BM needs to butt out....
BM is at it again...Her precious little snowflakes absolutely cannot survive without her guidance or wisdom. LOL OSS was sneezing and coughing and I think it was all related to allergies so DH gave him an allergy pill but he called mommy to see what mommy thought of course and she texted my DH and told that that he needed to take OSS to the doctor. Text got ignored LOL. Then the next day YSS sent her a picture of the bottom of his foot what looked like to be a wart and that he said to me that he has had for awhile again BM said YSS needs to go the doctor. Ok well you have known that he has had it for awhile why did you not take him to the doctor when he got it. DH told both of the skids yesterday when he got home from work that they need to come to him and to stop contacting their mother for every little problem that they have while they are at our house. BM's encourages them to do this of course because she wants to know everything that is going on and anything that she can use against DH in court. Typical PAS because her response to DH when he had asked to let him handle things when the kids are at his house her response was as much as you don't like it the kids tell me their problems and come to me about everything that goes on in their lives. Well I know that is normal for the skids to tell everything to their mother but, DH is an adult and he can handle things and make decisions while it's his visitation time. BM has a right to know what is going on but, doesn't need to tell DH what to do in every decision in our house. BM just needs to butt out!! This is so one sided and she just eats it up!
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"I think it was all related
"I think it was all related to allergies".. so you diagnosed the child and your husband administered the medicine you thought was appropriate. I can see how BM may not have been comfortable with that scenario. Unless the child has regular, seasonal allergies, I might not be quick to write it off as such.
The wart? just because he had it for a while doesn't mean that his mom necessarily knew about it. My feeling would that unless the wart is painful or interfering with something that it is not an emergency and could be handled by DH or BM with an OTC treatment.. but again, not an urgent need.
I'm curious as to how and when the kids are calling mom without anyone's knowledge. Is it when the babysitter is there? you? DH?
I think it's perfectly normal for a kid to whine to mom when they aren't feeling well. I also think it's probably normal for a mom to want to be involved in the kid's health care. She is the primary custody parent I am assuming.
In the end though, all your DH has to do is tell her "I am handling it during my custody time" and that is the end of it. There is nothing for you to get involved in or upset about. She tries.. he shuts it down.. it's over.
Now, if the kid ends up having strep throat again or something and your DH didn't get him to the DR... well, expect a bunch of second guessing.
Here we go again with you
Here we go again with you taking BM's side. YSS told me that his mother knew he had the wart first of all and second of all they tell her everything because she had told them to I know for a fact by what she has told my DH and the way she treats him. This is a typical scenario of PAS against my DH and yes it affects me because this happened yesterday when I was watching them. They both called and texted her yesterday. I could hear OSS on the phone with her because I could hear her voice. She just needs to let DH handle it and be the parent while the skids are with him. She is not a doctor and doesn't even had a degree she had a LVN certificate. I did not diagnose the kid BM thinks that every time these kids have a sick that there is no home remedies and that they must go to the doctor immediately. If everything has been done to try to help the kid then he goes to the doctor not we take him to the doctor immediately. Especially for a wart.
I actually agreed with you
I actually agreed with you that a wart didn't seem to be an emergency.. that either DH or his BM could handle it????
About the fact that you said that "you thought" the cough and sneeze was allergies... well, that sounds like you did the diagnosing. If you had said DH said it's allergies so he gave him an allergy pill.. that would have meant something different.
And.. I'm not taking her side, but letting you know that a mother being interested in her child's health is probably not unusual.. even telling her EX what she thinks should happen isn't unusual either.
I don't think it's necessarily PAS for a child to tell their mother they don't feel well..or even tell her about their day. She is their primary caregiver, I think it would be natural for them to want to tell her stuff like this.
I think the kids are in the habit of doing it. I think you husband needs to reiterate that when they are with him that these things need to go to him (or tell you if you are the only one around). As far as BM calling or texting him? He tells her "I got it covered". Unless she has 100% control in the CO over medical decisions.. he can ignore her.
It is her manner she texts DH
It is her manner she texts DH at work and tells him that he needs to do something. Maybe if she was more polite and had some class it would be different. You can make a suggestion to someone without being rude then it would be a whole different story. CO states that DH can make medical decisions while the skids are on his visitation time. It just gets very old of her knowing everything that goes on in our house yet DH knows nothing whenever the kids have problems at their mother's house. She oversteps her boundaries.
I think there's a difference
I think there's a difference between a mom being concerned and a mom actively encouraging their child/children to contact them about "anything" while they're with the other parent--particularly if anything and everything the kids report will be used against the parent.
In the latter circumstance, it feels like the autonomy of your home is compromised at every turn, which undermines the relationship between the parent and children and increases the level of resentment that a stepparent has about their Skids.
Tankh, I think you all need to take the phone away from your skids. They can call BM when you're around, but not other times. And no pictures, whatsoever. If skid sent a wart picture, you can bet your bottom dollar that an errant bank statement or piece of court paperwork will get sent, too.
These kids are being used as weapons against their dad. You all need to take some action to keep that from happening further.
Thank you nengooseus that is
Thank you nengooseus that is exactly what I thought as well. DH talked to both of the skids yesterday and said that if it continues to happen then the phones will be taken away and they can talk to BM when he is around.
I get what you're
I get what you're saying.
It's pretty normal to think things like "I bet it's just allergies". Especially if your DH already had allergy pills handy, I bet this is not the first time the kid acted up with allergy-like symptoms.
You're his wife. BM is not. It's normal that he would turn to you for your opinion before asking his ex.
She needs to let your DH handle things in his own home when it comes to the kids. BM shouldn't be undermining your DH... but especially not in your own home.
Exactly they should've stayed
Exactly they should've stayed together if she wanted to handle things like this. I get where she is coming from that she wants to know what is going on with her kids especially when they are sick but, she needs to let DH be a parent when it's his visitation time and apparently telling her and ignoring simply still does not work because it still happens whenever the skids stay for an extended time with DH. She could've told DH hey your son is saying that he isn't feeling well could you please let me know the outcome of what you decide to do about it. Making it his decision not treating him like a child and telling me what to do like she always has. Like I said she doesn't see him as a parent even she sees him as her summer babysitter that she can tell what to do and when to do it.