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CPTSD and narcissistic mothers

TooTired's picture

Submitted by TooTired on Thu, 05/06/2021 - 12:36pm

So with the help of my therapist I've identified that my mother was a narcissist and that caused some serious damage that I didn't even realize. I've always struggled with not feeling good enough, having zero self esteem, and constantly wanting to be a people pleaser. I've realized this is where my fear of speaking up to DH about things has come from. I'm wondering if there are any other SPs out there that have had similar issues that then causes extra difficulty with your SP role and how have you or are you overcoming this? 

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Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 05/06/2021 - 2:53pm

CPTSD seems to be a controversial disgnosis. While we've had numerous SMs detail their feelings of stress, anxiety, hypervigilance etc, we also had a member who was in the armed forces and diagnosed with PTSD who took great offense at the idea of stepparents "presuming" to have similar symptoms. Whatever your beliefs, I think it's great that you're working on yourself.

I believe I developed CPTSD, mostly from a long term dysfunctional step situation punctuated with frequent crises, but rooted in a difficult childhood. Anxiety definitely plays a big part for me too, as does the lack of control.

Whatever the labels, identifying what doesn't serve us well and acquiring new tools to address issues is never wasted effort. Keep evolving!

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Thu, 05/06/2021 - 5:26pm

Being under duress for a prolonged period of time absolutely can cause PTSD. Our bodies react to stress by releasing chemicals meant for survival. So if your brain is constantly and repetitively over time reacting to stressful situations. Even when your are away from those stressful situations minor situations will trigger the same strong response. 

I can tell you just the thought of seeing SKs or hearing their names will cause anxiety, heart palpitations, cloudy thinking, mood changes and so on.  That is a severe overreaction, but it is automatic and not in my control. This is because of years of fighting or trying to get away from the situation. 

Over time we can learn to recognize our triggers and train ourselves to react differently.