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Getting a grip

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 4:52pm

Im sitting in my driveway crying. I don't want to go inside my own home because I know my SD is in there and I just want to be alone. Im 37 weeks pregnant today and my DH just told me he is working late tonight and oh by the way we are having all 3 SD's this weekend instead of next weekend because their grandparents asked us to. The same grandparents he decided unilaterally we are giving half the CS money that we are no longer paying the Lunatic.

Now I have to somehow pull myself together, make dinner and help this kid who i didnt give birth to with her homework, when all I want to do is lay down and cry myself to sleep. I've reached my breaking point. The stress of having my first baby, my uncompromising job who keeps asking me if I will be doing any work during my maternity leave, taking in my husband's children. It's all becoming too much and I feel like I am buckling underneath it all.

End whine.

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 4:55pm

I am so sorry. I know how work, being pregnant and the demands of a husband and the baggage can really take a toll on people. I was there. I don't wish that upon anybody. I have to say that you MUST make time for yourself. Go get yourself a mom/maternity massage at least once a week, etc...make sure that you take time for you and just disconnect...you need it, you deserve it and so does your new baby.

FeuilleMorte's picture

Submitted by FeuilleMorte on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 4:57pm

It's not whining. I agree with herewegoagain, you need some time to yourself or you'll be no good to anyone. Screw dinner, let DH get a pizza or something. And hold on! You're under enormous stress, it's only natural to break down every now and then.

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 5:14pm

She's 11. And she is really an easy kid. But when you are used to being alone and didn't raise this person since infancy it just feels like I have a constant guest in my home that I have to put a happy face on for. Unfortunately he is working until late in the evening and so him feeding anyone is out of the question. When I told him I was overwhelmed he merely said to just make cereal for dinner. I hate just being expected to be the one who picks up the slack. I hate that his ex is such a trainwreck that we are at the mercy of her parents and whether they feel like taking care of the kids during her weekends or not. Since SD11 is living with us we will have no alone time with baby until the summer. The closer it gets to my due date the more resentful I am becoming and I'm not sure I like this bitter person.

inwayovermyhead's picture

Submitted by inwayovermyhead on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 5:31pm

Although I am not married to my BF or pregnant, I can definitely relate to the feelings of bitterness and resentment towards the BM. The BM in my life is also a trainwreck.. doesn't work, relies on her parents to support her, and nevertheless, still refuses to take the kids more than 50% of the time. Sometimes I think that we, as women, were not made to be in a relationship with someone who has already been married with kids. It's not fair to us doing it for the first time, but yet having all of the extra pressure and drama of a BM and Skids. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am hopeful that you SD will end up being a help to you with the baby?? My fingers are crossed for you. Until then, try to take some time for yourself and keep your chin up!

Doubletakex3's picture

Submitted by Doubletakex3 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 6:01pm

I'm so sorry you are overwhelmed ... Don't beat yourself up over it. Let go of the expectations. Eleven is old enough for SD to be capable of feeding herself. And, if I recall her background with the train wreck, my bet is that she has done it many times. Be honest with SD that you're tired, stressed and overwhelmed. I've done that with my SD before and she actually put on a little apron, grabbed a notebook and pretended to be a waitress to take my dinner order. She made me a yummy egg sandwich, put a movie on...told me to take a bath and we just 'chilled' all evening.

Cut yourself a break and my bet is that she will too.

Hugs

NotsosuperSM's picture

Submitted by NotsosuperSM on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 6:18pm

Sitting in driveway crying and not wanting to go inside is all too fimular, SM of 3 girls I understand. I find the only thing that helps is getting out of car and walking. Even for ten mintues to collect yourself and know you have strength to make it through another day.

FeuilleMorte's picture

Submitted by FeuilleMorte on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 6:26pm

Oh, dear...should we tell newwife that it's not Friday, or should we let her be happy a little while longer? Smile

DASKRA's picture

Submitted by DASKRA on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 8:23pm

Pray... Ask God to give you the strength to get through the day. Then tell your DH that you need a break. Tell him he needs to figure something out because you need time. Make sure he knows that being pregnate wears on a person. Your body is being sucked dry of all the energy to help HIS child grow. He needs to step up. Sit down with your Skids and make sure they know that you are going through a tough time and need them to step up and help as well. They are old enough to make food. Who says you have to have a full course meal at dinner every night. How about cereal or toast or ramin noodles. Get creative. Order in if you have to. Figure out what things you can let slide and what things you must get done for the next day. Have your Skids start on their homework and take a hot bath. Tell them when you get out you will sit down and answer questions if you are able. I hope by then your DH is home and he can help out. Men just don't understand how much us women do for them. Start making lists for eveyone to do. Divide up household chores. Make things easier by using paper or plastic products. I will pray for your strength to get through these last weeks of your pregnancy and for a healthy baby.

SoLost1988's picture

Submitted by SoLost1988 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:04pm

I know how you feel. I am 33 weeks pregnant with my first. I have been trying to for alone time for MONTHS!! Even alone time with my husband is out of the question. My 13 yr. old SS will not have it. He has to tag along everywhere we go. My SD who we only have every other weekend is now being thrown at our door almost every weekend and this will be the SECOND summer we will have her again because her sneaky secret crazy mom knows my baby is due this summer and will NOT allow us to spend time with the baby alone as she knows her daughter will smother my husband for attention like always and her mom seems to enjoy this. I am so glad I found this site so I can vent,you have no idea how many times I sat alone crying my eyes out and asking "Why?" *sigh.