keeps her away for a while.
If they are in high school
If they are in high school you can practice critical thinking skills with them. Ask them why their mother would act and do the things she does. They are stuck with her and you most certainly don't want them moving in. Give them the ability to see the truth and how it affects them.
One can now see BM for who
One can now see BM for who she is, in some ways. The other is so enmeshed with BM that he already sees her as the "victim" in divorce #2.
More power to her
At least she isnt trying to get your DH back. Plus this will keep her too busy to try to interfere in your life. Although my SKs hated BM's boyfriend then husband, Clueless, he kept her occupied and gave her someone new to fight with. All good.
In a perfect world, she would have selected a man who wanted to live with and support her and 3 aggressive, boisterous SKs but that didn't happen. At least Clueless took her off our hands. Gotta look at the upside. Lol.
Since she's trying to keep
Since she's trying to keep all this secret from DH, it has meant that she's been more quiet than usual. It has made her try to switch weekends (and convince DH he agreed to the switch when he didn't) and add extra days, like Monday (after she spent more than a year fighting to reduce DH's time), however and I expect that to continue since she'll want time to herself.
I hate to tell you, but....
I hate to tell you, but the result of BM getting together with Clueless was all 3 kids moving in here full time. Looking back, though, it was easier than all the visitation transition and BM's interference during that time.
That's my fear. They only
That's my fear. They only have three years left before "adulthood" and BM would fight hard...if for no other reason than to keep CS coming, so maybe that would delay things long enough.
When I was single 25-29 I
When I was single 25-29 I would some times think to myself how the f some men find some of the people they were with attractive. Whether personality, demanding etc. I would be like what's wrong with me??! I wasn't just going to settle though.
BM here has never been single (from what I've witnessed and been told prior to me)
Funny story... first year I was dating SO she broke up with now husband for about 3 weeks, moved in with another guy, and introduced the skids to him. This guy brought the kids on vacation (mountain type vacation) with his 3 kids, and then BM broke up with him and went back to now husband. She even brought that guy to her brothers wedding LOL. Poor guy. We knew it wasn't going to work because he was divorced with 3 kids too. BM couldnt handle her own.. now way she was going to take on 3 more.
That was one of my first fights with SO. While BM was in between men he was "storing" her motorcycle for her at our house. I was like WTF. This is when I started to realize there were zero boundaries with them. SO let BMs ex boyfriend after there divorce store stuff at his house too. That was prior to me. BM walked all over SO.
Times have so changed LOL.
"Love" is a very weird thing.
"Love" is a very weird thing...
My DH was BM's doormat when I met him, too. I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with a guy who was still in a "relationship" with his ex-wife. DH wasn't co-parenting with BM because she wouldn't allow him to have any say in parenting, but he was providing her with a lot of emotional support because he was trying to be the "nice" guy. She was already remarried to husband #2 at that point. I used to wonder what that guy thought about his wife (BM) calling her ex husband (DH) daily to talk about her life. Maybe he was just glad that she was taking her emotional aggressions out on someone else.
He probably didn't know. SO
He probably didn't know. SO and I have had that conversation before. We think what actually happens when she goes through her waves and what she tells her husband are two very different things.
Her coming into our house blog I wrote about was a perfect example of that haha.