Is taking something without asking stealing?
My skids constantly take things from around the house that I left in the kitchen or living room so that when I need it or go to get it, it's gone. I have constantly said "if it's not yours, don't touch it" from the time they were 3 & 5 years old. Now, they are 14 (sd) & 16 (ss). Their BM died when they were young. I came in and they learned to manipulate people at a young age so when I didn't let them manipulate me and I didn't give in to their every whim, I instantly became a horrible person. But over the last year, I've learned that my DH has not only felt sorry for them bc their BM died but then continued to feel sorry for them because of how I treated them. Nevermind how I got treated. I am 99% to blame for the "tension" in our house bc I am the only one who calls them out when they are blatantly wrong. We found out six months ago that the skids were going into our bedroom when we were not home and taking things. I pitched a fit and told my DH to put a lock on the door. He still throws it up in my face that his parents door never had a lock on it. So, I'm a horrible person because I do not want my stuff gone through or "stolen" by his kids. I have found stuff of mine in their rooms numerous times over the years but I am told that is "just what kids do." Apparently, he just agreed to things over the years to keep the peace but in reality, he thinks I am the one who is wrong and the kids are right. The kids know this now and have taken full advantage of it. Am I really crazy not to want my stuff gone through?
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No normal kids do not
No normal kids do not confiscate other's belongings. Now if he is telling them that everything that you both own is theirs then you have a DH problem.
Do they feel free to go thru your purse and "borrow" money?
SS has gone through my purse
SS has gone through my purse and taken money. It now stays with me 24/7. Many years ago, DH would leave his money on the kitchen counter. SS would take it but that was ok because he left it there and guess what, he did that when he was a kid. Yet when ss took money off of his grandma's dresser in her bedroom, that was not ok. I tried to explain to him that stealing is stealing is stealing but DH still doesn't get it. It's so frustrating.
Maybe you should start
Maybe you should start "disappearing" the skids and DHs stuff - put in somewhere hidden. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, right?
What really gets me is that I
What really gets me is that I moved a long distance to be here. So I literally had to pack up my WHOLE life. I have keepsakes from my parents who I lost over 10 years ago. If that stuff goes missing, I can't replace it and I can't take the chance that it might go missing or it might not. You think he'd understand that. My kids are grown and in their 20's. I still have the "keepsakes" from when they were babies. Again, I don't want that stuff to go missing.
My SD went in my room and started taking the makeup I use everyday. I thought I was losing my mind and was late for work because I thought it had just dropped on the floor and rolled, etc. When I finally figured out what happened to it, I was told that it was just makeup!!!! Or if I leave my favorite pen by my chair in the living room & then find it in her bedroom, it's just a pen and why I am making a big deal out of it.
He makes me feel like I'm crazy for getting upset because something is not where I left it.
I would go tit for tat. Go
I would go tit for tat. Go "borrow" her make up, move it into your room. If her or DH make a fuss look shocked and say "but it is only make up", do the same with random things. They will get the point lol
hehehe, did that myself! it
hehehe, did that myself! it got to the point where i knew that talking to sd was not going to work, she was doing it on purpose to be a little bitch. so every time i found something of mine missing, i got into her make up bag and took it back, and took somethihng of hers as well. i ended up with a big tube of VS love spell lotion and a whole lot of lip glosses. i was hoping she would ask me if i knew where her stuff had disappeared to, and i was going to give it back and ask her how it felt to know her stuff had been gone thru and i had taken whatever i wanted. i had hoped to be able to teach her a lesson. but no. she never asked me anything. she asked fdh if he had seen her lotion, and she tore the bathroom and dining room apart hunting for it. i was holding back laughter. all she had to do was ask and she would have gotten it back. but she didn't ask, so she never did get anything back.
will you marry me?
}:) will you marry me?
Very true. I will have to
Very true. I will have to remember that next time it comes up!!!! But he doesn't see them as thieves. They are his children and I am the evil stepmother!
Just call a locksmith and put
Just call a locksmith and put a lock on the door. Don't discuss it with DH any further. Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.
The trick will be getting your DH to keep it locked. Sorry you have to put up with this. I could never stand it.
He put the lock on the door &
He put the lock on the door & he locks it consistently. He just constantly throws it up in my face that he thinks its wrong and he doesn't say this but he thinks I'm a horrible person for even wanting it there in the first place.
Your DH is ridiculous.
Your DH is ridiculous. Ofcourse taking things from your room is stealing, these children are not *yours* and I wouldn't even do this from my BM let alone my SM (I wouldn't even think about my SM!!).
I would use the fact that although you appear to have acted quite reasonably with your skids and DH (by giving them opportunity to change, asking nicely and discussing things calmly with your DH) they are labelling you "awful" and "evil SM". So bloody well give them a good REASON for these labels. Hell if you are doing the time, then do the crime (in this instance standing up for your property and yourself).
Firstly when DH throws things into your face calmly and sweetly remind him "that while YOUR parents may not have had a lock on their door, firstly they probably didn't have a thief in their home, secondly your parents were not dealing with skids (as after all I AM ONLY the SM and your children are not mine). I have asked nicely and been ignored by you all and funnily enough when they pulled the EXACT same stunt on their BIOLOGICAL grandmother that was unacceptable. I am NOT their biological mother, I am their SM, so NO blood ties here. Yet because they live in MY home, its ok. Well, it may be by YOU. Not by me. This is the last chance saloon otherwise I will take evasive action including: reporting any missing money from my purse, I will start helping myself to things that may be lain around the home (regardless WHERE they are) without asking or even admitting it. Be warned. Oh btw I have also given the skids the heads up on this and don't blame me when you allll ignore this final warning because that's on your heads, not mine."
I would then do the above, please please ignore your DH's subsequent reaction to the above (as he will KNOW you will have gotten him boxed in the corner and you now have all the power). Oh and make damn sure everyone knows about this situation, embarass the hell out of them all including DH. So if he bitches about it, admit you have had years of ss taking money out of your purse and DH saying its fine, well no more.
Your DH will always make excuses, but if you play by the same rules he does you can make his life hell i.e. he does what you want and sod your feelings, he lies/excuses things. I can tell you when I have given DH a taste of his nasty medicine he soon changes his mind and or he has seen the light.
Personally if your DH doesn't then I would suggest he moves out and lets you live in peace, like you deserve!
Oh, I see, so he locks it
Oh, I see, so he locks it consistently. If his kids are not really thieves and are great kids then why does he need to lock it all the time? Because he knows his kids are thieves!
Don't fall for the guilt he's placing on you. He knows what's up, he just need someone else to blame for his kids serious lack of values and his own serious lack of parenting so he can get himself off the hook.
i had this problem with sd20
i had this problem with sd20 when she lived here a few years all the time. taking things from me constantly, i would always find them in her room or in her make up bag, and she would act like i was an asshole for finding MY stuff and telling her to keep her damn hands out. i told her a millio times that if she needed something, put it on the shopping list that hangs on the fridge all week, and i will get it. did she? NO. because it was so much more fun to steal my stuff instead. the straw that broke the camels back was when after having this same conversation over and over, my chap stick came up missing AGAIN. after taking it back and telling her to keep her hands off my things a million times and offering to buy her her own. i lost it. fdh didn't understand. he seriously thought my blow up was about chap stick and he went and bought tubes for me, sd, and bd. i had to explain to him that it was not about chap stick. it was about her getting into my things, violating my privacy, stealing from me, having no boundaries and being disrespectful. THAT is what it was about. NOT chap stick. men need it spelled out for them. someone on here has sd's that take her highlighters out of her home office and her dh thinks it's just a highlighter, who cares? well it's not. it's about your space being invaded and your things stolen. it's disrespectful and infuriating. especially when the assholes could just ASK and you would likely get them their own!
My sd just turned 13, she
My sd just turned 13, she rarely takes anything of mine. She does however steal from my dd's.
DD10 has had toiletries, hats, and "things" go missing, DD7 - the latest was before the last school holidays (early July) the teacher sent home her new pencil case, pencils, textas, crayons etc to be labelled for the second half of the year. And the labels for me to do it. The pencil case and ruler had her name on = the rest needed labelling. DD gave it all to me and I left it in MY study. When I came to do it it was missing - the labels here, but the pencil case was gone. I figured DD had taken it to use. We searched the house but couldn't find it.
SD was here last weekend, and dd10 noticed dd7's pencil case in her bag. (BM and the skids are moving house and schools so she had all her school stuff here as OH picked her up from school Friday and she had to bring everything home from the old school.)
DD managed to secretly lift if from sd's bag, and I have now labelled every item and it has gone to school with DD7 today. Sooooo pissed off though - and I can't even tell OH as he will make up some excuse. And somehow WE will be in the wrong for taking it back, or I am sure it will be claimed that it was never dd's etc. Whatever.
Not saying anything to either of them, and my kids have been sworn to secrecy as well. We just reclaimed it and will claim to have NO knowledge of it if it ever gets mentioned again - exactly what sd would do if we called her out on it "I know nuthink!"
Earlier in the year it was a hat of dd10's, a particular brand name special beret, that was dd's fave. It was missing and we turned the house upside down - no hat. I thought she must have left it at her dads. The next thing she comes to me and shows me pics that sd has posted on instagram of sd and a few of her school friends and she is wearing dd's hat. Now sd never sees her school friends on our time, so she has taken the hat home and had it there obviously, I showed OH this and he was reluctant to do anything "what do you want me to do, I can't accuse her of stealing it!!!!" Like I was the most unreasonable person in the world and sheer evil for even contemplating it. Ummmmm she did steal it and of course you should bloody well confront her about it.
Nothing got said. But I searched sd's room extra hard when they were all out, (BM has this little issue with anything that OH or I buy for the skids not being allowed to enter her home LOL - played well for me this time as sd had to keep the hat with her at school etc or leave it here.) Found it at the bottom of the chest under her bed, way down in the bottom corner under everything else. I just reclaimed it.
A few nights later OH picked up skids, I picked up mine and we all met up at Macca's for tea. DD10 was wearing said hat.... }:) }:) SD was sooooooo pissed. LMAO it was the funniest thing ever. She refused to speak to us, look at us, sit with us. She made SS10 go and sit at another table with her, and when dd's tried to join them they faced the other way.... ROFLMAO. OH was mystified. She had been perfectly fine til we got there!!!! The kids all went in the playground to play - skids kept ignoring and being horrible. OH just could not understand what had happened.
I acted all innocent and *suddenly* realised what the problem could be LOL. I explained that I had found dd10's hat and where, and it was the one she was wearing. The penny dropped for him - sd was pissed that we had the hat back, and also that SOMEONE had been through her stuff.
I want to lock up every room so she can't lift things, but that's impractical, but I hate my kids having to deal with this, I hate dealing with it myself. Oh well, we are in counselling OH and I. Going well so far, I think he IS starting to pull his head out of the sand and see that while she may be a sweetheart to everyone else, she is NOT a sweetheart to me (or mine) We'll see. Until then I search her room regularly.
it amazes how these assholes
it amazes how these assholes somehow convince themselves that the owner of said stolen objects are in the wrong for taking what is rightfully theirs back. it also amazes me how they get SO pissed about their stuff being gone thru, but think it's ok to go thru other people's things. how do they not put 2 and 2 together? they don't even have the sense to realize that their things would not have been gone thru if they hadn't helped themselves to someone else's stuff and stolen it.