Yeah I sometimes felt like a doormat especially in the beginning 

When I first met dude I helped him take care of his kids while he worked (every now and then I didn't mind but he started pressing the limits and making it a monthly then weekly request)

I also gave his daughter coats, clothes, bedding, toys

I helped furnish their rooms 

I bought them luggage and invited them on a trip to a luxury hotel where they did not have to pay  

until one day their breeder said she didn't want me around them and threw away gifts i purchased that they took back to her house.  

Those kids were not grateful and complained and secretly acted like hell on wheels to get me to leave so their parents could reunite  and they'd have dude and rhis house all to themselves without me there to hold them accountable 

The dude didn't really appreciate my efforts so I dialed it way back. 

Yeah I get it. I have never actually spoke to our BM. But she's a piece of work, cps took her kids away. I spent years raising her kid without her around, paying for his clothes, school supplies, furniture, toys, food, therapy because of the insane things she did to ss etc.... Then when he decided he wanted to go live without rules or accountability back at bms, he skipped out and left a filthy room behind. I spent weeks cleaning it out and hauling out to the trash all those very things I had spent so much buying him for years. I could only handle working on it for a little while at a time because there were so many things I found that just revealed how much he had lied to me. It was insult to injury and is probably the most used I ever felt. That one cut deep. I really did try the whole time to give him my best, but it just wasn't enough in the end- there was too much damage already. I wish it had turned out different but at least I can look back and feel good about taking the high road. It sucked but I stayed true to who I wanted to be in the situation instead of who I felt like being at least.

biological function and no more special for the female breeder than it is for the side of the breeding model that provides a squirt of swimmers.  Certainly the pregnancy and delivery are hugely more involved. than the fertilizing depisit.  But once the biological steps are done, that is where respect  for a parent as a parent is either earned, or not.

BM has not earned your respect. She has done nothing worthy of it.

You and DH provide an example of a quality marriage, quality home, quality family, and quality parents.

Let BM wallow in her the shit puddle she has created. 

And... no more gifts for BM, except for a parenting guide for shit parents.

IMHO of course.

Door mat is not a space I visit.  DW and I are equity life partners, I raised my SS-31 as my own.  I'm his dad.  I love him beyond measure.  His mom and I married the week before he turned 2yo.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen. The toxic shallow and polluted end of SS's gene pool we kept in their place and raised SS with the facts to counter their lies, maniplations, and PASing crap.

I recommend that you and your DH keep the SKid seasoned with the facts and the truth.  Kids need the facts to protect themselves from the toxic side of their blended family when they are cursed to have one.  The truth becomes even more critical as the Skids progress to adulthood. Toxic people do not stop their manipulations when a kid turns 18.  Protect your SD with the facts.

As for clothes going to the SpermClan, we never sent a stitch other than what we sent for SS to wear during SpermLand visitation.  Though they certainly stole quite a bit of the quality clothing we provided for SS. It would show up in SpermClan family photos and on SS's three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs in their school pics.  So, we started billing for the stolen clothing. They did not like that too much. Particularly when they would claim that their pittance of CS was paying for SS's quality clothing, our nice home, great school disctrict, cars, vacations. That $110/mo allowed us to live like royalty in the delusional empty spaces of SpermClan craniums.

Care for yourself, and  your family, including SD. Do not give a flying rat's ass about BM. She has not earned it.

Why you want any  relationship with your SO EX.  I would not be buying her a gift.  DH SK is in the gift department.  I don't understand why, your DH is spending any time with his ex. The one he slep with.  Everything should be done by text.

BM is the last person I would want in my life.  I understand other people think differently 

after the divorce.  So this was never the family dog.  The dog was picked out and paid for by North when SD was like 12.  Sd is in final semester of college and lives with North.  She has no money.  Dog is really sick with kidney failure.  SD called and asked for money for vet bill and said North won't pay the bill.  So i try and not think about it as doing any favor to North.  I try to think about it as an act of kindness to the dog and to SD.  Although in the back of the my mind, I'm thinking I just paid the vet bill for North Korea who has a successful business.