SD9 getting highlights
I have that angry pit in my stomach and shaky feeling right now and need to vent. Just got off the phone with DH. As we speak, he is with SD9 at a hair salon where she is getting highlights. She's 9. I said "you're kidding?!". He said "no". "She wanted something different".
There is no WAY IN HELL a child of mine would get highlights, lowlights whatever!!!
I totally think this is a bad idea. This kid ALREADY is into her looks, clothes...on and on.
So, I calmly said "I have to go, have a good day today".
When I really wanted to say "are you effing kidding me!!!"
This is a PERFECT example of the frustrations I feel when he does something so guiltparenty. BUT...she's not my kid, not my problem, right.
- TheBrightSide's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
highlights at 9? wow.
highlights at 9? wow. times they are a'changin'...
I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING to my hair til i was 18
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
bm dyed sd's hair when she
bm dyed sd's hair when she was 7, in hopes it would kill the lice. ever since, sd wanted her hair done again. this past summer her gma did it. i think that kids today are given the greenlight to grow up too quickly. no 11yr old of mine will ever dye her hair.
I completely agree. We
I completely agree. We think it's cute to give little kids all of the things we had to wait until we were adults to do. Manicures, pedicures, acrylic nails, makeup, dye-jobs. They grow up to fast. It encourages them to prioritize their looks over their intelligence, their strength, etc. And it gives them a sense of entitlement where they think they deserve that kind of royal treatment all the time. Then what happens when they're out of the house and on their own. Their whole world comes crashing down because all of a sudden they have to PAY the 50 bucks for the mani/pedi the 100 bucks for the dye job and reality hits.
lol deja vu? bm died sd3
lol deja vu? bm died sd3 hair when she was 2 to try and kill the lice....lol fuckin idiots.
What is wrong with them?
What is wrong with them? They make medicine for that, i beleive you can buy it at Wal Mart.
Highlights are a little
Highlights are a little much. I can understand some sun in spray in the summer, but highlights? She's only 9!!! I totally agree with you.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
oh boy...9???...I can
oh boy...9???...I can understand how u feel, Bright....I guess when she's 16 and she wants a BMW, cuz she wants something different....he will snap it up for her....I would have said..."people in hell want ice water too, but they ain't gettin it either"....
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
This site is amazing. It's
This site is amazing. It's so good to know that other people deal with my same crazyness.
My SD at the ripe old age of 9 has.......had her hair highlighted regularly, shaves her legs, has her eyebrows waxed, gets professional manicures often, wears eye makeup, only likes Bath & Body works lotion, shops at Victoria secrets, wears a bra (not needed).
I just shake my head. It makes me crazy for several reasons. Not only the obvious, that she is only 9!!! but much of those luxuries I not only can't afford now on a regular basis but had to wait until I was an adult and paid for it myself. My BD will not be growing up like this.
yikes! my sd is 11 and she
yikes! my sd is 11 and she still behaves like a small 5 year old...i guess DH should count his blessings that she isn't like these girls...yet
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
My own BD is 10 and still
My own BD is 10 and still acts very child like. And I think that's a good thing. SD is 11 now but those are things that she's been doing since she was 9. It's sad her childhood was so short.
When I was like 9 or 10, I
When I was like 9 or 10, I remember getting my hands on some "Sun-in". That's the only thing I was allowed to put my hands on. And it wasn't that bad! But I could never imagine full on dyeing my hair at that age! Nooooooo.....
I was not allowed until I
I was not allowed until I was in high school and my mother is a hair dresser. Other than a perm i got when I was 9 (70's thing) she never allowed me to mess with color and it was free and available to her.
I feel ya, sister! SD15 and
I feel ya, sister! SD15 and SD12 have been getting highlights for years. They are the most money sucking little spawns on the planet. BM will make the haircut/highlight appointments for OUR weekends so that WE end up having to pay for it. When I saw that happening, I put a stop to it. I said, if SHE wants them to have $75-90 hair appt's, let that bitch pay for them.
Completely ridiculous. Damn spoiled ass brats. :sick:
I color my own damn hair for 7.99 and when I used to get highlights I did it MYSELF!! Ugh...spoiled, entitled step-daughters.
**Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!**
I sent him an e-mail just
I sent him an e-mail just now as follows......i tried to be very..non-judgmental, because whenever I disagree with him...it ends up in a fight.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hey, I wouldn't be me, if I didn't say this to you, because there are some things I feel pretty strongly about and that is
"Girls and Self Esteem"
Ultimately, she's your child and this is your decision.
I would never, never bleach my child's hair.
I didn't dye my own hair until I was 30. In order to do highlights or low lights, her hair must be bleached first, then dyed. Its extremely damaging. Her hair is extremely fine as it is.
More importantly, I think the message this is sending to her is that its looks are what matters….. ….just because other kids are getting highlights, or just because she wants it..doesn't mean its right. She's 9 years old, but you know that.
I know you've already agreed to it. And obviously, you don't think it’s a big deal.
And I won't bring it up again. I'll take a deep breath and go along.
I love you very much. I think you're a fantastic Dad. A bit indulgent, for sure, but …wow…try not to speed up the growing up process, she'll be a teenager soon enough. Hold on to her innocence a bit longer. Don't encourage the tight clothes and the bleaching of her hair and all of those things while you have the ability to say "no" "not yet".
Anyway, I won't speak of it again, however strongly I feel about it.
I love you more than life,
My BM has been dying SDs
My BM has been dying SDs hair bright pink/blue/purple since the child was two. And this is the semi permenant that lasts a month and a half. Makes me sick.
I am thankful I have boys.
I am thankful I have boys.
I agree, 9 is too young to
I agree, 9 is too young to be doing that to her hair. Temporary color would be one thing, but permanent is another. My SDs were not allowed to do anything like that to their hair until they were, OSD was 9 or 10 and YSD was 10 or 11. And even then it was just the temporary hair color....no real harsh chemicals to damage their hair. At age 13 was the first time OSD had highlights put in her hair and YSD was 12. And my SDs lucked out b/c we don't have to pay $50+ to have it done. I went to cosmetology school and do my SDs hair myself. So it only costs us a few $.
I am so very thankful for
I am so very thankful for this site. I can take a deep breath, let go and move on. Not my kid, not my problem.....rinse and repeat.
UberSkank highlighted
UberSkank highlighted step-demon's (sd14) hair when she was 8. I couldn't believe it when she told me about the summer her hair was orange. After her natural brunette roots came back in Uber got all of her hair cut off. Now step-demon has very curly, thick hair that needs length to weigh it down. She keeps telling me she'll never get it short again.
Uber has been letting her dye it nearly black and occasionally red. This kid has beautiful natural brunette hair with red gold highlights. I don't know why Uber allows her to dye such pretty hair.
Wait....I know why. The same reason she allows step-demon to wear heavy makeup and eat crap so she gains weight. Because she hates the fact her daughter is a million times prettier than she is and does everything she can to wreck this kids natural good looks.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
Strange that they would do
Strange that they would do it. BM took SD in to find out about a perm and coloring and they told her SD needs to wait till she is 12 yrs before they would do it.
I agree 9 is way to early. I hope her hair doesn't fall out!
That seems very unhealthy to
That seems very unhealthy to me, especially in a self-image way. Does she not consider her hair is designed by God to be the color it is? I did not color my hair til I was 36 years old. I would say SD will be old enough to do that, when she can pay for it herself.
_________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers
dang it - double
dang it - double post
___________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers
This happened yesterday and
This happened yesterday and its ironic you should post that Crayon.
Yesterday, DH e-mailed me back saying something to the effect that, it was "low, low, low" lights and I allowed it to get it out of her system.
I responded back with:
"...its a slippery slope....saying yes to this....then what's next..she's growing up too fast, too much influence from (11 y/o friend). I see her wearing tight clothes, now dyed hair, a boyfriend....next thing you know she's 10 and kissing boys...13 and having sex...she already thinks of herself as a teenager most of the time.....
its hard to watch.
again, its your decision, but i would have said "no".
I know you love her and I know that you don't want to be the one to say no to her and disappoint her, but please don't fail her by being indulgent with stuff like this.
its not the fact that they are "low, low, low lights".....its the fact that you've agreed to chemically alter her hair at 9 years old to be more outwardly "appealing". she's too young.
sorry, i'm getting preachy. i know your intentions are good and loving.
it just makes me sad.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He must have taken offence to my last e-mail, because...we did not speak at all last night (and I slept in the spare room).
This is the nature of our relationship. I have to go along to get along. Its exhausting.
It is sad. You are right and
It is sad. You are right and he knows it. My SD10 is the same way--she wants to dye her hair, have a cell ohne, ipod touch, she is already asking how much money she can expect for a car....we tell her no, no, no. Thankfully BM tells her the same.
SD10 asked for a padded push
SD10 asked for a padded push up bra!! OMG no! She said "huh that is what my BM said" At least we agree!
Hey DPW. [I think about you
Hey DPW. [I think about you and how you are (My fellow Canuck). I hope you are well and strong, and head held high on your new path.]
My DH is the classic "Guilt Parent" Dad. I actually thought he was getting better. When I came home last night, SD9 says..."I got highlights, do you like them?" I said, "I thought your hair was beautiful before". "You don't like them?", she says. I say, "I didn't say that". Then she became distracted by her image in a mirror and forgot we were having a conversation.
DH does a lot of guilt parent type things. I.E. He used to sleep with her if she woke up in the night. He still allows her to sleep with him when I'm away from home. He still takes over an hour to "put her to bed". He'll even read to her while she's taking a bath. He entertains her at her whim, which is about 90% of the time she's at our house. I basically, lose him every other week. He doesn't punish her for anything really, and if he does, he's quick to "talk to her", because heaven forbid, she should be upset with him. Every other week, its me who lives with "them".
For me, its not BM that's the thorn in my side (although, she does have her moments), its the way DH guilt parents, and the process that I've gone through to not let that stuff get to me. I'm getting somewhat used to it. Maybe I'll never fully get used to it. Who knows. It is times like this, when we don't speak (we cannot communicate) that I really, really regret getting involved with him.
Stop the presses. My DH
Stop the presses. My DH called and left me a message at work. He apologized. He said, I am wrong, you are right, you are entitled to your opinion, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you last night.
I called him back, left him a message, acknowledging the call..etc.
I'm so very shocked. Progress. Progress. This from a man "who is never wrong". Progress.