Not sure I can stay with him because of his daughter
Been with a wonderful man for almost 2 yrs. We get along great. The problem is his daughter. She is 8 and so immature and spoiled... She won't pick up her toys, won't sweep the floor, won't help with anything. Runs thru the house jumps on furniture puts her feet all over the walls ... She also has some kind of mental thing as she acts weird. I've woke up to her crawling on floor by foot of bed just staring at me. This is before 7am... It's completely creepy the way she's looking at me. And how quiet she can be when sneaking. She wasn't trying to get anything or etc... She was watching me that's it. Also one morning she tried getting in bedroom, we lock our bedroom door so she doesn't catch us making love or getting dressed etc, anyways she turned knob n realized it was locked. She knows all she has to do is knock, she did not knock. I kept hearing a noise n saw the wood blind sticking way out. Sure enough she went outside, put a chair to the window and climbed thru the window!!! She was crouched down very quietly closing the window!!!! I couldn't believe this. Then later as I'm getting dressed she's looking under the door saying she can see something and putting fingers under door and tossing little beads under door. Of which she was NOT disciplined for any of this. She will tell adults what to do, if you are sitting she will tell you to move because she wants to sit there. She will stare you down with what I think is a evil glare. She loves me and asks me to stay forever... But something is seriously wrong. My children are grown so I am a mother. I also have a grand baby. I know this child has serious issues. She is fascinated with death... Has even asked me what I would do if I were stabbed. These conversations come from nowhere. She doesn't watch reg tv as she has no interest. Only sponge bob. Her dvds. Her eyes are normally extremely dilated with only a sliver of color on outside. She constantly sneaks out of bed or during the day and just watches you. All she cares about is cats and numbers. That and she doesn't want to grow up she wants to stay a baby. She goes to school, does homework, plays in hot tub, eats, takes a bath and watches sponge bob and goes to sleep. She refuses chores or helping ... I got my boyfriend to take her to psychiatrist but no diagnosis yet. I'm sure they'll say autism but I believe it's more schizophrenic.. Along with being spoiled and immature. Trust me she knows because she will just be awful and when her daddy can't take it, she'll literally say, ok daddy I'll be good.... And she stops!!! So she knows. My thing is I don't want to live with her because she scares me sometimes with her looks, her topics, and how her voice changes. I've literally seen her walk forward and her head flip allllll the way bk where I saw her ENTIRE face including chin... That is NOT physically possible. Her dad saw it too n said yes that's freaky but she probably has double jointed neck. Noooo that's not possible. I taught gymnastics what she did is impossible. She's not done it since either. I wonder if she's influenced by a spirit maybe. Sounds crazy I know, but watching her is creepy. Most people are creeped out by her eyes and strange behavior. She has beautiful blue eyes and she's a beautiful girl... But her glares n her actions are creepy. he wants to get married and until I know diagnosis and until he stops spoiling her and gives her chores and teaches her accountability and respect... I can't do it.
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Hearing voices can be a part
Hearing voices can be a part of schizophrenia, but, people can be schizophrenic without hearing voices, just saying.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
It does seem funny I know.
It does seem funny I know. Sometimes I'm blown away by all this, but it just seems so crazy .... Yes my family and friends have bn blunt and have said that kid is possessed n they are serious. Well, idk what to think... Isn't that crazy??? How can she be possessed??? Wldnt that just be crazy??? Yes that house makes noises and people have been touched etc and I've woken up with bruises and I've left after hearing noises bc too scared to stay alone. No, I no longer live there. As a matter of fact I won't go bk to live with him in that house, he claims he will sell it. Heres the stupid part, I can't believe I'm experiencing any of this....how can I wrap my brain around any of it. It just seems unbelievable to me. When it happens I'm like omg wtf .. I'm out of here, then I think ooooo that just can't be right. Ughhhh
my ss7 does the creepy i love
my ss7 does the creepy i love you's with his head tilted to the side all the time and the creepy smile.... and i have experienced both skids crawling across my floor early in the morning as well. too bad im stuck because in hindsight i should have left long ago!!!
It is never too late.
It is never too late.
Take her to Mass at a
Take her to Mass at a Catholic Church or throw holy water on her or something. Just to see if anything happens.
I know, it sounds crazy
I know, it sounds crazy doesn't it??? Guess that's why I'm still with him altho I did move out. It just seems crazy so I guess I second guess myself. And she does say voices tell her to do bad things, she had a pet frog which she killed at age 5 and she says the voice said.. Kill the frog, kill the frog, kill the frog.... Yes she repeated it like that. Her dad thinks I over think it, so then I wonder if maybe I do... Makes me question myself. My family and friends who have met her all tell me something is wrong and if I stay it'll be rough. My 22 yr old daughter says she scares her as well. So it's difficult because how can this crap be real???? I'm 43 and nvr encountered ANYTHING like this. I've had a few ppl ask if she's possessed ... And how wld I know??? I don't even know if that exists. It just seems so unreal to me. I do care about her but I don't wanna wake up with some kid standing above me with a knife. I'm half joking. :/ she claims to see ghosts come thru her wall, and in her defense that house does make weird noises. But ghosts??? You all have to think I'm crazy saying all this... I know it seems just absolutely crazy.
That made me laugh bc I
That made me laugh bc I understand your fear and trying to rationalize the noises... Ppl hear it and they can't explain it either and some friends refused to come over anymore bc they sd they didn't want it following them home... idk if that's possible but I was hoping it wld!! Lol.... I know I won't live there anymore tho. But wonder if he sells and it goes w him to next place???
Lol!!!!! Thx for making me
Lol!!!!! Thx for making me laugh, I needed that!!
Is she still seeing a
Is she still seeing a psychiatrist?
Yes she just started. She
Yes she just started. She goes again the 17th. So far no diagnosis. Said won't diagnosis until around 3rd visit, this is her 2nd visit. They're just starting basically.
OK, that's definitely a good
OK, that's definitely a good thing. And, yea, it takes a while in order to get to the bottom of an issue. It could really be any number of things, so, I'm hoping that they can figure something out to help everyone.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for listening.
It's a tough situation to be
It's a tough situation to be in
I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Thx... It is tough. My kids
Thx... It is tough. My kids are grown and to take on a young child was a tough decision and now with all this added stuff, I just don't know. So many unanswered questions, idk if she'll ever be independent. I just don't know what to do.
I want to add, I don't blame
I want to add, I don't blame her. This isn't her fault. That's why I insisted he get her professional help. And he and his ex are responsible for spoiling her, and I've told him that. But I can't move forward until I see this addressed... Or I'll resent living that way. I have to see what psychiatrist says is going on altho my friends say that won't help if possessed ... But a long time ago people that people were possessed when it was a mental problem. I do understand why my family and friends feel that way. Her eyes are scary and she does do creepy things. Butttt cld be mental illness and just being spoiled as well.
You aren't wrong for how you
You aren't wrong for how you feel. Some people are really weird. I don't blame you at all for being creeped out. Everyone is entitled to feel safe. My SD is mental and takes meds and did crazy things to me and she does not come to my house. I cannot be around her. I will not.
I don't recommend staying in this relationship if the daughter is with him full time. It sounds next to impossible. Where's the mom? And as far as spirits and possession....its possible. You never know. But if you're uncomfortable and unhappy....its not worth it. There are other men out there.
He has her 50% of time. They
He has her 50% of time. They do the wk on wk off. His ex is different as well. We all went to high school together. I thought she was just a lil slow.. But now I know she's on meds and is just off... He says bipolar but idk ... She nvr wanted children but finally did to kp him but didn't bond really. Now after divorce he thinks his ex is doing btr and bonding more. So that's good. But she isn't concerned about daughters mental thing. She told my bf that maybe she's "just different" ... Like it's normal. my bf has agreed for me and him to go to a counselor to discuss all this. That won't happen for months tho bc he has hands full w work n his daughter etc.... But I won't go forward w out this as well. Bc I do have resentment. I always thought when my children grew up it'd b my time, now I'm with a man who has a young child with problems. I know how difficult that can be. My sister is 100% deaf and has mental issues along w it... It was hard. So I just don't know if I can sign up for all this. And I guess possessions can happen but how would you know?? Without looking crazy lol ...
Since you pointed out that BM
Since you pointed out that BM didn't really bond with SD until the divorce (how old was SD when that happened if you don't mind me asking?), it's possible that she's experiencing an attachment disorder. She definitely sounds like she's having a hard time being socially appropriate in a relationship with you, what with creeping into your room and staring at you while you sleep, telling you she never wants you to leave, etc.
Divorce was final almost a yr
Divorce was final almost a yr ago. My bf was the main caretaker even as a baby. He sd when he came home from hunting his ex wld have glassy eyes and slurred so he'd be mad and tell her to go to bed, I'm sure they argued ... But she drank watching her daughter ... So I do think all that plays into it. She is attached to me but I think it's bc I treat her like she's 8 and talk to her like a "big girl" even if she's upset she will seek me out instead of her daddy. I can't wait to find out diagnosis ... Bc I can't take this anymore. I'm beginning to resent whole situation.
Ohhh, she's a drinking mom.
Ohhh, she's a drinking mom. GUBM was the same way. SO would go work all day and come home to find GUBM working on the second half of her case of beer every night. It got so bad that he eventually bought SD a cell phone just to make sure she had a way to get in touch with him if GUBM was drunk. GUBM even went as far as driving drunk with SD and another child in her car one night. Such a waste of flesh and oxygen *smh*. And it definitely plays into it, for sure. She didn't bond with her daughter until the divorce, so her kid was already 6 or 7, and she was drunk-parenting at the same time. Eef.
I think it's pretty normal at this point to be resentful of the situation. As you said, your kids are grown and you made the decision to be with a man who has a child, but, you didn't realize all that it entailed with this particular child. Heck, you still don't even know because you're waiting on a diagnosis for what's going on with your SD. That's got to be nerve-wracking. Hopefully this time will fly by for you and you and your SO can get some answers that will lead towards helping your SD adjust.
But hopefully you don't get too down on yourself for resenting the situation you find yourself in. Because honestly, if I had known all that would be involved in my particular situation when I first met SO, I doubt I would have gone on date number two with him lol.
Lol.... That's what I'm
Lol.... That's what I'm wondering myself... Shld I kp going forward? My bf says he doesn't think she drinks that much anymore, I sd why just bc you don't see it anymore??? I think she does. She nvr even called him to find out how first psychiatrist visit went!!!! What mother wldnt call??? N personally, my butt wld have bn there too. I wish he was a every other wkend daddy n that makes me feel awful bc I know that's horrible to say and his daughter doesn't deserve me saying that. She is a child and that is her daddy, he should be her protector and hero. So I feel just horrible saying that. I just wish it wasn't so complicated but it is. Lol ... N what's worse is I actually get mad that he ever married her!!! I tell him HE was crazy to marry such a woman n if she didn't want children he shld have respected that bc now look!!! Ok now how psycho is that to feel that way ha!!!! I know it's stupid and I don't really get mad it's more irritated lol ... She doesn't interfere too much. She's passive aggressive. She is dating someone seriously, but wld text my bf, call him at work, call his cell... Even crying one day saying she lost her wedding ring and asked if he still had his... He calmed her down of course. I'm sure she was drinking. I did get upset with that call. He admitted to feeling responsible for her bc he always took care of her. I of course left a few months later. I sd it was all too much. We grew up in same town, my bf n I are classmates. But I moved away shortly after graduation. Sooo after I left I came bk to indiana, so now we're two states apart. I thought it was over, but he promised to draw line w ex, he finally took daughter to psychiatrist, he says he will sell house, and set up rules and chores etc for daughter n alllll that has to b done before I will move bk. Eyyyy yi yiiiii.... But i.did draw a hard line. I think??? Lol (I moved to b with him, and we're both mid 40s. So when I felt this was too much I left and came bk here... Thought I needed to clarify lol)
Seriously, a Catholic priest
Seriously, a Catholic priest will bless her and and the house if you ask. They won't even charge you like psychics and ghost hunters, and you don't have to be Catholic. Normally that takes care of ghosts and poltergeists, but if she needs a full blown exorcism the symptoms would come out more during a blessing or when confronted by a religious (blessed) object. I think real possession is extremely rare, but there are exorcists in the US and they have been working lately. Please don't go to a psychic, they will just take your money and pretend to do something or make things worse. The Church usually has people who are undergoing exorcism evaluated and treated by a psychiatrist and psychologist now, since a lot of times mental illness and possession overlap.
To me this seems the most prudent course of dealing with a possible possession. Low cost, discretion, reputation for handling this kind of thing. And though it isn't likely that possession happens, it is always okay to get spiritual help when a person is going through tough times.
I'm waiting to see what
I'm waiting to see what psychiatrist says. That's what I sd earlier too, alot of ppl bk in the day were thought to b possessed when in fact it was mental illness. And I have a hard time believing she's possessed altho she def has freaked me out numerous times... But it cld very well b mental illness and I think that's more likely.
yeah exorcism is definitely a
yeah exorcism is definitely a last resort type of thing, when the mental health treatment and medical treatment all fail. Even a lot of mentally ill people now want exorcism but mostly it is mental illness and substance abuse so they are turned away. Someone actually has to do something supernatural to get a real exorcism.
Like her head flipping
Like her head flipping bkwards?? Stand up, walk forward and just lean head bk allllll the way ... While walking forward. I saw chin , mouth whoooole face.... N she can't even do a cartwheel... Only thing I've "seen" that honestly idk wth that was... I had to turn away n I got the hot streak bc her face and that smile n her eyes.... Wasn't normal. But nvr did it again either.
Yeah, like that. They need
Yeah, like that. They need evidence though.
It sounds to me like she has
It sounds to me like she has some serious sociopathic behaviour issues and I'm not surprised you're uncomfortable around her. There's bratty and spoiled behaviour and then there's psychopathic behaviour, and it sounds to me like your sd's behaviour goes much further than just acting like a brat, though it won't help if she's never been disciplined and taught responsibility by her parents. If her mother has a history of mental illness it's quite possible your sd has inherited it because it can run in families. If her mother is a drinker who hasn't bonded properly with sd, the kid could have attachment disorder which is very damaging, causes extreme behaviour problems and needs professional therapy. Do you know whether her mother drank a lot during pregnancy, as that can cause permanent, lifelong damage to the child. I really hope the psychiatrist can give you the right diagnosis and start treating her, as there's something seriously wrong with her. One thing you said that sounds alarming to me is the fact that she killed her pet frog because voices told her to do it. Many criminals/killers start off killing and hurting animals in childhood, so if she doesn't get the help she needs she could grow up to be a danger to herself and other people.
If I were you, I would be thinking twice about continuing in this relationship. Your own children are grown and as much as you may love your SO, whatever is wrong with your sd is probably going to be a long term, possibly lifetime problem which is going to continue to affect your life even when she's an adult, and I think you have to think about whether you're willing to sacrifice a big part of your life with your SO to cater for this kid with what is probably going to be a serious mental disorder. I think you're right to wait for the diagnosis before deciding what to do next, because hopefully then at least you'll know what you're dealing with.
I agree so much Sasha.... The
I agree so much Sasha.... The frog thing I knew was wrong too and so did my bf. She talks to the walls, theres so much that I can't put it all down. If she will nvr be independent then I don't think I'll stay. I want to enjoy life not go thru all this. She has problems in school with outbursts my bf was called in before end of 3rd wk and they sd they've bn having problems since beginning... Isn't before end of 3rd wk still the beginning lol??? I do feel bad for her and I enjoy her sometimes. But she wears you out real quick. She can't hold a reg conversation so it consists of "how many pets do you have? What did I do when I was 3? How old will you be when you die? Did you know me as a baby? Let me tell you what I did when I was 3. ..." It goes on and on and on like that.... No topic just all over the place. According to my bf his ex didn't drink during pregnancy but did take otc sleeping pills... Which idk if that was dangerous. He didn't know if dr knew or not. I just know psychiatrist will say it's some kind of autism spectrum bc that's the diagnosis for so many kids lately like dr drew said. Then later these kids r shooting up class rooms etc he sd most won't diagnosis children with schizophrenia and he felt that was wrong ... I researched and researched and omg researched ... She does not fit autism but did fit schizophrenia... She got sick one day and asked my bf why her gma tried poisoning her.... Then when she had a sliver in foot my bf and his mom tried getting it out, she told her dad later she didn't understand why him and gma tried cutting off her foot.... Like wtf is that??? She's in 2nd grade and when done eating lifts her shirt and says see daddy I'm full. Or when she's hungry lifts shirt and says see I'm starving .. You want me to starve?? My bf actually laughs and thinks it's funny, while I'm thinking omg how immature. She doesn't listen to the radio and doesn't have any songs she knows or sings to.... Ughhh I'm talking and cld go on forever but it solves nothing... No matter what I list... It is what it is. I'm so frustrated. I'm prob gonna have to prepare myself to let go. Because I just don't want this life or this kind of responsibility.
I think part of the reason
I think part of the reason people are reluctant to diagnose kids with schizophrenia is because of how tricky it is to diagnose in children. Some of the symptoms that kids with SCZ exhibit can be mistaken for a kid just being a kid and going through a developmental period ("voices" could be something as innocuous as an imaginary friend) and because pervasive developmental disorders are similar to SCZ symptoms in kids. Often times, the symptoms aren't readily noticeable until they become more extreme in kids. Professionals are loathe to diagnose kids with it on the off chance that it may not be SCZ and may just be related to the fact that their brains are still developing and might be having a hard time doing so, especially due to the hardcore nature of the drugs that tend to be prescribed to those who have SCZ.
Sadly, the symptoms of SCZ are more noticeable once a person has hit the end of the teen years and the early 20s as that is when their cognitive abilities and thought patterns differ drastically from others in their stage of development. So that tends to be a time when people are more commonly diagnosed with SCZ. Additionally, a diagnosis of a developmental disorder is a lot less stigmatizing for anyone than a diagnosis of SCZ.
I'd say that regardless of the diagnosis, your SO should seek out a second opinion on the diagnosis just to see if two doctors can agree before starting any sort of treatment, especially if the first diagnosis is schizophrenia. Children diagnosed with SCZ tend to be prescribed second gen neuropleptic drugs as the first gen drugs have pretty nasty side effects, but, second gen drugs have difficult side effects, too. As such, only two have been approved by the FDA for treatment of SCZ in children. Also, just out of curiosity, is the psychiatrist she is currently seeing specialized in treating children and adolescents with SCZ? That's important as well because then the psychiatrist will be able to better determine whether it is SCZ or not.
Now, what I'm about to say next is not to convince you to stay with your SO if the diagnosis is schizophrenia, it's just to let you know that a diagnosis of SCZ does not mean all hope is lost for your SD. SCZ can be controlled through medication, therapy, and other measures like specialized programs. Some individuals with SCZ can live independently or relatively independently, but, it depends on the case. There is a student who attends my school and has schizophrenia. She tried living in the dorms for a little while, but, when she would get stressed out, she would stop taking her medication which was not great. So, she transitioned over into a group home facility where she has the support of medical staff who will remind her to take her medication and where she has access to doctors, counselors, and therapists when she needs it in addition to regular appointments with one of the counselors on campus at my school. While she does live in a group facility, she does live a relatively independent life as she goes to school and works.
Where I currently work, we're piloting a program for patients with SCZ that will help them to live more independently by providing them with an electronic device that reminds them to take their medication when they need to and that asks them daily questions about their moods and questions designed to identify the presence/activity of different symptoms of SCZ. The information that they enter into the device is monitored 24/7 by nursing staff so that if there are any issues, a doctor or nurse can get in touch with them and address things before it gets difficult for the patient. But, this doesn't work for all patients and some need to live with other people (family, close friends) or need to live in a facility that provides more support than a group living facility does.
If I chose to stay, I'd have
If I chose to stay, I'd have to basically agree to this kind of life. Idk if I can do that. I'm gonna wait for diagnosis etc but I think rt now I'm overwhelmed with what it all entails ... I agree diagnosing children with sch is hard, butttt if it's leaning that way then they shldnt ignore it and give a wrong diagnosis. Rt? Yes her psychiatrist was listed for children and schizophrenia... But she has already told my bf there are "so many spectrums of autism and some we are just learning" etc ... So no diagnosis yet but to me, it sounded like she was leaning towards autism. Altho she did tell my bf she wasn't ruling anything out yet. But I agree with dr drew on children are diagnosed with autism even when it's not what they have. It's the band aid diagnosis. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'd bet everything I have it's not autism. Am I sure it's schizophrenia ? No. *sigh* but I know it's something that makes me question my safety around her even knowing she likes me. I've seen cats run from her and they are crying ... What she did to make them cry idk but that cat hid and my bf had to find it and put it outside bc it kept meowing but in a crying way. This was at his sisters baby shower. Some ppl who didn't know that was my bf daughter started talking bout that lil girl who had a 5 gallon bucket who was putting cats in it. So I do know she was putting cats in that bucket, one ontop of the other and forcing them to stay ... And the ones that got out ran. But why that one cat freaked so bad idk? She's not loving when she holds animals. She forces them to b the way she wants. I just am sooooo curious what the diagnosis will be.
Yea, definitely having a
Yea, definitely having a diagnosis will be helpful in making your decision. Then you'll have more information about what life with your SO and SD might entail. But until then? It's kind of a toss up, huh? Does the psychiatrist know all that's been going on? I hope your SO has been honest with her in letting her know as much of a backstory as possible so she can apply that to her interactions with SD. I'm definitely glad to hear that the psychiatrist has a background with children that have schizophrenia. And, much like the psychiatrist said there are numerous disorders on the autism spectrum that aren't fully known or understood, there are also numerous disorders on the SCZ spectrum that aren't fully known or understood.
As for the cats, that sounds like nonsense my SD would do when she was younger (we're talking, 10 and 11 here). She would trap "her" cat in a laundry hamper and sit on it to keep the cat in one spot. For hours. I could totally picture SD doing something like you described your SD doing. And she would hold and squeeze the cat to keep her from running off, still does this at times and then gets mad at the cat for scratching her. This cat is pretty much terrified of SD at this point, but, that's also what happens when you get a 5 year old a cat and don't teach her how to properly interact with animals. And let's just say there's a good reason SO has never gotten SD any pets smaller than a cat, lol.
She's still a bit of a nutter as far as animals are concerned. Just this past summer she tried to kick my dog in the face when he was just saying "hi" to her, she screeches at him all the time when he goes into her room, and she tormented the cat one day by putting a mouse-head (cat costume) on her and leaving it on (the full story is in one of my old blogs). My SD is definitely developmentally delayed, but not through anything other than the fault of her parents (mostly GUBM) stunting her natural development and growth.
She is now seeing a
She is now seeing a psychiatrist. No diagnosis yet. And yes I agree the whole thing is nuts... But later your rational mind thinks ok that can't happen so no matter how creepy there has to be a reason. My one friend is absolutely convinced she is possessed and she thinks I'm absolutely dumb to even be trying. She will no longer be around the child. You can notttt convince her. My friend also thinks she has mental illness... She says it's all too much. And I gotta admit I kinda agree. :/
I used to think SD was
I used to think SD was bewitched or something by her grandmother. They accuse me of being witch an actual evil spell casting witch because SD wanted to live with me. We live in a super small town and its rumoured they are like that. SD used to throw crazy tantrums after seeing them or getting gifts from in-laws even phone calls. Her eyes would dilate and then all of sudden she would stop and sing church songs she learned at school as if nothing. DH and I have friends that are "curanderas" they came to our home and gave it a cleaning and told us to smudge SD every night with sage.It's gotten better since. She still tantrums but not as often. The spirit world is scary.
Constantly dilated pupils can
Constantly dilated pupils can be more common in children, but, catmom is right, it could be indicative of a neurological issue, but also anxiety, weak photoreceptors, or an intense interest in what the person is looking at (I've read that your pupils dilate when you look at people that you love). Maybe an opthamologist can help shed some light on that aspect of it, rule out a few things?
The bm didn't drink while
The bm didn't drink while pregnant.