Finally Stood Up For Myself
I'm feeling empowered.
Yesterday was MLK day and I had the day off. I told DH that because he didn't have the day off SS could not stay with me because he doesn't listen. (Read previous post for more info.)
Being that it was football Sunday, DH said "I'll take him home tomorrow morning before work." Well, monday morning at 6:00am, DH asked me "Can you drop me off at work?". I said "No, I'm tired." He said, "Come on, you can drop me off at work and take SS home that way I won't be late to work." (The nerve.) This is my day off and I'm sure for those of you who work a full time job during the week, weekends means lots of work at home. I said, "No, you had plenty of time last night." Like the football lover that he is, he said, "I had the g..." He stopped at the word g for game and got really pissed off and said "That's f@#%ed up." and "that's b@llsh@t. I paid it no mind and went back to sleep.
I'm so proud of myself. In the past I would have allowed myself to be sucked into an argument and trying to explain myself or taken the SS home. I've done that in the past and gotten to work late looking for parking. This is my day off and I wanted to enjoy it.
In any event, DH was late to work but hey, I will not make myself responsible for DH responsibilities I'm tired of it.
Of course, I was distant and quiet all weekend and DH knows that's not like me. I believe in having a peaceful home and will do anything to keep it that way but enough is enough. Sooo, after dinner DH said "I don't like it when your like this. Let's talk." Well, we had a nice talk and hopefully things will get a little better. We'll see. DH is a reasonable and understanding person but because he is the absent parent, he is a bit of a wimp with his son.
Anyway, I feel good that I stood up for myself. I know this won't be the last time I'll have to do it. I'm just glad that I did. The best to all the step parents here.
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Comments
I need to learn how to do
I need to learn how to do that. Usually I just give in to avoid a fight. Way to go.
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
Peace loving hipi not so peaceful anymore
I used to give in to avoid conflict, but I learned the hard way that it's not worth it. All that ends up happening is that I sacrifice myself & the other person just takes advantage of it. It's not worth it, just to keep the peace anymore, because it's not healthy... someone does all the giving while the other does all the taking. If you're the one doing all the giving then you end up running out of good things to give & you lose yourself. IMO - & I might be wrong but I'm still learning - I should expect to receive as much as I give, & I do expect it. And conflict isn't so critical either. Sometimes the best thing to do is fight, as long as you do it in a healthy way... but that's the hard part!
Like I said, I'm still learning.
Well, gotta go. Got work to do!
Hipi
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
Im glad that you told him
Im glad that you told him that because just because you have the day off doesnt mean that you are an otomatic babysitter for a little monster that doesnt even listen to you and that isnt even your kid. He needs to take responsibility for his kid.
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine
Well done
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
WE NEED "A CRANK DAT POWER GIRL"
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
dance of anger
I am reading a wonderful book called Dance of Anger it really explains alot about why we women do what we do sometimes..Like Hipi said about keeping the peace, and what I read is that when we do that and then get angry we look CRAZY!!! cuz it just spills out of us..Like fire from a dragon, if we learn to speak up and not try to keep the peace we might seem more reasonable...ok ok maybe not so much and that wording is not per padum (sp) but it is a good book..It has helped me understand myself a little better.
ok and am going to go in a corner and maybe I should just shut up....
CAN'T FAKE THE FUNK
Love the feedback.
The truth is I grew up in a home with a terribe stepfather that was very abusive towards us and so I subconsciously learned to avoid conflict and became the idealistic peacemaker. Which just means doormat to compensate for my low self-esteem and fear of rejection. Here it is and I'm 42yrs old still having to deal with the affects of the past. I'm learning that people treat me the way I treat myself. (Harsh reality.) I can't fake the funk. At work and in business I'm totally different -- Ambitious, determined, focused, over-achiever, self-assured, uncompromising, etc., etc. etc. (Go figure) Love relationships and even in friendships I'm usually the martyr and the one people can rely on even to my own detriment. Had a nervous breakdown 2 yrs ago because I had to much on my plate and I kept doing for everyone else and not myself. It's still really hard for me to stand up for myself but I'm doing it one incident a time. I won't fake the funk any longer.
And yes, there is a way to fight fair. I'm still learning. Thanks everyone. (Just wanted to share.)
shut up sai
toomuch I did not mean to say anything against you. I had a very verbally abusive father and grew up being a middle child. I feel ya totally, I was just saying we are the way we are (men dont understand) because of the way we were raised. I was a peacemaker and it caused me much stress too. I stood up to the FH one time about not taking his Bkids home during my Thanksgiving vacation and he made me feel like a btch. it hurt and I believed that I was a btch. I should not have to feel that right? he got up late and did not want to have to be even more late...like you I had had enough.
forgive me if I offended in anyway that was not my intention..Support was what I was giving I PROMISE!!
Totally Understand...
and I wasn't offended at all - loved your comments.