I finally got what I wanted....to be a mother....but its to a stepson who tests me all the time!
Ugh. This is going to be my place to vent.
My mother put it into perspective the other day. I'm 24 years old, Divorced (no children from the marriage. and no children of mine whatsoever) I've known my boyfriend/fiancee for 8 years and we finally got together. but he was a package deal. We said "all in or nothing" and the NEXT DAY they moved in.
Its hard to adjust. his son tests my limits when his father is around. when his father is not around he comes to me calls me mommy tells me he loves me and is a perfect angel! But around his dad its different.
I got a total of 12 hours to get use to being a mother. It was like we jumped into this way to fast and its not like i can say i need space now. He is out of work so we are struggling. I've always wanted him, since my boyfriend in 2005 introduced us. finally i get him and its hard b/c i now have a step child to take care of.
What can i do to at least help me thru things? Especially, when the 3 year old is testing me?
Its hard enough being 24 and just getting divorced and trying to adjust to that life. now i have to adjust to being a full time student, a full time mother, and a full time girlfriend (which i rather call wife b/c my duties are just like a wife's.) I'm on Steptalk to find someone i can turn to when things are hard whether it be with motherhood or my relationship.
- TarashaEppley's blog
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Comments
You said it yourself sweetie,
You said it yourself sweetie, you jumped in way too fast. Why not take some time to actually let the dust settle around your divorce and take it slow as you would any relationship? 12 hours?! Am i reading that correctly?? You are in for a lifetime of being your bfs sons babysitter and it kinda sounds like thats how it is already. Welcome to the group hon, my advice is work on YOURSELF first before tackling all of THAT.
Oh dear!! Sounds like too
Oh dear!! Sounds like too fast!!
Its doable tho. But your guy & you need to be on the same page. Where is the mom? You sound like custodial, but just checking.
You & your guy need to sit down together & talk about expectations, discipline & general scheduling issues, like bed time, ect.
Hes still such a little guy, & it gives you a very good time to bond!!
Interesting approach- the 12
Interesting approach- the 12 hour thing...haven't heard anything alike. :?
But you seem to be very committed to your new little family- please be assured that those kind of problems you face are normal and many here go through similar.
A three year old can be challenging of course anyway- in your situation I am wondering how your BF behaves toward him when he is around.It is very important that he backs up your authority and discourage his son from being disrespectful.The adult rs should come always first- you two are a solid team that gives SS3 a sense of safety and stability.
Some here suffer because their So's put their children first- treat them like their spouses rather than their wifes.The consequences are kids with blown up ego's that get away mistreating and disrepecting their stepmums and on the other hand stepmothers who feel helpless , unhappy and even depressed.Watch out for any signs of those- as long SO backs you up , most challenges can be overcome.
We are here to support each other.