It seems and this is just thru observation (and a bit of experience) that the Men in our lives and for some of us the “Women” in our lives have “Guilty Parent Syndrome”…where they become overly attentive of their childrens wants/needs and indulge them with money/gifts to compensate the fact that their children are in their lives (part-time) and/or that their relationship with their mother or father ended.
Having SD down for almost 2 weeks has led me to an epiphany: Why is it the responsibility of the non custodial parent to be the source of ALL Financing when it comes to his/her children? This came about after SD told me (not intentionally) that if her Grand Parents (who are wealthy) didn’t help them out (primarily her mother) that they would be “so screwed”.

These custodial/primary residency parents knew that having a child does change finances drastically. The BM in my case, was in her mid-30s when she met SO and had kids, she didn’t have a career during this time, no job, she did nothing for herself to improve her quality of life pre and post her divorce. SO should NOT feel financially guilty that he left(perhaps a bit emotionally in the beginning) and it is not his responsibility to motivate his ex wife to work…she should have known that when she wanted kids with him and had no money(besides her parents), that you cannot guarantee that you will stay married. She should have been independent beforehand, not self-serving and greedy.

Last night on the phone, SD was talking to BM and BM asked her something, (again it has nothing to do with the well being of SD) but I heard SD respond to a question and she said, “I cant ask them they don’t have a lot of money.”
I am a BM too, I knew that if I had unprotected sex I could get pregnant(and did) I was a Single M pretty much from the get go, I continued University(still am) and I have a job, not the best job but it pays the bills. I do not rely on my ex to take care of me and our child, I absorb the costs and never ask for anything more than the $297/month I get. So why do some of our partners feels guilty for leaving and do so by buying things, or giving into the BM? It is not his responsibility to improve BMs life, his children yes, but not by giving BM extras….Luckily my SO has realized this after his daughters issues became public… and is generally weary of his ex.

Sorry if this is pointless-but to me it makes A LOT of sense…get rid of the guilt and live!