I'm doing it. I'm leaving him.
Someone, please... assure me that I am doing the right thing. I feel in my heart this is right, but I'm terrified, I need to hear it from someone else. My biggest fear is our BD4. The thought of sharing custody and spending more than one night with out her breaks every piece of my heart. The fact that I can't be there all the time to protect her from his mood swings, to allow him to take out his anger on me instead of the kids. What if skids feel betrayed? I will never see them. Disrespectful as they are, I love them. He gets to stay in our home. I have to move. My home will be foreign to my babygirl. What if she doesn't want to come to my new place? What do I do when he cries and begs me not to leave? This morning, I was just a dumb b**ch. Worthless to him. Tonight, I will be the love of his life and he will beg me not to go. I have to leave. It's the right thing to do. I just hope I can maintain my strength throughout the process.
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No, its never gotten
No, its never gotten physical. But there were times when his words hurt worse than a punch in the face. I don't think I have to worry about shelters or any of that. I just worry about his inability to control his words when he is angry. I've heard him call his 9 & 10 year old boys "a**holes" scream at them for no reason, tell them they are stupid. I've heard him call his 14yo daughter a slut. The list goes on. I am just usually there to tell him to stop, or take the brunt of it. But, attacking someone with words is not illegal, and he will get some custody of bd4 whether I like it or not.
"attacking someone with words
"attacking someone with words is not illegal"
Well.. Actually it kinda is, if it's mentally and emotionally damaging to a child. If you could somehow prove that he's verbally abusive, and that your daughter would suffer if left alone with him, he might only get supervised visits. I feel bad for his children.
You should not have to be
You should not have to be with anyone who EVER calls you a dumb bitch. I don't know your whole situation, but it sounds like if you know in your heart that it's the right decision, it will be the right decision. Your daughter will get used to a new house. You aren't going to be able to help what your skids think, but I would just let them know that it has nothing to do with them at all, and is just between their dad and you. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. (((sunshinegirl)))
Yeah I agree. She can either
Yeah I agree. She can either get used to a new house or get used to being verbally and emotionally abused...take your pick!!
I don't know your story, and
I don't know your story, and I feel like I am betraying a SM code for saying this, but if you actually genuinely fear for BD4's safety when she is with him, go for supervised visits.
pray! you are in a horrible
pray!
you are in a horrible situation and i can't advise you on what to do, but if you are in fear for yourself or the bd/skids if you're not there to take his grief ~ something has to give and i don't think you are doing yourself or bd any favors by living like this with this man.
please make a plan b4 you discuss anything with SO, get your finances in order and all your personals in a safe place out of that house.... if necessary, get a restraining order...good luck.
Agreed, 100%. Every word.
Agreed, 100%. Every word.
I agree with TW & Starfish.
I agree with TW & Starfish. Pray, and seek out the love, comfort & support of fellow steptalkers, family & friends. If you fear for BD's safety, go for supervised visits. Just remember we're all here for you.
YOU are your baby girl's
YOU are your baby girl's home. It doesn't matter what you have surrounding you-- you will always be your kids home. Don't let that be something that scares you in an already stressfull situation
To be fair, I return the
To be fair, I return the nasty words at times. I don't just sit back and take it. By constantly defending myself, I have become someone else, and I don't like the bitter woman I have become. I can't get back to being myself with him in my life.
OMG, that is exactly what my
OMG, that is exactly what my ex and I say about each other. He's a good guy, but we brought out the worst in each other. Huh... SO true. I get a long with him better now than I ever did married to him, but I don't have to deal with him so he can't push my buttons like he did when we were married. He can try, but wouldn't work. No emotions, no reason to fight.
Exactly. My husband and I are
Exactly. My husband and I are best friends. Something that EX and I NEVER had. So much better this way!
Best of luck to you
Best of luck to you SunshineGirl. It is difficult, but humbersidegal is right. If you have the strength to reach this decision, you have the strength to follow through. I am sorry for the position you're in. You & your daughter will be in my prayers. ((((((hugs))))))