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Talking to spouse about their child.

toyavh777's picture

Submitted by toyavh777 on Mon, 04/11/2016 - 6:41pm

New to this site but I am glade I found it.
I need some advice. I am 30 I have two kids (5 and 1)
I have been with my husband for about 8 years married for five.
He had a daughter that I didn't see very much (while we dated) because he only has her every other weekend. But know its like I get depressed every other weekend we always end up in a fight.
Tensions are high, there is always some new kind of drama with her and her mom and know my husband wants her to live with us.
My step daughter is always getting into trouble lying, to her mom and getting kicked out of school and she is 11. I try to treat her like I do my own kids but my husband gives her different rules. This sparks the raging fights every other weekend. He never sticks to his punishments and I can't show my kids that there is no consequences to there bad behavior or actions.
Anyone try anything that works?

Comments

toyavh777's picture

Submitted by toyavh777 on Tue, 04/12/2016 - 1:12pm

If I ignore it then it's like condoning it in my own home. My kids will see this. The whole point is to teach and show my kids what a responsible parental figure looks like so that they have a role model in there life. I can't show them that ignoring the problem will make it go away. Plus I tried just ignoring it. It just makes me crazy when she can go for days with our a shower and my husband says nothing. Or that she gets in trouble and gets grounded and then that same day goes over to her friends house to spend the night. It's just bonkers.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 04/12/2016 - 1:36pm

I agree with all that Echo has said.

You are not necessarily condoning her behavior because she is not your child to parent. She has 2 parents and if her father refuses to make her behave and follow the rules, HE is at fault.

Explain to your children that THEY have certain rules - write them down if necessary - because you are their mother.

Explain to your husband that YOU will parent YOUR children. If you two cannot agree on rules and consequences for all children to be the same, then he cannot discipline your children and vice versa.

I need a drink.

toyavh777's picture

Submitted by toyavh777 on Tue, 04/12/2016 - 1:48pm

Yea I will talk to him tonight. Treating one different from the rest will get us no where. All kids live under the same rules. And I will will take my drink now please and thank you.

toyavh777's picture

Submitted by toyavh777 on Thu, 04/21/2016 - 5:50pm

YUP it happened a fight because he said that he is going to move her in with us. I straight up told him NO. So he pleads with me that she is falling in with a bad crowed and making bad decisions the BM doesn't do anything for her and that she needs me, a strong female role-model. I said straight up she does not need me. She needs you and your life will not change you will still go to work come home have dinner go to bed. But my whole schedule and life will change. I would be the one taking and picking her up from school. Responsible for everything I do know with my own kids. So he says he will enlist the help of his brother (does not live far from us). But I feel like he is just passing the buck to someone else. He is asking for the brother to raise the kid for him and she will get away with everything. Because if he already has guilty father syndrome from not seeing her now then how is going to be when she is supposedly living with us and he still only sees her on the weekends. Made some lists on why this wont work for me but my sister pointed out that it would be really awkward to hand him a list of why I don't want SD to live with us. We have to have another talk today. Not looking forward to it.