I actually never had any intention of going to the b-day party for step-grandson because I don't want to be around the X or the Father. SD loves to make up stories to get people to hate me; BIG LIES. So I know the Father has violent attitude toward me and I don't like being around that kind of animosity.

I spent a half an hour with my counselor to figure out a fair solution to the problem. I decided I was agreeable to having hb go without me on any night but the two nights that our couple time. There was ample time to plan around the other 28 days of husband's availability.

After I go through all this trouble, husband informs me that he's not going; If I'm not invited, he's not going.

Now, I know that sd and many other people will blame me for husband's decision, but I decided not to take responsibility for his choice and just let it be. If anyone flips me and crap over it I am going to tell them to talk to husband or pack sand because I'm not responsible for his relationship with SD.

They are both adults and they can work out their differences themselves. SD made a really big deal that she didn't want me parenting her. OK, fine, I'm not going to push my husband to be around her, that is something a Mother does and I am not parenting her at her own request. She doesn't get the benefits of my sometimes caring nature if she is going to treat me poorly.

At this point my husband is avoiding answering SD's phone calls for a week or so at a time. If she calls he lets it go through to voicemail. I'm not going to try and "fix" that either. Not under my jurisdiction.

SD blames me for her problems getting along with her Dad, but the reality is I encouraged him to spend time with her ad nausium. The reality is her behavior is so unlikable that he doesn't want to deal with her.

I'm not going to intervene on any of this. If she continues to attack the woman her Dad loves (me) she is going to continue to have problems getting along with him and I can't do a darn thing about it.

It's too bad that SD can't see that her behavior hurts her relationship with her Dad far more than it affects me. I've written off ever having a real relationship with the girl. I don't allow people who are violent towards me into my life and that includes 18 year old SD's who are old enough to know better than to act that way.

I'm just so tired of being put in the middle of things I have no control over and I just don't have the energy to give to people who mistreat me. There are so many other people in this world that I can help without being retaliated against and I would rather put my focus there.

All my life I have fought losing battles to my own detriment. I'm getting to old for that and I don't have energy to funnell into black holes anymore. I hope for my husband's sake that he and SD can work it out somehow and I'm willing to be an adult in all of this, but I'm not going to be there to "make things better" for people who don't want to look at their role in their own problems.

Growth can be painful. I had to take a long hard look at myself before my life could move forward. I didn't always like what I heard, but that understanding allowed me to do something about the problem. Can't fix a problem I can't see. This was a long struggle for me and I did it with far less support or resources than any of the people I am dealing with have.

I wish them luck, but in this situation my contribution is limited.

Susanna