My husband can't believe we're "doing this to SD8"
I posted awhile ago about how we couldn't decide how to rearrange the rooms in our house to accommodate the new baby who will be arriving in less than a month. Well, in the past week we finally made the decision.
Currently, SD8 and DD3 have rooms beside each other upstairs. After going over a bunch of different scenarios, we decided that the baby and DD3 will need their own rooms, so SD will have to be moved downstairs.
There are two rooms downstairs. One is currently set up as a guest room and the other has been designated as the toy room. SD will get to choose to either have the guest room with the understanding that it will still be used as a guest room when we need it to be, or we can put a bed in the toy room for her with the understanding that DD3 will still get access to it to play with her toys (within reason - if SD needs privacy she can have it).
My husband was fine with this decision when we made it earlier in the week. But as SD's EOWE visit approaches and he knows he has to tell her, he's started to make comments about how he feels bad that we're "doing this to her". Last night he was damn near moping around about it.
I can't wrap my head around his thinking. We moved into a brand new, high-end house in a lake community just over a year ago. The basement isn't very basement-y because it's a walk out. Both rooms have large windows that look out onto the lake. SD will essentially have her own bathroom that will very rarely be used by anyone else. I guarantee that the accommodations at our house are far better than what she's got with BM in their trailer, regardless of her having a room upstairs or downstairs. I don't at all feel that we're "doing" anything to her.
When I was SD's age, I also had to move into the basement when my youngest sibling was born. I had no choice in it and my parents certainly didn't mope around worrying about what they were "doing to me". I understood that my baby brother needed a room upstairs near them and I was taught that adults are the ones who make household decisions like this.
I guess my husband just can't get over this guilty, "poor COD" way of thinking.
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Yeah, by the time 8 rolls
Yeah, by the time 8 rolls around, kids are usually starting to want to assert that independence. She might really like having her own space. I would have been ecstatic at that age knowing I get a floor to myself with my own bedroom, bathroom, and playroom! It's not like it's a creepy, dark, dingy basement. Sounds nice to me.
If she chooses the guest
If she chooses the guest room, we'll let her have some say in changing the decor.
That's the plan for when
That's the plan for when guests come. You're right - plenty of people kick their kids out of their rooms when they have guests and there's nothing wrong with it.
Really??? Kid is 8 years,
Really??? Kid is 8 years, not 8 months.
More than capable of sleeping on a different floor than her daaaaadddddyyyyy.
Your daybed idea is dumb - SD would be waking up every time the baby woke up. That's just silly.
"Your daybed idea is dumb."
"Your daybed idea is dumb." LOL. My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I was thinking this
Yeah I was thinking this too.
Eventually BS will move down to the "basement" bedroom (we live in a bi-level house)when he is a little older. He'll be turning 11 soon. He's in the room next to mine and DH's right now. I like him being closer in the event of an emergency and just so I can make sure he is going to bed when he is supposed to.
Actually, since you clearly
Actually, since you clearly don't know anything else about my situation, SD doesn't "belong" in my DD's space. We have had too many problems with SD8 - I don't have time to go into the details now but others on this board know my back story.
If you saw our "basement", you would see that it is hardly a basement at all. As I said, it's a walk out and has large windows - bigger than the ones in SD's current room with a nicer view. Also as I said, I slept in a basement when I was her age and survived.
You also shouldn't assume to know anything about the layout of my house. SD will be one floor away from my husband and I, not two.
My 8 year old granddaughter
My 8 year old granddaughter would love being in the basement if there are windows not a scary "basement" setting. Maybe he should just wait and see how she reacts, she may be happy about it.
I think she will like it in
I think she will like it in the end too.
A few months ago we were talking about the options with her. She initially said she would like to share a room with DD3 and my husband told her she could without checking with me.
But during her next EOWE visit, she said she had changed her mind and wanted her own room downstairs. I'm guessing she told BM about sharing a room with DD and BM told her she should get her own room.
Oh, FFS - seriously?? "hey,
Oh, FFS - seriously??
"hey, kid, here are your options. Which do you like better?"
At MY house, the decision would be made without giving an 8 year old a choice.
And, since your "basement" is really a walk out, it's is living space, with plenty of egress.
WHY do people give 8 year olds such power? Not only over something as dumb as a room, but also over their emotions, like your husband is doing.
Thank you for getting it! I
Thank you for getting it! I actually wanted to just make the decision to give SD the guest room, but my husband was the one who insisted on giving her some kind of choice in the whole thing to make it easier on her.
I grew up in a household where my parents made decisions FOR us, not WITH us (at age 8, anyway). I don't understand why he tends to give her so much power either.
Teas - does he always act
Teas - does he always act this way when it comes to SD? He sounds to me like a Disney Dad who doesn't want to hurt Precious' little fee fees....
How is he with your DD3? Does he treat her the way he treats SD??
I grew up the same as you - my parents told me what to do and where I was going to sleep.
Have you asked him why he is giving her the decision making power? Have you asked him why YOUR opinion is irrelevant?? Does he know how SD got his balls into her Polly Pockets collection???
He's been a Disney dad for
He's been a Disney dad for quite awhile - not when we were first married, but in the last 3 years or so. We split up for awhile a couple of years ago and I moved out because of how bad it got. We started going to counselling and things got way better. But with this baby coming he seems to be slipping back into his old ways. I'm guessing it's because of all the trouble BM and GBM caused for us after DD3 was born - he's worried that SD is going to start complaining to them again so he's trying to make things easier on her.
He definitely goes easier on DD3 than I do, but he lets SD get away with more than DD.
I guess I haven't specifically asked him why he wants to give her so much power. I think he's doing it because he's being a guilty parent and because he's afraid of what SD will tell BM/GBM and what the fall out could be from that.
"I guess I haven't
"I guess I haven't specifically asked him why he wants to give her so much power. I think he's doing it because"
And here's your problem. He is more afraid of them than he is committed to living his life with you.
Sounds to me like a return trip to counseling is in order. Somebody needs to learn some boundaries, and it sure as hell isn't you.
Perhaps if you present it to him from the "why are you giving her so much power and why are you giving away your position as man of the house to an 8 year old bratty girl with a c*nt for a mother?" perspective, he might understand?
Okay, maybe leave off that last part
He might partly be afraid of
He might partly be afraid of them because I told him that if they involve our children in any of their legal nonsense again, SD will not be welcome around our kids and he will have to see her outside our home. I can't have these people make false accusations towards me as a parent and potentially involve CPS again. It happened once before DD3 was born so it didn't impact us nearly as much as it would now.
okay, but even so...he is
okay, but even so...he is still refusing to draw boundaries. What a way for you and two young children to live....I have a feeling that as SD gets older, she will absolutely understand that she runs the show...
I don't know how you do it...
It's been like this just in
It's been like this just in the last few months, with the baby's due date approaching. After we moved back in together we went for over a year with very few problems. He changed almost immediately after starting counselling - all it usually takes for him is for someone else to agree with me and tell him that his way of thinking isn't benefiting anyone. Once we can find the time to see a counsellor again I'm certain things will change fairly quickly.
^^Dingdingdingdingding!!! WOB
^^Dingdingdingdingding!!! WOB wins the triple chocolate cupcake!!!
mmmmmm, cupcake............
mmmmmm, cupcake............
I rarely agree with you,
I rarely agree with you, downsouth, but you are exactly right about this one.
You're spot on, downsouth. SD
You're spot on, downsouth. SD has nicer living arrangements than most kids do. I can't feel sorry for her, basement room or not. I know of lots of EOWE fathers who have their kids sleeping in sleeping bags, sharing rooms with their siblings, etc.
Amen. I think this all the
Amen. I think this all the time when DH starts moping about the skids and "what they're doing without." These are kids who get handed a free car from their grandparents ON their 16th birthday and who get a MAC airbook when they graduate from high school. They all currently have nicer cars than me or my mom...who is 57 and a teacher. They all have nicer clothes than me, nicer computers than me...and I'm the one who's working and making money with my computer. DH has said this in relation to the living situation at our house...as an argument that we should get a bigger/better place. Wah, wah, wah. It's "not fair" to SD to make her use my home office as her room EOWE. Boo hoo. Mind you, I don't invade the space while she's here, and she has everything she needs as well as plenty of privacy.
I'm not willing to take on more hours and added stress so princess can have a "perfect" living situation. I like our house...it's paid for...and it's perfect for US...me and DH. It's a very American idea that kids should all have their own rooms to begin with...very 21st century American, even.
**Duplicate**
**Duplicate**
Sharing a room with DD3 is
Sharing a room with DD3 is not an option for multiple reasons. We considered it, but it's not going to happen.
My husband hasn't bothered to teach SD how to keep her room tidy, and since I don't get a say in anything she does I haven't taught her either. But my DD understands that we have to clean her room periodically and keep it relatively neat. If the girls share a room, it will be a disaster by the end of SD's visits and I have no interest in being involved in cleaning up after her.
SD also has a history of running to BM and GBM to complain about every little thing that goes on in our house. They've gone to BM's lawyer with all kinds of accusations and they've involved my DD in it. I don't want SD to share a room with DD to give her more things to complain to those two whack jobs about.
LOL. Thanks for understanding
LOL. Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from.
Is the basement actually 2
Is the basement actually 2 floors away or just downstairs? I'm not sure I could do 2 floors away, but downstairs? Sure.
I'd turn the toy room into the bedroom for SD8. They can each play in their own room. You have a big enough home for each kid to have private space--why would you allow the the 3 year old to play in the 8 year olds room??
Because it would still be the
Because it would still be the toy room, not just SD's room. You read the part where we're giving her the choice to have her own room (currently the guest room) or just have a bed in the toy room, right? She can choose to have her own room, but the toy room will still be where we keep the toys.
Our house has 3 levels. DD3 and SD8 are currently on the top floor. My husband and I are on the main floor. So the basement is just one floor away from us.
Well if it's just one floor
Well if it's just one floor away that sounds better.
Even though my house is bi-level and BS would be one floor away from me and DH (but opposite ends of the house) personally for ME I would wait for my BS to be just a little older (and honestly he doesn't even have to move to the basement room) but that is just me and my opinion and what I would feel comfortable with.
But it's not like you and your girls are on top floor and SD is 2 floors down.
I completely understand that
I completely understand that some people would be comfortable with their child being a bit older before being further away. But either way, SD will be one floor away from us whether she's upstairs or down. The difference with being in the basement is that she'll be the only one down there instead of having DD3 next door like she's used to. DD3 currently sleeps on the top floor of the house by herself 12 days out of 14.
How about making the toy room
How about making the toy room SD's room having the guest room double as the toy room? When you have guest over, all of the kids would just have to play in their own rooms.
I'm one of those parents who hates the idea of not having all bedrooms on the same floor.
There's not enough room in
There's not enough room in the guest room for it to double as the toy room - it's already got a full bedroom set in it. Plus, a child who only comes EOWE is not getting the biggest room in the house so that it can sit empty for 12 out of 14 days and essentially be unusable for the rest of the kids who live there full time. I would entertain the idea of moving the guest room to the toy room or giving SD the toy room IF she made some sacrifices regarding her toys. But she (and my husband) are not willing to do that.
I didn't post this to ask for advice or alternatives on room arrangements. The decision has been made. I posted to express my frustration with my husband's attitude towards the adjustment that SD has to make.
it's a 5 bedroom house, HR.
it's a 5 bedroom house, HR. MORE than enough room for everyone.
Two of the bedrooms are in the lower level.
Two are on the second floor.
One is on the main floor.
What burden is being placed on SD? That when grandma comes to visit, she may have to sleep on the couch??? She SHOULD and when the 3 year old is old enough, SHE can give up her bed for grandma, too.
Disney said that she is one of the parents who likes all the bedrooms on one floor. She doesn't have your "SD needs to have her own room that NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED IN TO BECAUSE THEY MIGHT SNOOP" crazy train of thought.
I couldn't imagine allowing
I couldn't imagine allowing any child in my home to sleep in a bed while I put their grandparents on a couch or the floor. What would that teach your kids about being respectful? SMH.
If any of our parents came to visit and said they would prefer DD's room over SD's, I'd gladly have DD sleep somewhere else even at her current age. Who knows, maybe MIL would offer to get up with the baby in the night or something so it would make sense to have her next to the nursery.
i had my own room in a very
i had my own room in a very basement-y basement for a few months at that age. my st.sis had her own room down there too. there were concrete floors and cinderblock walls but we loved it. dad "kicked us out" so he could turn our bedroom into his office/library. unfortunately bedrooms in the basement was against code so we had to go back to sharing.
i'd mention to your dh that maybe when sd3 is older she can move down there too, then use her old room as a toy room.
if your dh is so torn up about sd8 going to the basement, why doesnt he just have his girls share a bedroom?
Oh, it's actually not "his"
Oh, it's actually not "his" girls. SD8 is his and DD3 is ours.
I commented somewhere on this thread that I don't want SD sharing a room with DD because I'm not allowed to have a say in anything SD does. She leaves her room it complete chaos at the end of each weekend and my husband hasn't bothered to teach her that she needs to tidy it up before she goes home. If the girls share room, then DD's room will be a disaster.
My husband's CO says that he must allow SD to only be around people who are "positive". If I tell SD she needs to clean her/DD's room before she goes home, then I'm not being "positive".
I also don't want SD and DD to share a room because of the trouble BM and GBM caused after DD was born. SD runs home to complain to them about every little thing that she doesn't like about our house and a lot of it involves DD. If the girls share a room, it'll give SD way more things to complain about and I don't want to deal with the crap we dealt with a couple of years ago again.
"My husband's CO says that he
"My husband's CO says that he must allow SD to only be around people who are "positive". "
WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
And, for what it's worth, telling a kid to clean her bathroom or clean up after herself IS positive.
How on EARTH did your husband agree to that? Does he go to her school to make sure everyone is positive? hat if a teacher corrects her? What does BM do then?
Does he go to all her friends' houses to check out their parents??
Does it really say that or does it say that neither parent will denigrate the other parent? What is the exact wording??
WOB - I can't remember the
WOB - I can't remember the exact wording because it's been a couple of years since I last saw the CO, but that's the gist of it.
After DD3 was born, GBM spent a year documenting everything that SD said about her visits with us. I was named in pretty much everything.
"Teas doesn't let me play with the baby."
"Teas stole my pink monkey to give to the baby."
"Teas made me stand in a corner because I lied but really I didn't lie about anything."
"Teas made me clean up my mess."
Everything was embellished, fabricated or twisted to make me sound like a horrible person. Everything I did was "traumatizing" for SD. So because of that, BM asked to add that paragraph to the CO about only allowing positive people around SD. And my husband agreed to it to avoid fighting. This was shortly before I moved out.
I agree that having a child clean up after herself is positive, but unfortunately in these messed up situations things are seen differently. It's so ridiculous.
"And my husband agreed to it
"And my husband agreed to it to avoid fighting. "
THAT'S your problem. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't live with a man who was more concerned about upsetting his ex-wife than his current wife.
Back to couples counseling....or the divorce lawyer.
Tell me, does BM only allow "positive" people around pretty pretty princess??
There is nothing you said to SD that was traumatizing. The fact that your husband is willing to throw you under the bus to appease BM makes me very sad for you. And, now you have a new little one on the way
He wasn't married to BM, but
He wasn't married to BM, but the principle is still the same.
That's always been his thing when it comes to BM - give in to her to avoid fighting. He hates dragging out anything with the lawyers so he doesn't retaliate. I was pretty upset about the whole thing which is why I ended up taking DD and moving out.
I even called BM's lawyer and told her that if GBM gets involved and does this kind of thing again, she will hear from my lawyer. I had my lawyer send BM a letter several years ago warning her that what she was doing was defamation of character and that we would take her to court if she continued her behavior. That's why GBM was the one to document all of these things.
Back when this all happened, my husband agreed that we couldn't let anything happen to our family just because BM and GBM have an ax to grind. He told me that if they involved our own kids in anything in the future he would agree to see SD outside of the house.
I think it was easy for him to agree to that at the time, but now that there's going to be another baby and another adjustment for SD, he's worried he's going to have to follow through on his promise to me, so he wants to minimize the potential for SD to be upset about anything.
Since we've moved to a new town, we haven't been able to find a counselor that fits into our schedules. Once I'm on maternity leave we'll be able to find the time to get it to work though.
BM probably doesn't only have "positive" people around SD. We hear complaints about things that go on at BM's house too, but it would be silly to believe everything a kid says when she wants to play one parent off the other.
Tell him to STFU or to go
Tell him to STFU or to go sleep in the basement with SD.
LOL. I almost did tell him
LOL. I almost did tell him that last night.
I should've also mentioned
I should've also mentioned that prior to moving to our new house, SD slept in the basement at our other house. She started upstairs but when DD3 was born she had to move downstairs. And she lived. Imagine that. For some reason my husband didn't make a big deal out of it then, and SD was only 5. Our other house was also a walk out basement so it was similar to the house we're in now.
Have you asked him why this
Have you asked him why this time feels so different to him?
I guess I didn't specifically
I guess I didn't specifically ASK him about it, but I did point out that SD has moved into a basement room before and was totally fine with it.
He probably wouldn't admit it, but I'm guessing it's because of all the trouble BM and GBM caused for us after DD was born. GBM spent a year documenting everything negative SD had to say about her visits with us and she involved DD in the majority of it. I'm guessing that because we're having another baby, he's worried the same things will happen so he wants to make the change as easy on SD as he can so that she doesn't run home and complain about anything.
Seriously sucks living that
Seriously sucks living that way. YSD17 did that when we first bought our house and moved in. She ran back and told BM everything that she didn't like or felt slighted about. Ugh.
ETA: YSD wasnt living there just coming over on weekend.
It's definitely not fun. I
It's definitely not fun. I stopped worrying about it quite awhile ago after I called BM's lawyer and told her how ridiculous GBM's accusations were. We haven't heard anything in about two years.
I told my husband at the time that if my children get brought into anything by BM or GBM again, he will have to see SD outside of our home. I can't have these crazy people threatening anything to do with me or my kids. I've already been investigated by CPS based on false accusations from BM - before we had any kids of our own. Now that we have our own kids it would be far more serious.
Yes, when we bought the new
Yes, when we bought the new house we planned on having one more baby so the number of rooms made sense.
We designated the one room to be the toy room for a few reasons. The kids can all play together this way and we can supervise all of them at once. It's very organized, with SD's toys in one section and DD's toys in another. The room is bigger than our master and it has double doors leading into it, so it has more of an entertainment room feel to it rather than a bedroom. When I was growing up we generally didn't keep a lot of toys in our own rooms because we all wanted to play together, so it made sense to do the same thing with my kids.
I won't be letting a 1 year old play with a 4 year old's toys, since I'll obviously always be supervising what my kids are doing. :?:?: I don't think it has anything to do with where the toys actually are.
Thank you Sally.
Thank you Sally.
Um, where did I say that DD3
Um, where did I say that DD3 has a toy room all to herself? We currently have two kids whose toys occupy the toy room, and soon there will be a third. It's how we've decided to organize the toys in our house because it reduces the clutter in each of the kids' bedrooms and it allows the kids to play together in one area where we can supervise them.
SD, who only comes EOWE, actually has MORE toys in the toy room than DD. This is partly because when I try to go through the toys to reorganize them and donate some things, everything of SD's becomes "precious" and we can't possible get rid of it.
Tell him to get a baby
Tell him to get a baby monitor for his little snowflake if he's so damn worried about it. No matter what part of the house she's in, she's going to run back to BM and GBM and say whatever she wants about whoever/whatever she wants. The room sounds suitable to me, so if there's nothing to worry about, let her go complain. It's not like any authorities are going to get involved because you are trying to make room for a new child in the home. It makes sense that the younger and 24/7 children would be upstairs anyways.
right? "mom, you wouldn't
right? "mom, you wouldn't believe it! It's horrible. I have a walk out to the giant backyard and my own bathroom. Dad and SM suck, don't they?"
LOL - go ahead and tell your stupid tales, little girl
LOL. You should have seen
LOL. You should have seen some of the ridiculous things that GBM documented a couple of years ago......we're truly awful people.
Oh, I totally get it. We are
Oh, I totally get it. We are abusers that don't know how to bathe, feed, or just take care of children in general apparently. DH was over the top Disney parent who bought SS anything and everything he could ever imagine and took him places he would have never had the chance to go otherwise, but when showtime came down, he hated us and we were stupid and didn't take care of him and we never bought him anything, blah blah blah. Kids are going to talk either way if that's what they've been taught to do. *shrugs shoulders* whatever. Tell DH to get the eff over it. Lol
I'm glad we can commiserate.
I'm glad we can commiserate.
BabyVoice and ASS used to
BabyVoice and ASS used to tell Medusa that I was mean because I told them to clean up their messes and pick up their shit - lol!
She turned it into a court filing to keep me away from her precious babies. She told the judge that I:
burned BV with a curling iron on purpose
made the kids eat food that harmed them
force fed BV diet pills
beat and punched ASS and Karate Kid
I laughed my ASS off when I saw the pleading. We head to court and she gets on the stand to tell her side of things. Awesome Attorney begins to question her, asking her if she ever called the police, took the skids to the doctor, talked to DH about any of the things that I was doing to her precious babies. She said no.
Judge interrupted Awesome Attorney and told him that he didn't believe a word that Medusa said and that if those things DID happen and she did nothing about it then she should not have custody anyway.
I laughed and walked out of the courtroom
I was also accused of burning
I was also accused of burning SD with a curling iron on purpose......and something regarding what we were feeding her too. This is why I went to my own lawyer to potentially take BM to court for defamation of character.
if your newborn will be one
if your newborn will be one floor away from you, why can she not have her nursery downstairs, and leave sd/dd where they are?
I'd prefer to have my two
I'd prefer to have my two girls together upstairs since they're the full time kids. It's just easier that way. Plus, SD hasn't been taught how to clean up after herself. The bathroom that she shares with DD now is always a mess after she visits. If it's my own two girls sharing it, I can teach them to keep it clean without any backlash.
It wouldn't make sense to have one up and one down, leaving an upstairs room empty for 12 out of every 14 days.
another option, you could
another option, you could move your dd3 to what is essentially the 1st floor, along with putting the nursery there? move the toys to where dd3 is currently?
dd3 and new baby will still just be one floor away.
Sorry, "move DD to the first
Sorry, "move DD to the first floor"? I'm not sure what you mean. Our house has two rooms upstairs, one room (the master) on the main floor, and two rooms downstairs.
The decision about room arrangements has been made already. I just made this post to discuss the issues my husband is now having with how SD will feel about it.
I'm guessing it's because SD
I'm guessing it's because SD is only there EOWE. When SD isn't there, the children would be on two different floors for 12 out of 14 days.
We have exactly the same
We have exactly the same floor plan - 2 up, 1 main, and 1.5 down in a well lit, finished walkout basement. We also have 3 kids total when SD is here (half the time.) I've been trying to figure how to do this too. I think by the time SD is 9 (6 mos away) she will probably move to the basement guest room (it is beautiful, with a large bathroom and walk-in closet etc, probably the nicest bedroom in the house). It would still be the guest room when family comes. We have both girls (ages 2 and
in their own bedrooms upstairs now, and our baby son in our room. But there are two cribs in DD's room- with plan to move baby boy in there once he is sleeping through the night. They're so close in age we were thinking sharing might be good. The only problem with that of course is they both still cry (like babies!) and seems like someone is waking needing something. I mentioned to DH asking SD If she'd rather share her bedroom upstairs with DD2 or move to basement. My DH also weirded out about this- I think he feels strange about "asking" SD to move from her room, or, God forbid, share her room. Her room is huge and she had her pick of the bedrooms before sibling a came along. I personally don't think it's hurtful to ask her to share now, especially since she's not here all the time, but... Guilt. The reality is no one is trying to displace her and no need to feel guilty- we're just not planning on buying a bigger house because our house isn't the perfect 4 bdrm up and 1 main master layout- and everyone needs their sleep! Your sd will live no matter what the room situation ends up being.
Your situation sounds so
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I'm glad that you don't think I'm asking for anything outrageous by having SD move bedrooms. I did it twice growing up and I'm still alive.....I'm probably more independent because my parents required me to grow up and do things I didn't necessarily want to do.
I would take that lying
I would take that lying little brat aside and tell her in a quite calm yet very scary voice that if she EVER tells another lie about me or my children I will make her regret it for the rest of her life.
She of course will go running to "tell" on you. You can just shake your head and say "she's making up more stories." }:) }:) }:)
I am guilty of doing this.
I am guilty of doing this. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, DH was busy placating everything and saying it was all ok and WE understood why he had to lie. Newsflash: WE didn't understand SH!T! Lol. Didn't matter, he still lies, but I got the satisfaction of telling him that it was in NO way ok no matter what anybody said, lying is bad, ESPECIALLY with such high stakes.
I should have worded that
I should have worded that differently. The guest room would become SD's room. I kept calling it the guest room to differentiate it from the toy room. If she chooses the guest room, she'll have to understand that if we have guests stay while she's with us we will need to use it for our guests and she can either sleep with DD or somewhere else.
My kids' play room is also the outdoors whenever possible. We ride bikes around the lake and jump on the trampoline when the weather cooperates. I also take DD out to my parents' ranch whenever I can, but we still have a toy room to store the kids' toys and play in.
The bed in the guest room is
The bed in the guest room is a queen, so you're right, SD will be definitely be upgrading. The entire bedroom set is fairly new and good quality. It's our old bedroom set - we upgraded to a king a couple of years ago. It's way nicer than the twin bed she's got right now.
When we first moved into the
When we first moved into the new house I actually offered to redecorate SD's room (the one she's in now) in some kind of theme and take her shopping to get everything. But SD didn't want to redecorate. She just wanted her random stuff from our other house, which included mostly things from when she was a baby - teddy bear pictures and stuff like that. She really likes to cling to things from when she was really little.
I'm not going to let her have a say in painting or wallpaper. The house is brand new and I'm not going to do anything to the walls. But I'm all for asking her again if she'd like to decorate it in a more grown up way.
Yes, eventually, as far as
Yes, eventually, as far as pictures and bedding go. But both my husband and I don't want to do anything to change the walls - other than hang pictures - since the house is still so new.
Yep, we've got a bassinet. I
Yep, we've got a bassinet. I plan on using it for the first little while but the baby will eventually need to be moved into a crib in her own room.
I had big plans when DD3 was born, thinking that she would be able to be in her own room right from the start (like you) but that didn't happen.
LOL. Believe me, I considered
LOL. Believe me, I considered it.
I totally agree. That's why
I totally agree. That's why my preference is to give her the guest room. But......apparently that might be traumatizing to just tell an 8 year old how it's going to be, so we have to give her options. You make a really good point though!
What's funny (or sad) is that SD doesn't get punished for bad behavior, so it's unlikely we'd face this dilemma anyway.
This...I totally agree.
This...I totally agree.
Can you really not understand why your DH feels like crap about this? He feels like he is putting one of his kids on the back burner, for his other kids. It can't be a good feeling.
Oh please. Moving a child who
Oh please. Moving a child who comes EOWE into a new bedroom is "putting her on the back burner"? So that's what my parents did to me when I had to move to a new bedroom to accommodate my little brother when he was born? That's what millions of other parents have done to their kids when new babies are born into their families? At least SD gets a choice in which room she gets. I certainly didn't have choice, nor do most kids. Generally the parents in the household make decisions like this.
To answer your question, no, I don't understand my husband's feelings about this. He's being ridiculous. He has said himself that he constantly had to move as a child and didn't have ideal room arrangements......and it didn't harm him in any way.
I really believe that his main worry in it all is that SD is going to run to BM and complain about having to change rooms and that he'll have to deal with some kid of fall out from that.
on the back burner?? How?
on the back burner?? How? The kid is getting a bigger space, with her own bathroom and IF any "guests" happen to come visit on the every other weekend that SD is there (which I am guessing doesn't happen that often) she would have to move.
This kid is moving from one room to another room that might be used in her absence when a guest is over....
My kids sleep on the couch if/when they come to visit from college. Am I depriving them????
Her husband "feels like crap" because he is allowing his fear of his kid and her BM to drive his thinking, feelings and pretty much everything else...he may FEEL that he is "putting one of his kids on the back burner" but the kid is there 4 nights a month AND is GETTING THE BEST BEDROOM IN THE HOUSE, aside from the master.
Her husband feels this way because he is a big baby who is afraid of an 8 year old....
No, according to OP her
No, according to OP her parents visit "about as often as SD does" - or, 4 days a month.
Instead of reading what she wrote, you ASSumed that her parents were there a lot. Which they aren't.
Your BM is still showing.
Please refer to my tagline.
*massive eye roll* Yes, I can
*massive eye roll* Yes, I can guarantee my family members will not be "snooping" in an 8-year-old's drawers. Thanks for insinuating that they are some kind of low life people though. DD currently does not "snoop" in SD's room, nor does anyone let her, so she would not snoop in SD's new room. Thanks again though, for suggesting that I would allow my daughter to do that.
How do I not care about SD's comfort? She's getting to choose which new room she wants. I'm going to offer to redecorate if she chooses the guest room. She's going from a twin bed to a queen bed if she chooses the guest room. She'll go from sharing a bathroom to having her own bathroom. I don't know a lot of 8 year olds who have accommodations as nice as she'll have.
DAD got a say in how things go at our house. He's the one who insisted that SD gets a choice in which room she wants. You might want to check your reading comprehension.
Guess who else gets a say? Me. This is the compromise that my husband and I came to together.
Give it up. Why are you
Give it up. Why are you insisting that my kids are going to snoop in SD's room? Guess what, I teach my kids proper manners and we have rules. When SD is away, the door to her current room stays closed and DD isn't allowed in there. DD won't be allowed in SD's new room either when she's not there, unless she's with me or my husband.
But guess who has snooped in DD's room? SD.
You just can't ever be on an SM's side, can you? Stop commenting on my posts please. You've got nothing of value to add.
Snoop? A 3 year old and an
Snoop? A 3 year old and an infant are going to "snoop?"
I think you missed the part where OP said she is calling it "the guest room" to differentiate it from the "toy room" and that should SD choose the bigger room, it will be her room. I ASSume that OP will then refer to it as "SD's room."
But, yeah, the comfort of her parents is more important than the comfort of a kid...any kid, step or not.
And? Households with more
And? Households with more than one child should teach said child to not snoop.
Exactly what goes on in your house, anyway, HR? Got a bunch of spies and busybodies over there, do ya?
I had three kids in my house. Never had a "snooping" problem.
How about OP making her sacrifice? She has to live with a kid who lies and causes CPS investigations. She is the one who has to watch her back....SD is there 4 days a month....
You are such a piece of work....
Um, nope, snooping won't
Um, nope, snooping won't happen. Why? Because I have taught, and will continue to teach, my child how to behave properly.
What sacrifice is SD making, exactly? Please tell me, given all of the information that you have about my situation, what room arrangement would you propose? Three kids, they all have to sleep somewhere. Where would you put them?
ok hrnyc now i'm curious.
ok hrnyc now i'm curious. take those factors out of the equation and look at what they are living in the present.
let's say YOU have a 5 bedroom house, master on main, two bedrooms upstairs from you and dh, and two bedrooms downstairs. you have a 3 yr old full time, a 14 yr old *four* days a week, and a baby on the way. WWHrD?- what would hrnyc do?
edit - 4d per month, not
edit - 4d per month, not week.
Yeah, I noticed that she
Yeah, I noticed that she couldn't answer my question. Instead she made assumptions about what we spent on the house and criticized us for it.
LOL. Yes, you're terrible
LOL. Yes, you're terrible parents for providing your kids with a beautiful home and *gasp* having them sleep on a floor other than the one your bedroom was on.
Perhaps you would have bought
Perhaps you would have bought elsewhere because you couldn't afford the house that we bought? I'm not sure why the amount we spent on our house has anything to do with it.
What a bizarre thing to say.
she may have left for now.
she may have left for now. which is too bad because i was genuinely curious as to what her solution would have been! people think differently, maybe she could think of something that hasnt been thought of yet.
Tuff is nicer than me, she
Tuff is nicer than me, she makes me want to eat clay.
lol hrnyc can be abrasive no
lol hrnyc can be abrasive no doubt, but i still value everyone's input and perspective!
I was curious as well. It's
I was curious as well. It's easy to criticize decisions that people have made, but it's another thing to say what your solution would have been in the same situation.
We've been debating this for months and we think we considered all options. This was the best solution we came up with as the adults in the house. Maybe HRNYC thinks we should have the kids come up with a plan.
"Maybe HRNYC thinks we should
"Maybe HRNYC thinks we should have the kids come up with a plan"
Probably so....she is verrrrrrry pro BM and skid.
I'm sure HR thinks you should
I'm sure HR thinks you should give up the master bedroom for an SD that is there 4 nights a month. And Teas, you and your children can sleep out back in the shed.
And.....? What would you do
And.....? What would you do in this situation. You know the details already - what arrangement would you have made?
So......a 5 bedroom house
So......a 5 bedroom house does indeed accommodate 3 kids. That's why we bought it. Every kid will have their own room - you realize that a ton of families even require their kids to SHARE a room with a sibling, right? I can't imagine what your opinion would be if, heaven forbid, we asked SD to SHARE a room with one of her sisters.
Where did I ask why SD doesn't care about my kid?
They do have room for three
They do have room for three kids. They have FIVE bedrooms. The SD is getting the nicest room in the house other than the Master...and she's rarely there.
Being pro-kids doesn't mean kids get to make all the decisions or be catered to or made perfectly comfortable all the time.That's not realistic or even good for them. My parents were strongly pro-kids. They had 6 of us, and we all felt like we were the favorite...all loved and respected and well cared-for. Guess what? We didn't get to pick where we slept in THEIR house. When they had guests from out of town, we bunked up for a couple nights or took the couch. We all turned out fine...great, actually. We're all highly-functional members of society who are making, creating, producing...working...and living great lives. Some of us have kids of our own now, and these kids are also great...loving, kind, unspoiled. I actually was just out with all five of my nieces and nephews last week for a photo shoot. As we were leaving, the photographer said that she groaned inwardly when we all walked in...and that she couldn't believe how easy these kids were or how well they listened and took direction. That comes from PARENTING...from NOT making your kid the "center of your universe" but from being strong enough to be in the center of family life together with your spouse. I really don't see how people miss this.
If Teas' DH just said to SD: "Oh boy! You have a new baby brother/sister on the way and that means you're ready to move into a more grown-up room!" That would likely be all it took. It's all about how you frame it with kids...it sounds like Teas' DH wants to see SD as the perpetual "victim" and she's following suit.
I love what you said in your
I love what you said in your middle paragraph.
I can't even begin to
I can't even begin to comprehend some people and their viewpoints when it comes to kids. Like...it's jaw-droppingly bad parenting put forth as not only the best way but the only way.
Even if you did wonder why SD takes no interest in your DD...you should wonder. That's her half-sibling, too, right? If I was rude or mean to one of my siblings as a kid, if I ignored them, my parents would put an end to it pretty quick. Love and respect actually have to be taught to children, it doesn't come naturally. Wonder why in HRNYC land, your SD should have outsider status when it comes to things like spending time with her little sister or cleaning up after herself but should be considered an integral part of the family unit when it comes to handing out stuff like toys and rooms? Seems trying to have it both ways to me.
Yes, her opinions are very
Yes, her opinions are very inconsistent.
There we go with the
There we go with the assumptions again.
I fully expect my children to move out when they graduate from high school and pursue higher education of some kind. Neither of them will be allowed to live at home and get a free ride after that.
Where do you come up with some of your BS?
LOL...and her choices
LOL...and her choices are....she gets a "guest room" that she can't stay in most of the time because you said yourself that you have family visit alot and they will use that room.
OR...she get a "toy room" that will really not be her room. So yea...I can see why he feels the way he does.
I totally understand your anger/hate for this child. All I am saying is that I also see your DHs point.
You might want to re-read
You might want to re-read some of this thread. I referred to it as the guest room to differentiate it from the toy room. If she chooses what is currently the guest room, it will become her room.
Yes, guests will use her room when they stay with us. Most people allow their guests to sleep in proper beds when they visit and have their kids bunk together for a night or two when it's necessary. Most of the time that my family comes, SD isn't even there so she will hardly be put out.
My husband is the one who wanted to give her the option of the toy room, not me. If it were up to me I would just give her the guest room.
I don't hate SD. Where did I say that? This is (or should be) a simple process of moving the oldest child into a new room when a new baby comes, just like tons of others families do every day.
Continually......hmm. I'm
Continually......hmm. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it once or twice that they visit to help us out with DD. Yes, I want them to sleep comfortably when they stay with us. My husband's parents come as often as they can too. Same thing - they get a comfortable bed, not a couch. I also mentioned that they often don't come when SD is with us, so she will rarely be asked to sleep somewhere else. You know that EOWE means 4 days a month, right?
did you read what SD and her
did you read what SD and her BM did to OP?? If you did, you would understand why OP is not a fan of this kid.
"Continually" marginalizes the minimizes the SD?
You and I must be reading different posts. OP is the one who wanted to give her the big bedroom. Hardly marginalizing. Her husband is the one who said stick a bed in the toy room.
Your BM is showing, HR.
No, she is suggesting that IF
No, she is suggesting that IF SD is there at the same time as any of the grandparents or other family members, that SD gives up her bed to the older adults. AS HAPPENS IN A LOT OF FAMILIES.
OP said move her to the big bedroom.
Why do you continue to believe that the lower level of Teas' house will look like some 19th century hovel with SD and all these grandparents in it??
LOL. Exactly. We're not
LOL. Exactly. We're not asking anything of SD that my parents didn't ask of me, or that tons of other parents ask of their kids. My husband is in agreement with everything we're doing. He agrees SD has to change rooms. This post is just about how he's starting to feel bad about it for no good reason.
A few months ago it looked like we were probably going to let SD and DD share a room upstairs. But then weekend after weekend, I'd remind my husband to have SD clean her room before she went home and he wouldn't do it. I already have DD tidy up her room each weekend.
When we were trying to reach a final decision on the room arrangements this week, I told him why I didn't want the girls to share a room. Rather than simply have SD tidy up her room at the end of each weekend, my husband said she should move downstairs.
Oh my god HR, so can no one
Oh my god HR, so can no one use SD's room when she's not there? 26 days a month that room should be a shrine to SD and any guests should just sleep on the floor? Or maybe you'd be kind enough to give them the garage? You're a piece of work.
Good God. I couldn't imagine
Good God. I couldn't imagine having visitors come and leave SD's room empty if she's not there anyway. "Sorry, Uncle Bob, we've got this nice comfortable queen sized bed in the next room that's not being used, but here's your sleeping bag and foamy."
I would always offer someone DD3's double bed, but then we're in the same situation. An empty queen sized bed but asking DD to sleep on the floor.
If you read any of my
If you read any of my comments on this thread, you'd see that I've expressed my opinion on what my husband likely questions. I've said I think he's worried about what SD is going to say to BM and GBM, who have both caused major problems for us in the past. He is worried that the slightest change in SD's life (the same kind of change that millions of kids all over the world experience every day) is going to prompt her to run home and complain about it.
You've also obviously missed the part where my husband was part of the decision we made and agreed to everything we're planning on doing.
You might want to re-read
You might want to re-read what YOU wrote...
"We have guests about as often as SD comes, to be honest. My family is always visiting us"
Yes, and......? That doesn't
Yes, and......? That doesn't mean there's an overlap.
which is about 4 nights a
which is about 4 nights a month, if you do the math.
doesn't seem that much, and I bet that those nights don't typically coincide....
Yup
Yup
Exactly. I'm not going to
Exactly. I'm not going to have a nice queen bed sit empty while my mom sleeps on a couch. I'm also not going to ask my elderly in laws to sleep on a couch while the kids all have comfortable beds. The kids can bunk together or sleep on the floor. I assumed this was fairly normal in most families. My DD will have to make some sacrifices when my in laws visit as well and I'm not going to feel bad about it one bit.
No offense meant by this. It
No offense meant by this. It is just an innocent question. When your DD3 is older and your relatives come to visit (lets say both parents come for a holiday or some other event), would you be comfortable having her bunk somewhere else so they can sleep in her room? If the answer is yes, then I don't really see where you can say there is favoritism. I think some people think that you are mistreating SD b/c she is the only one being asked to move. Obviously that is because of your DD3's age. But it sounds to me like you'd have no problem moving your other kids later on if it was necessary.
Oh for sure. If we have
Oh for sure. If we have enough guests at one time that we need more than one bedroom, DD will have to sleep somewhere else.
Yes, SD would be the first one to be kicked out of her bed because she's the oldest. But it's also because the room in the basement is more private and has its own bathroom. Guests/family members would also be further away from the baby waking up in the night. Actually, if we have guests that would prefer to sleep in DD's room for some reason, I wouldn't have a problem making her sleep somewhere else even at her current age. The girls might even have fun camping out together on the living room floor.
she doesn't have one monkey,
she doesn't have one monkey, other than Teas is a horrible person for not leaving the SD shrine unused the other 26 days of the month.
Would it make you feel better
Would it make you feel better if OP assures you that if both sets of grandparents are visiting at same time, she will boot BOTH DD and SD out of their rooms? :?
I would definitely do that.
I would definitely do that. There's no way I'd have any of our parents, who are all over the age of 60, sleep on anything other than a bed when they visit. Kids can sleep anywhere.
I totally agree with your
I totally agree with your line of thinking.
If my DD3 had her way, she'd sleep with me every night. Lately she's been sleeping lighter than usual and wakes up once or twice a night. She always wants to get into bed with me. Guess what I tell her? No. She's a big girl and she needs to stay in her big girl bed.
Teas 83 you have the patience
Teas 83 you have the patience of I don't know what because to me this is just crazy. The kid goes where the hell you tell the kid to go! Why the hell are people so insistent on coddling freaking kids??!!
I had a cot at my dads house EOW. Yep a cot and I am just fine.
Oh and on another note I did have my own room in his house and then guess what, he went and had 2 more kids with my step mom and guess who got the cot? I never questioned it because they didn't coddle me, I was told what was going on and I trusted the adults around me to direct me.
To throw another boomerang in to it guess what else happened??!! My mom had more kids too (she didn't even ask my permission), so at her house I used to have my own room and then had to share it with my sister when she was born and then my brother when he was born. THREE kids in one room. Stop the bus and call cps---- SMH.
Are all you people so rich that you never had to go without? Geez some of you are killing me softly with this poor SD has to pick between two rooms which one she wants. People are dying in Syria and this little kid gets to pick between two rooms and people are worried about her feelings?
I don't get it either. I
I don't get it either. I don't understand people who think children should have so much power, and I really don't understand people who think that a child is being put out by having to change rooms, especially when she even gets to choose which room she gets.
Too many comments to read
Too many comments to read them all right now . Sorry if I do repeats.
Two household members (3yr old and infant) certainly can't be anywhere other than floor you/DH are on. From what I did read, your 'basement' isn't really a basement, more your home is three levels of living space. So bedroom 'in the basement ' isn't really different than bedroom on main floor vs 'upstairs' top level.
Several things to consider. Will the big walk out viewing scare SD at night? May have to use window/door covering or blinds. Décor? I'd go with the playroom. DD3 can move some of her toys elsewhere (perhaps corner of basement family room). Let Dad and SD paint and get new bedding/accessories if needed. Keep the guestroom a guestroom.
Word of warning. If your lower level has a TV, don't think kid won't watch it while everybody else is snoring. Secondly, consider putting a landline phone (if you still have landline service) down there. No, not to chat or order down room service, LOL. For emergency and sense of security. Which brings me to final thoughts. Dad must discuss and physically practice escape routes with his daughter.
DD3 and the newborn will have
DD3 and the newborn will have to be on a different floor than us. Our master is on the main floor and there are two rooms upstairs. DD's been sleeping up there alone for over a year (12 out of 14 days that SD isn't with us) and she's fine. The baby will be in our room at first in a bassinet.
SD won't be able to see the walk out door from whichever room she chooses. She slept in the basement at our last house from age 5 on and it was the same situation. She was fine.
We're not painting anything. It's a brand new house and my husband and I don't want to mess around with the walls at this point. If SD chooses the guest room and wants to redecorate, we'll take her shopping and come up with something nice.
LOL. I didn't think it would
LOL. I didn't think it would become such a big discussion. It's nice to see so much support from people, but I'm surprised at some of the responses insinuating that we're somehow doing something wrong to SD.
Thanks for the response.
LOL. I know, I'm so mean.
LOL. I know, I'm so mean. We're going to traumatize this poor girl.
Please adopt me! I'm a good
Please adopt me!
I'm a good kid and I wipe my own as*.
LOL.
LOL.
Evil...I wanna be her skid!
Evil...I wanna be her skid!
There is a bar in the
There is a bar in the basement, just not in the bedroom, unfortunately.
wait - so there's a "common
wait - so there's a "common area" part of the basement too? i wonder if that could be used for playing in, with each kid having their own respective toybox. you can get some very pretty storage chests!!
It's not really an option
It's not really an option with how many toys the kids have. Seriously, this massive toy room we have is completely full, and I realize that sounds ridiculous. I make DD go through her toys after every Christmas and birthday or any other occasion where she gets presents. For every toy she gets, we have to give a different one away.
I've also tried to do this with SD's toys but I get resistance. Suddenly the toy that SD forgot about or hasn't played with since she was 2 becomes too "precious" to give away. So the amount of stuff that SD has at our house grows while the amount of stuff DD has stays the same. We've got a ball pit in the toy room that was SD's from before I came around. I've been wanting to get rid of it because no one uses it and it takes up a lot of room, but as soon as I make the suggestion SD makes a fuss and my husband backs her up.
I think I posted a blog about this awhile ago.
I actually would entertain the idea of converting the toy room into SD's room, or making it the new guest room, but it would require some sacrifices on SD's part regarding her toys. I can't see that happening though. DD would have to get rid of more stuff too, but that wouldn't be struggle.
Your situation is *really*
Your situation is *really* similar to mine. I could have written this particular entry myself. My SD does not like to give away things (and she gets as gifts far more than she can play with, there are probably 10 unopened toys in the basement that she doesn't know about that we use for regiftining) and our "playroom" is bursting at the seams with her toys. There are several things in it that are now conveniently appropriate for a 2 year old to play with. All 3 kids play in it (well the baby just sits there) and I can't imagine if all the toys were in SD's room what that room would look like. Good thing SD is very nice about sharing.
When people ask me what to
When people ask me what to get SD for her birthday and Christmas, I usually tell them to get her clothes. It's partly because of the excessive amount of toys she has and partly because BM is supposed to send clothes with her for her visits but rarely sends appropriate items.
Pack up the ball pit and all
Pack up the ball pit and all the other things you don't want at your house and sent them home with SD.
Let BM keep them at her house or throw them out.
I have done this in the past.
I have done this in the past. If these things are so important to SD, she can take them to BM's.
You and your husband are
You and your husband are giving that girl a ton of power. You don't need SD's (or your daughter's) input to get rid of all of those toys.
Even without the bedroom issue, removing a massive amount of crap that no one uses, is the right thing to do.
Correction: my husband is
Correction: my husband is giving that girl a ton of power. If I were to do the same thing with SD's stuff that I do with DD's (which I have tried to do in the past) there would be a massive backlash. First from my husband and SD, then from BM and her lawyer. If my husband would just parent SD like a normal human being, it wouldn't be a problem. But he's got this guilty parent thing going on again lately.
YOU CAN'T PUT ANIKI IN THE
YOU CAN'T PUT ANIKI IN THE BATH TUB!! she needs her own room with her own bed and her own bathroom!!!!
Why is she on this forum,
Why is she on this forum, then? Isn't this specifically for second families? There's usually a really, really good reason the first family didn't work out...
She was sent by my ex mil to
She was sent by my ex mil to torture me.
I thought she was a troll bc she seems so off sometimes, then I thought maybe she was really old and then I thought who gives a shi* she is nuts.
I could send you my mother
I could send you my mother in-law to figure this out for you, she's great at deciding bedrooms for her grandkid even before you put an offer in on the house! :sick:
Okay all joking aside from the bedroom issue I had.... I think your plan is a great option and letting her pick out a new bedding set for the queen bed would be very nice.
I'm letting my husband handle
I'm letting my husband handle the whole thing so that she doesn't perceive it as me doing anything to her.
I've already suggested to my husband that to help her make the decision, she could sleep in the guest room tonight and the toy room tomorrow night and then let us know what she likes better. Next time she comes we could do the same if she hasn't decided by then.
I agree that it needs to be made exciting for her - I'll pass that on to my husband. I just don't want to be involved in the conversations surrounding it because of her history of running home and complaining that TEAS is the one who does all these things to her.
Monkey, I agree with you. If
Monkey, I agree with you. If it were up to me I would just say she can have what is currently the guest room. This whole "choice" thing was the compromise I had to make.
I'm definitely concerned that I will be the one cleaning her room before we have guests. This is where I've decided I might just have to be the one to tell her to tidy her room and supervise it when the time comes. I've been basically disengaged in this area, but since it will affect me and/or my family members who visit, I'll have to have a say.
"What about her 3yr old...."
"What about her 3yr old...." I had the same thought when I read that.
I'm anticipating that DD3 will have a hard time with initially but I'm not all that concerned. She'll have to deal with it just like tons of other kids have. She'll get used to it.
I'm not sure why this is such a hot topic. I didn't think that giving a step kid a new room was all that mean. Like you said, skids don't always get a room to themselves to sit empty the majority of the time.
I told you this morning that
I told you this morning that kids get whatever rooms their parents assign to them
I really think your husband needs to get the speshul snowflake off that stupid pedestal.
He is creating an entitled monster child who will not be held accountable while her half siblings will. Those siblings will eventually resent that they have to do stuff and pretty pretty princess does not.
I hope you guys find a new counselor, but if all he needs is to hear someone who agrees with you, just show him this thread
"Those siblings will
"Those siblings will eventually resent that they have to do stuff and pretty pretty princess does not."
This is exactly what our counsellor told him, which caused him to shape up initially. He clearly needs to be reminded.
The only thing that makes me feel better about it is that I know my kids will be raised properly even if SD is not. They'll (hopefully) go on to be successful the way my siblings and I are, while SD will become a 33 year old waitress at Boston Pizza like BM.
LOL.
LOL.
The one problem I would have
The one problem I would have is security and emergency exits. You say this is a walk out. This means it can also be a 'walk in'. A number of children are snatched from their beds a few feet away from their parents. I presume you have security in place that no one can enter or leave the lower level at night. Good drapes so she isn't cavorting around half dressed for the local weirdo to perve at thru binoculars.
And then there comes the time she wants to sneak out with friends.....
What if there is a fire? Does she know what to do? A fire at the top of the stairs and she cannot get out. What then? Those things would be my main concerns for any child. Stuff happens. Small children get attacked by alligators at Disney. A child can drown in grandma's fish pond. If you want SD to be downstairs you need to make sure you have safety plans.
My ssons shared a room in our house. We only have a 3 bedroom but like you DH & I are on the main floor with 2 bedrooms upstairs. DD16 had one room and SS14 & 12 had the other room. If we had a fire in the kitchen we would not have had time to get upstairs to get the 'sleeping dragons' roused enough to get them out safely. So we had rules and escape plans. Break the damned windows and get out on the roof and jump. We can deal with broken limbs.
Yeah, kids give up their
Yeah, kids give up their rooms for adults, but is it always the SAME kid?
Disney, sometimes it is the
Disney, sometimes it is the same kid. My sister and I were the oldest of four kids. We were always the first to be asked to give up our space. My youngest brother is 8 years younger than me and he was never expected to change rooms. And it didn't bother me or my sister at all. My parents raised us to understand that they made the decisions in our house. We didn't question it.
Also, you obviously missed the part where SD comes EOWE. This means she's often not even there when we have guests. You're acting like she's going to be put out every night she's with us and that's so far from being accurate.