Does anybody get this???
I don't understand why some BM's (not all I'm sure) but some, especially the BM I deal with, act the way they do?? I especially do not understand in my situation. BM and DH were "dating" (if you can even call it THAT serious) for a little over a month. Hardly long enough to get to know squat about the other person. They weren't enganged, they weren't married, they weren't living together, hell I'm pretty sure you all can figure out the only thing they DID do in that short ammount of time....So this wasn't a serious relationship, this was a fling. No time to develop deep and meaningful feelings, no chance really to develop much more than lust and number to call when you were feeling "frisky". So, why does BM act like what her and DH had was some earth-shattering wonderful marriage together and have all this history and all these memories?!?! Really? Uhmmm bitch, if you hadn't gotten knocked up I'm pretty sure he would have forgotten what your name even was by now. So why does she act so butt hurt he has moved on? Was it seriously that big of a surprise to her that he broke up with her, he told her he didn't want to have a kid with her, and he moved on and got married to someone he DOES love? I'm sorry but he could have had a kid with anyone who he had sex with in the past that had working lady parts, so it's not some kind of super special miraculous thing that she got knocked up.
The other thing that blows my mind is that BM has been the biggest bitch and pain in my ass towards me since me and DH first got together. I entered the relationship prepared to be mature and civil about things, but time and time again she has been nasty and underhanded. She never wanted to meet me. She never wanted to know anything about the woman who was going to be around her kid for the rest of her life. Sooooo I could be just some psycho vindictive woman who treats her kid like shit (which i'm deff not lol) and she would have no idea? If I had a kid with someone I was no longer with and they got married, sure as shit I would want to know who my kid was going to be around on a regular basis. But of course, her reason for having a kid was to get attention, $$$, and a tax break, so I guess I can see why she doesn't give a crap.
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Woops, sorry about previous
Woops, sorry about previous post - my computer seems to have a bit of a mind of it's own.
BM's like to be in control. They are miserable so in turn they try to make you miserable. My BM is very good at this. I don't let it show but she is good at it. I do my best to learn what makes her miserable and execute those behaviors, one of which is ignoring her.
Our BM was nasty too. Even
Our BM was nasty too. Even when her and H were together, according to him. Major control freak. I have never actually met her either, unless you count a person screaming at a complete stranger meeting someone...
She has never gotten over the fact that she was unable to rope H into marrying her or buying a house with her (both big priorities for her) even after popping out two kids and pinning them on him.
To give her credit, during THIS breakup they were only broken up for 2 months before H met me - he told me 2 YEARS. But I think BM felt that H was like a yo-yo. She would throw him out and then reel him back in when she needed him for something. She had the ultimate guilt inducing phrase - "For your kids' sake!" According to her, it was a choice between him being miserable with her or the KIDS being miserable.
Guess what? The kids weren't all that miserable to have a place to get away to where there isn't someone hollering every day.
Tofu- You have just literally
Tofu-
You have just literally described my situation with BM as well.
Why??? are they like that? I'll tell you one thing, every woman is different. It all depends on the personality and level of maturity. A good education does not hurt either.
I do not get it either. BM does not know jack sh** about me either nor has any interest to know the woman who is around her 6 year old so frequently. I've been harrassed by her and she still to this day tries to cross boundaries. I, on the other hand have been nothing but civil to her.
One word: JEALOUSY }:)
I guess I realize that it is
I guess I realize that it is jealousy, what I don't get is why she feels she has any ROOM to be jealous??? I mean, this woman must take crazy pills or something. If I barely knew someone and got knocked up and the other person flat out told me "I don't want to have kids with you" then what? Did she seriously think that someone she was having a casual fling with who shared nothing with her besides a bed, would want to share the most important and biggest thing he could in his life with her? No. Were they married? No. Did he want to be tied to the rest of his life to someone he blatantly detested? No. She knows he hated her after they split up and has fealt that way ever since. Did she seriously think that her popping out a kid would form some magical connection and they would get back together and be one big "happy family?" I don't know, I guess what BM needs is a counseler and a reality check more than anything.
Sky- I've seen that same
Sky- I've seen that same pattern as well.
All seem to be control freaks prior and what I label as, "Henpeckers."
Normally display prior a passive-aggresive personality, with zero to little empathy.
According to my H (I have no
According to my H (I have no reason to disbelieve him based on what I have personally witnessed and heard from 3rd parties about this "woman"), anytime that she would do something that hurt him, he would ask why and her answer always was the same, "Because I'm a bitch."
She controlled him to a T. One day she actually told him that he was going to stay home from work so they could go look at rings. So they did. When they got back to the apartment, she opened the door, turned around and told him to get the hell out. He asked why she would do that after they had such a nice day. You know her answer. (Lucky for him or he'd have to have paid alimony too!)
I told him she probably got mad because she expected him to BUY her a ring that day!
I hear you completely. DH did
I hear you completely. DH did NOT want children with BM either. She admitted to not using her I.U.D. "thingy" even. DH had TREMENDOUS guilt put on him by his family to stay with her, "for the baby." He was not happy- ever.
My guess is that these types think that they have a "child" in between them and that alone forever chains them to her wishes and demands.
Why??? the jealousy? Here's why, because they see them happy and being their "real" selves with another woman who does NOT need to have a baby to tie that man down. This includes the lovely }:)
inlaws as well.
I'm lucky enough that H was
I'm lucky enough that H was with BM long enough that my in-laws saw her crazy, psychotic, narcissistic side and treat me like a QUEEN for getting him away from that woman that he kept going back to again...and again...and again.
Sometimes the one I am most mad at is H. His excuse is that he needed the lovin' and even bad lovin' was better than no lovin' (Yes, I am only his second...EVER).
I say, I don't care if you needed the lovin' - that doesn't mean that you don't get DNA tests when you KNEW she was a skanky ho! (cheated on him with at least 3 other guys - that he found out about)
Lol I know what you mean...BM
Lol I know what you mean...BM had cheated on DH as well with several men. He had to get a paternity test to prove he was the father because her nasty ass couldn't narrow it down. YUCK.
I myself get kind of angry with DH too. But I guess he knew enough to use a condom even though it broke. But then I wonder to myself, well obviously BM knew she was a liar about being on b.c., and once the shit broke if she really didn't want to get preggo, she could have got the morning after pill.
Have you guys noticed that
Have you guys noticed that the more entitled an ex-wife feels, the more entitled their children grow up? (I have)
"This" BM did not even know how to drive at 29 years old and had to be taught by DH. :O
(huge mega uber red flag there) DH should have run for the hills instead of feeling sorry for the con-artist. Some people can be really dumb in some areas, but bright when it comes to manipulation skills.
Sky- That sounds passive-agressive to me- BTW
I understand you!! BM was a
I understand you!! BM was a pain in my AS* for the first 3 years; thank god it has gotten better since; my DH/ and I have been together 12 years now!!
The worst part is - is when my SD13 THINKS that they were in LOVE...... My DH couldn't really stand her and had to marry her in order for SD to come along when he joined the army..... Needless to say he and BM lasted a whopping 8 months together.
She wouldn't even changer her last name until she remarried three years later
CONTROL - CONTROL - CONTROL
" Medusa" that's a good one.
" Medusa" that's a good one. I need to think of one besides a PITA for this BM.
30 years old? Wow. BM has been in 5 wrecks since DH *taught* her to drive, one being a school bus that she backed in to.