Biomom found Unconscious..and other stuff... Grounds for Custody?

So today SS11's biomom didn't show up for work, some coworkers called SS22 (her older son) to see if anyone has heard from her. No one has, so SS22 called Granny (biomom's mom) to go check on her, and apparently she was unconscious in her room due to diabetes issues and my SS11 lives in the house but he never noticed she was unconscious or that he needed to call 911. SS11 wasn't woken up by mom for school, so he just stayed in his room (or living room, dont' know entire story) playing games and never left his room (or went into his mom's room); that SS11 didn't have the common sense to think "shouldn't I go to school today? Or shouldn't I go see why mom hasn't woke me up yet?". So my question is: Can DH get custody of SS11 due to this?? And this is not the first time this is happened. SS11 has called his Granny a couple of times cause his mom was "out of it" due to diabetes issues. So does this give DH cause to file an emergency injunction to get temporary custody??

(She is fine now and at her mom's house. SS11 staying at a friends so he can get to school tomorrow. And Not that I'd want him living here, but I'd rather SS11 be here, and not have SS11 living there to where he may find his mom dead on the floor. And from what I hear, she never ever really takes care of herself correctly when it comes to her diabetes.)

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Addiction is a health issue

Addiction is a health issue too, and when the problem behaviours around addiction affect the safety of minors, no one has a problem saying the minor needs to be removed.

And an 11 yo in the care of an unconscious parent is a safety issue.

Accidents happen, if this was a one-time thing, that's something else. But if there's a pattern of poor self-care leading to loss of consciousness of the only caretaker around, that's something that affects whether a child is receiving adequate care.

Yes, agree.

I agree, it sounds like BM

I agree, it sounds like BM doesn't have her diabetes under control, and until it is... this child's safety should come first.

Unfortunately, not all

Unfortunately, not all diabetics are symptomatic.

I hear you. Another

I hear you. Another possiblity is that she doesn't get symptoms until her sugar is so low that cognition is affected.

Don't you remember Steel Magnolias?!

I was a medication induced

I was a medication induced diabetic and we discovered while I was in the hospital that I don't have symptoms of hypoglycemia until my sugars are under 75. Once it was 66 and Gulcagon was my friend. I was lucky and my medications are no longer causing full blown insulin dependent diabetes but the doctors were concerned for my long term safety and everyone in the family knew where the glucose was including the four year old if I started acting odd and I had lots of extra testing daily. It sucks, my husband had to wake me up every morning before he went to work for me to test because if my blood sugar was too low I couldn't do it myself. It was interesting enough that I had to see a doctor that specializes in diabetes management and even they were going WTF because I was doing everything right.

I was a medication induced

LF and tommar having

LF and tommar having "different opinions" might be an understatement

s'aight, i still love ya's!

LOLOL! Sorry, it's just that

LOLOL! Sorry, it's just that I've been thinking the same thing.

Oh come on... aren't you used

Oh come on... aren't you used to the double standard by now?

Right. So what is wrong with

Right. So what is wrong with this kid and whose fault is it? Mom? Dad? SM? Everyone? Whose responsible for making sure he learns what he should do?

He is very very book smart,

He is very very book smart, but not common-sense smart at all. He's 11 age-wise but in common sense or street smarts, he's about 7 or 8 years old cause she does shelter him sooo much. She does everything for him so he doesn't know how to do anything. Sad.

I always wake up before my BS

I always wake up before my BS on the weekends. Sometimes I just lay in my room and drink coffee and read or watch the news. My BS never comes and checks on me. I hear him up. I think he just likes being "alone" and having some "independence".

Sounds like a parenting

Sounds like a parenting problem- both mom and dad's fault that they raised a kid who would think this is okay.

PEPSI? WTH woman, this is

PEPSI? WTH woman, this is not the north!

kumbaya, ladies - can't we all just get along???

I agree Tommar... my 6 year

I agree Tommar... my 6 year old will hug me and warm up heating bags for me and fetch me ice packs etc when I have a banging headache. To it seems a natural thing for a child to do for their parent. I would have done the same for my mom.

I have a real problem with the fact that an ELEVEN year old didn't question why his mother wasn't getting him up for school, why she wasn't up, didn't even bother to peek in and make sure all was OK ... just sat around playing video games? That is some serious lack of emotion right there... like stories you'd hear about a serial killer. YKWIM?

I know poster says this has happened before.. but like on a weekly basis or once every couple of years or what?

Exactly what's happening

Exactly what's happening here. He doesn't even go to the bathroom or eat until we interrupt him and ask him if he's gone to restroom yet, or eaten, etc. Such a shame he's in this little world of his own.

Seems like it happens every

Seems like it happens every 3-6 months. And yes, I agree; I believe SS11 needs to see a counselor or something. Not necessarily needing medication, just some wherewithal to know/do things on his own, be present in reality (not all video games). IMO I believe he has Aspberger's or something similar. When he was a small baby, almost toddler, he did have a growth/tumor pushing on his brain, causing major neurological problems - they had surgery, he had to learn to talk/walk again, took maybe about a6 months if I remember correctly to get back to "normal". He's never had or needed physical therapy, or doctor visits, or anything since that. He's very smart in school, makes all A's, but something is lacking in his common-sense department. He's in 5th grade, was kept behind 1 year due to surgery, but he's a smart kid in school. And unfortunately his babysitter and friends are all video grames. Scares me too that he's lacking in common-sense or "snap", but I cannot make Biomom or DH take him to a counselor or doctor, or whatever. I do feel bad for him cause no one else can see there is something not quite right about him.

Back when I was dying, the

Back when I was dying, the three and five year olds knew how to call 911, wait outside together and show the EMTs how the oxygen concentrator worked, point out the medicine list and doctor contact info on the fridge, and show them where the travel oxygen cylinders, tubing and regulators were. If the concentrator alarm went off they knew how to turn it on and off and how to hook me up to the emergency tank. They never actually had to do any of this because my husband was home but we practiced regularly and they knew how if it hit the fan.

Much better now. I'm alive

Much better now. I'm alive because someone signed an organ donor card.

I've told him her diabetes

I've told him her diabetes isn't a reason to get custody. But this is not the first time, this one was super scary since he had no clue anything was going on. But it's also not the first time she's been unconscious, or out of it it either. Once when the older son SS22 (then 13 or so) was living there, he got all loopy, he was trying to help his mom, and she tried sticking him with the needle.

I don't feel SS11 is mentally capable of helping out. But our biggest fear is him there, this happening again, and she dies. We are more concerned about him finding his mom dead. I feel bad for him. I wouldn't have a clue what I'd do at my age if I found my mom dead, much less at age 11. That's gotta for sure mess a kid up. Especially if he thinks he could have done something beforehand and thinks it's his fault all his life his mom died. If that makes sense.

I don't feel any medical issues are reasons for taking a kid from their mom, but in this case, I'm scared for SS11.

Maybe after this, they will

Maybe after this, they will teach him more of what he needs to know.

Agreed! Neither DH nor I

Agreed! Neither DH nor I have any type of serious medical condition... but I can be a "what if" panicker and have thought about things like what if DH or I fell down the stairs, what if I got kicked in the head by a horse, what if DH or I passed out for some unknown reason etc? I taught BS6 how to call 911, I added a picture of my mom and DH on the front page of my phone that is linked to their phone numbers, so all he would have to do is touch on their picture and press the phone icon to call them. I made DH put my picture on his phone. That way if either of us is home alone with BS6 and something should happen, he'd know what to do.

I think rather than trying to take custody, your DH should have a talk with SS about responsibility and safety.

Your BM is a special type of

Your BM is a special type of stupid.

Me and DH do feel sometimes

Me and DH do feel sometimes she doesn't take care of herself cause she wants "attention", but this is ridiculous. We've seen posts where she's eating a piece of cake and mountain dew for breakfast. Or we've seen her post where she hasn't eaten in days. So to me, if you've had diabetes forever, and you have a kid relying on you, I feel you know you need to take care of yourself. You can feel episodes coming on. You know if you haven't eaten, bad things will happen You. know if you've not taking your insulin, bad things will happen. Who knows, maybe she does want to die? No clue.

That's asinine. Health of the

That's asinine. Health of the parent should absolutely be taken into consideration.

If I had a highly manageable

If I had a highly manageable condition, I would be sure as shit to manage it so I didn't become a burden to my child.

This^^^

Very irresponsible of BM and it sounds like both her and her son need some life instruction. He should have known better than to just stay in his room, playing games; that's really strange.

Sounds like BM needs to teach

Sounds like BM needs to teach SS what to do if she does fall ill not have her kid taken away from her.

Agree, help but not be

Agree, help but not be responsible for her health.

My sister is Type 1. She's

My sister is Type 1. She's only had it for a couple of years. Her pancreas stopped working and now she has diabetes.

It's been A LOT for her to learn her highs and lows and how to adjust. She does have a insulin pump now.

She used to be fine eating bread and pasta but she can't even do that anymore. So diabetes isn't a one stop shop... it does change over time. And every time it changes she goes through a learning curve of adjusting insulin and what she eats.

She has basically told all of us how to spot highs/lows and if she starts acting strange and what to look for and do. I think that the BM here should really do that for SS. It would be good to have a second set of eyes to look for these things because BM may not always realize she is so sick.

Sooooo...what happens if she

Sooooo...what happens if she passes out at the wheel with the child in the car?
i agree with OP. If there have been several circumstances where she is UNABLE to care due to passing out the child then she shouldn't have custody of the child until it's been stabilized.

I am with the school of

I am with the school of thought that at 11 the child needs to be taught to be aware of what is going on and how to help his mom if this happens again, not take him away from her... he is not a toddler.

My son is 8 and I have MS. Currently I have had a relasp and am working through it. My asshol% ex tried to use it against me when we divorced. Incredibly rich from a man who call in " sick" around 20 times the last year we were married. I could not leave our son home alone with him on non school days because he would sleep and not take care of him. I missed 3 days of worked when I was diagnosed, I have not missed a single day since. Additionally my son is well taken care of and actually has no idea that I am having issues currently.

^I would have to say that's

^I would have to say that's about the short of it. (IMO)

We aren't purposefully

We aren't purposefully wanting to take him from her. We're just wondering at this point if it's time for DH to step-in and remove him from the situation. And we're wondering what's best for the kid if this happens again, or worse.

SS22 called DH yesterday and yelled at him because he didn't teach SS11 how to look out for his mom or that he didn't teach him things to do to help her when she gets like that. But remind you, they divorced 6 years ago, when SS was only 5. It'd be up to the mom I'd think to show/teach him this stuff. IDK. It's definitely a situation I wouldn't want to be in at that age. All scary for sure.

Unless the child is totally

Unless the child is totally helpless for some reason.. a 11 yo is old enough to not be endangered by his mom having a medical issue. Now, if he was 1 yo.. maybe a different issue if there was a real possibility that mom could be incapacitated and the baby would suffer.

I might be worried about her driving with him though.. or does she have enough warning to pull over to the side of the road?

Bottom line is the kid is old enough to be part of the solution. He needs to know what to do when mom has a problem.

Justforthis you are amazing!

Justforthis you are amazing! Talk about taking control of your life.

I also have a condition where I occasionally change up medications. I keep the old medications because sometimes I switch back. I keep them because I see no sense in buying more when I already have some on hand.

Yes in a way, both parents

Yes in a way, both parents have failed SS11. I don't like to compare my BS15 to SS11, but it is all in the parenting. I was a single parent before I met DH, and growing up, I taught and had my BS getting up on his own with an alarm clock, getting himself dressed and fed from age 6. We had to be a team, I had to get ready for work and didn't have time to get him ready too - he had to start doing things for himself so that I could get him to daycare, and then me to work on time. He still does it to this day, gets himself up, dressed, fed, and out of the house to school. The Biomom of SS11 doesn't let him have or teach him independency. And when he's here, DH doesn't really teach him much either. He wants him to have fun here, which I get, but in the long run, this is why SS11 doesn't know to do anything. Oh well, I've tried to mother him like I did my son, but to no avail.

I don't want custody. I've

I don't want custody. I've told DH this. I don't want to raise another kid, I've already done that. But at the same time, I want to do what's best for SS11 too (I'm not a super horrible person), there are sooo many other things and reasons why DH wants custody, not just this; Although this is what sent him over the top and wanting to step up custody procedures. I'm afraid DH getting custody and SS11 living his is gonna break up the marriage. But I do know in my heart of hearts SS11 would have a better chance here as in getting help re his obesity, getting him to a counselor re other things, bettering his social skills, getting him on a routine/schedule, reducing his video gaming, him having friends, getting him involved in school activities, etc. Also keeping me positive is that I'm hoping to get a job offer soon, which will help me concentrate on other things and save money too just in case things don't work out. And me working will force DH to have to be a parent...I think.

SS11 is here this weekend for DH's visitation, and biomom is still at her mom's house and hasn't been back home or to work since Wednesday. Hopefully this big scare will change a few things for her and for SS11 at her home, teaching him what to do if this happens again, getting him on a schedule and trying to get him to be more aware (like if his mom doesn't wake him up), etc.

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Biomom found Unconscious..and other stuff... Grounds for Custody?

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