Raccoon under the bed
This weekend, DH took SSs out to the family cabin for their weekend. I have stopped going for a variety of reasons, but mostly because I need a break from being a stepmother.
DH calls me this evening and of course, like clockwork, as soon as he starts having a private conversation with me, one or both SSs have to pop up in the background to listen in. We're talking and I hear in the background, "dad...." SS - who is in high school - has come into the bedroom DH is sleeping in to say there is "something under the bed". He is convinced it is a raccoon. This SS notices that DH is on the phone, but keeps talking and asks DH to "switch rooms" with him because he is too scared to sleep in a room with something under the bed. DH tells him to get lost.
A few observations: 1) this "cabin" is not really rustic, it's more of a house in the woods. It is very well sealed up and very rarely has any animals getting inside; 2) I feel as though everyone in the house would know if a raccoon had gotten inside, it wouldn't be trying to hide under the bed; 3) this high schooler is afraid of his own shadow. When we were out there previously, he didn't want to go outside alone because he was "afraid of bears" even though DH has never seen a bear in the many decades he has been going out to this place. He's also afraid of snakes and birds; 4) neither kid can ever let DH and I have a private conversation when they are around. The last time I went out there with them, they sat inside all day. As soon as I went outside to find DH and talk to him, they followed me. Even my friend's four year old understands that he's not allowed to listen in on adult conversations. DH claims that he tells SSs that they need to allow us to have private conversations, but he never enforces it. They are in high school for crying out loud. Would they like it if I listened at the doorway every time they talk to BM while they are with us?!
I'm so glad that I'm not out there. To further make me happy that I stayed home, as soon as MIL realized they were out there (thanks to a camera DH installed), she invited herself to join them and DH was too accomodating to say no. MIL saw Skids last weekend when she took them to BIL's for a birthday party without telling DH (we are never invited to birthday parties at BIL's), even though DH has specifically requested that she let him know when she's making plans with BM. So, it's not as if she hadn't seen them in a while. Also, whenever DH is alone with MIL he agrees to do all kinds of things for her and she has to tell him about all the things I do that bother her or all the things that he is doing wrong with his life, so in general, she is not my favorite person. She also played the helpless victim even when inviting herself over. This was how the convo went - MIL: "I see you're out at the cabin. Am I invited?" DH: "that would be fine." MIL: "well, I don't know if I want to go..." - fishing for DH to say, "please come! We all miss you", which DH did not say. DH didn't say that and told me after the conversation, "I'm not sure if she's coming." Really, I can't stand the neediness and manipulation from that woman.
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Congratulate yourself
Pour yourself s glass of wine and thank your stars you didn't go. Really sounds like fun. Lol.
My sd’s clearly are ordered by bio mum to report everything back
So about 2 yrs ago when they reinitiated contact and wewrnt out for lunch or family engagements etc about 3 times i gave up participating.
firstly they are glued to hubby (22.5 & 13.5 yr old) non stop next to hubby like miniwives that we are lucky to get even 1 min of private time alone...
i told hubby it wasn’t at all a romantic time having his adult and teenage skids along one bit and I wasn’t going to have our marriage privacy invaded by skids with no respect...
plus their neediness kills any romance i want with hubby so he is stuck with not bringing them along if he wants me there and me not going to these visits of inlaws raises questions with hubby because inlaws know its about skid behaviour
Same here - BM always tells
Same here - BM always tells DH that overly dramatic SS "volunteers" information to her, including specific details of counseling sessions he went to with DH. I take that as BM immediately asking him "what did you talk about?!" or "what did you do?!" after every visitation. She always has too many details for things to just come up casually in conversation. That said, I also know that it's a two-way Street. Both SSs love to say things to try to get a reaction out of DH with regard to things they do outside our home. DH is usually not paying enough attention to notice, but I know BM is. For example, one has said to us several times "I'm really good at parking the car." I assume either BM or her DH has let them drive the car in a parking lot even though they are over two years away from being eligible for a license. He will say that and then look over at us and has also said it repeatedly, so I know he's going for a reaction. I don't even think DH heard him or registered what he was saying and I don't really care, so the kid didn't get anything from us. If he said something similar to BM, however, her head would explode and she would send DH a litany if angry messages about how dare he do something she disagree with on his time.
I've noticed recently that both SSs follow DH around like lost puppies. The last time I was with them (over a month ago), DH was cooking dinner and they were both standing right on top of him. He said, "why are you hovering about? Please get out of the kitchen." And one replied, "we just want to watch you cook, dad." I'm not sure if this is because DH and I are having a baby and they are staking out their territory in advance, but really, they are both in high school now and haven't always done this, so it's really annoying.
Why in the world does MIL
Why in the world does MIL have access to the cameras in the house?
I don't blame you for staying home. Doesn't sound like fun to me.
She has access to the outdoor
She has access to the outdoor camera, because the house is technically hers. The land was originally purchased by DH's paternal grandparents and then two houses were built - one now primarily owned by DH's aunt and uncle and one owned by DH's parents. When DH's father passed away, MIL gained full ownership. We installed the camera at her request, so it's linked to my account and I foolishly gave her access (to that camera, not to the others on my account).
Gotcha, so it's really her
Gotcha, so it's really her cottage, therefore she feels fine about inviting herself to go with them.
Yes. Although when she asks
Yes. Although when she asks BIL he will tell her no, he would rather she didn't join them when he is out there, so part of the issue is also that DH is a pushover when it comes to his mother, which is the bigger problem for me. DH will complain about his mother and feels that she's not supportive, but will not get out of his own way by telling her not to come around. That could be in part because he's given up since MIL repeatedly ignores his boundaries and then tells him he's a terrible person if he calls her out...the old extinction burst. Seeing how he and his mother interact, I'm not surprised that DH found BM's behavior to be so "normal" for so long.
When DH and I separated, I
When DH and I separated, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to hear Killjoy's voice, and I never wanted her knowing any of my business. So the one time we were talking and I heard her attention whoring in the background, I hung up and refused to talk to DH for several days. It never happened again. He talks to me in his bedroom, with the door closed.
If DH answers the phone or
If DH answers the phone or calls me and I hear voices in the background or he says something to someone else while we're on the phone, I say to him "I can hear that you're busy, bye" and hang up.