Our house has been quiet lately.

BM has not called very much or when she does it is quiet.

I know her enough by now that it's the calm before the storm. I used to fear this "calm" but now I enjoy it as much as I can.

She generally picks fights with DH around the 7th of the month (probably hormones!).

More importantly, she has been caught up with her youngest child so she has pushed skids to the side emotionally. She told DH in a text that she was "too busy to talk to SS11 and didn't feel she could DEAL with SS9." What is there for her to deal with?

I suppose it is understandable because she lives with her child and not with SS9 and SS11 as they are with us all year.

The other thing that is on my mind is SS9. He went to his therapist today. He has ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder due to the neglect from BM until he was 18 months (then MIL picked them up which is a little better but MIL is about as emotional as the printer hooked up to this computer).

At the therapist, he learns how to express feelings - he used to just grunt or snort like a ferrel child - and how to control his emotions when he has tantrums (something so violent we couldn't do it on our own ... head banging, punching, wetting pants). He is a completely different child compared to this time last year. It is hard to believe he was the same person and I am grateful to the therapist.

Anyway, today SS9 told the therapist he doesn't understand why his mom hates him. DH and I do not talk about his mother unless it is related to them seeing her but otherwise, no opinions. All our conversations about her happen in our bedroom. So how does he know this?

Because she puts him separate to the other kids when he visits, because she tells him "you should have been born as my daughter but god made a mistake", because she dotes on the other kids and not him, because she forced him to write with his left hand and he is naturally right handed but now he cries if he writes with his right hand (we just let that one go, she screwed him up pretty bad on that one), and there's more but I am getting angry as I type.

I don't know what to do to help him heal. I don't know how to let him know that while I am not his real mom I love him no matter what. I tell him but it isn't enough I guess. It goes back to that primal instinct crap.

Don't tell me to just love him. I do that already. I need to know how to HELP him HEAL. How to not necessarily fix him but to make him understand or to help him grow emotionally healthy.