SD13 and SS11 are also very violent. Every time they come for a visit, one of the younger DD's get hurt. DD13 hides in her room because she can't stand SS11 especially.

DW's excuse range from "that never happened" to "he was just playing (after a concussion)" and "They've been through a traaaaaauuuuummaa"
And of course, my kids are wimps because they were taught from an early age to use their words and not hit.

The trauma in question is her split from EX three years ago. In that case, shouldn't everyone be able to just punch whoever? Sure would be nice.

SD13 also likes to make threats such as slitting throats, ripping out vocal cords, etc.

These violent behaviors are caused by things such as DD8 sitting in a chair that SS11 wanted. There were plenty of other places to sit or DD12 reminiscing a visit with her bio dad from two years ago.

We have had PLENTY of arguments over the violence. The last argument, after she denied anything ever happened, I called each DD in the room one by one and asked them if they had been hit in the last few days and by whom. Let's just say DW had nothing to say after she was proven wrong.

But of course, nothing has been done and she isn't shy at all about punishing DDs if rooms aren't clean enough, homework not done at a specific time, while skids do no homework and suddenly fall I'll if told to clean up after themselves.

I presented her with a list of options yesterday.

1. Stop the double standards
2. Either lay off DDs or handle skids...evenly
3. Divorce
4. I call law enforcement after every violent act or threat...eventually something will get done (or are they too young)
5. She or I get a hotel room for the duration of the visits to separate kids
6. I teach DDs to fight back, no repercussions and DARE her to say anything if one gets hurt (don't particularly like that one)

She chose the hotel room.