So it is funny to be in a situation if I knew then what I know now and be able to have those kind of conversations with my now former stepsons.

So former SS16 babysat his 9 year old brother for us Saturday night so new husband and I could attend a friends wedding. It is a win win as BM was going out of town so he wasn't left home alone, he made money, his brother had a blast hanging out with his big brother and we got to see him as well as go to a grown up event at night. It was fun when we got home because he and I visited a bit and he caught me up. On Sunday morning I made his favorite breakfast from when he was little and they would have sleepover's with their friends at mine and exes house. After breakfast he watched me load the dishwasher and started giving me shit about how I always made them rise the dishes and were all over them about it. I told him well, I have a much better dishwasher now with a disposal BUT if I were to have a do over with him and his brother I would not sweat the little stuff like that and would have spent more time just having fun with them. Now I pointed out I need to be all over his little brother about minding and respect and helping out but that if his room isn't perfect I am ok that is not the hill to die on anymore.

Sometimes the sticking points we choose are really not worth the fight in retrospect.