My husband doesn't like my daughter
I have 2 daughters. One from a previous relationship who is 6 and the other is from my current. I recently got married and you would think things would be better and theyve just become worse. My husband is so bi polar towards my 6 year old. One day he is into her then the next he can't stand her. He has been in her life since she was 31/2. He has talked with her telling her, he loves her and she can call him dad. This meant the world to her. But it was only a matter of time before that wore off. It wasnt always this bad. Yes, shes wild has an attitude sometimes and wants attention all the time! But what kid doesnt? His feelings towards her are so inconsistent she doesnt know how to act with him sometimes. There is no doubt that she loves him. She calls him dad (when hes good to her) and doesnt know her real dad. When she acts up he starts to act like the annoyed older brother. Getting into it with her. Telling me shes being a kill. Or the worst kid ever. I tell him shes a kid! Wait till the baby gets older you'll see. His response is... The baby will never be like her! I am just torn between being hopeful and fearing things will never change
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I agree with this ^^^^. I
I agree with this ^^^^. I have an 8 year old and 2 years ago, I had to curb that wild behavior. Attitude? Hell no. He KNOWS better.
Honestly, it sounds to me like maybe since she is your daughter and you love her so much (which is COMPLETELY understandable) that maybe you are giving some behaviors a pass that maybe should be checked.
"When she acts up he starts
"When she acts up he starts to act like the annoyed older brother. Getting into it with her. "
I do the same with my SS16. I am annoyed with him. He's not a bad kid, but he can be really annoying. Your DH may need to come on this site and get some ideas about how to set boundaries with your daughter so that he doesn't get so mad at her.
The hardest thing I find is the double standard in my home. My SO is allowed to be annoyed with his son and tell him off, but if I dare to feel annoyed by him, then suddenly I'm the she devil. My SO also keeps hovering and trying to micromanage the relationship between me and my SS, which is the worst thing he can do. I've told him again and again, he needs to back off, I'm not mistreating his son, but yeah, he's 16 and we have nothing in common, and SO already told me his son doesn't like me, so he wonders why I don't like hanging out with his son.
I think your daughter calling him dad only part of the time seems confusing. Your daughter's now using the "dad" name when things are going well, or maybe when she needs attention. Maybe she can just call him by his first name. To each their own, but I would find this confusing to be called mom only when me and SS are getting along. In the end, he's not her dad. But then I would never want my SS to call me mom.
Anyway, have your husband come on this site, so he can vent his frustrations and get some coping strategies. It may help him get a better handle on things with your daughter.
Yes, shes wild has an
Yes, shes wild has an attitude sometimes and wants attention all the time!
This is the crux of your problem.
Why is she wild? Have you tried being a friend to her (allowing her to do and say as pleases; talking to her) instead of a parent (setting boundaries; taking action)? Does she have a real, diagnosed mental issue (ADD/ADHD, or something else)? Either way, address the issue to the best of your ability rather than just make the excuse "she's wild." And if she has a real mental issue, I will be the first to agree that dealing with it is extremely difficult and sometimes heart breaking. I'll also be the first to acknowledge that sometimes the issues are beyond our ability to help. If that's is the reason, perhaps it is time to seek the next level of professional help.
Anytime she takes an attitude with you in front of your spouse, he will loose a little more respect for you. Kids, however, can't differentiate "okay, I need to treat mom this way when step-dad is around, but another way when he's not." She is going to always treat you the way which is most permissive, so in order for her to always treat you respectfully, you have to always expect respect from her and take action when it isn't received.
Anytime she takes an attitude with your spouse, he will build resentment. In some cases it will be toward you, in others it will be toward your daughter. In either case, it is ultimately detrimental to your marriage and his relationship to your daughter.
She, especially at 6, should always be expected to respect adults.
And while, yes, all children that age want attention all the time, most of them have learned to entertain themselves. They can be left alone to play in their rooms, kick around a ball or play in the sprinkler in the back yard, etc. They may *want* attention all the time, but they don't require it.
I don't think parents should
I don't think parents should EVER be with someone who treats their child badly. I don't treat my steps badly and my DH doesn't treat my bios badly.
When adults put their personal desires over the needs of their children, they generate nothing but problems.
That said, you admit that your child is wild and has an attitude. So, what are you doing to resolve that? Wild? What does that mean? Attitude? Is she rude and disrespectful, or just emotional and cries a lot?
If your 6 year old is already wild and full of attitude, what do you think it will be like when she's 16??