DH has asked BM many times for months if she had plans to have SS8 over the summer (she lives across the country, moved even further away than she was before 2 weeks ago). BM claimed she wasn't sure if she would have him because she was moving, then it was because they were renovating a part of the house and it wouldn't be "fun" for him, and then she blamed the cost of travel of the trial MIL initiated on DH if BM had to appear in our state.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, BM miraculously decides she wants SS8 over the summer now that her mother can transport SS8 there and back. We planned a family vacation that is paid for at the end of July because of how many times she told us she had no plans to have SS over. BM then complained that July is HER time that we are utilizing for our family vacation when she told DH for months she wouldn't take SS. BM doesn't even have scheduled time, she has reasonable visitation. BM also stated she needed SS until September 7th, which is the week after his school starts, because that's when her mother could drive him home. DH told her that is not reasonable and wants SS back a week prior to school to get him acclimated back to our schedule as he has struggled with this transition in the past. BM complained again, claiming that 3-4 weeks isn't enough time for her. It's not our fault she is unable to plan accordingly and relies on her mother to drive SS there. Our schedule/life does not revolve around what she deems as convenient at a moments notice. 

2 summers ago she didn't plan to have SS at all but her mother "surprised" her with a 1 week visit with SS because she had a new baby. I also had a newborn months prior to that so still confused with her reasoning with that. When she was reminded of her visitation rights (July isn't technically her time unless mutually agreed upon) she threatened to go back to court because communication is in her eyes "garbage" with DH. DH tells her everything that is required per the custody agreement (which is frankly not much) and probably communicates more than he has to. 

I am all for SS going to BMs for the entire summer because I end up staying home with him as a SAHM. He is a lot with his ADHD. Believe me it would help me out taking that off my plate, but at some point how many times do we have to rearrange our plans to accommodate her wishy washy mindset. BM seeing her son seems like a convenience to her vs a parental obligation. 

Anyway, are we crazy to justify our decision to go ahead with our family vacation with SS8? Does that sound reasonable or are we being as unfair as she claims? It feels like she threatened to bring DH back to court as a scare tactic to get him to do what she wanted. She didn't bother to have a lawyer when the original custody agreement was made and agreed to whatever DH wanted. We're already dealing with MIL in court we don't need more court cases right now. Should we have agreed to send SS8 at BMs request despite everything and go on our vacation without him? Damned if we do, damned if we don't. IF we went without him I can imagine the crap others would put out there, how horrible we are. My bio children and I have a life to live too!