I HATE my 5 year old SD
Im new here and just wanted to vent my anger and frustration too others that may understand and feel the same.
I met my boyfriend 2.5 years ago and fell in love instantly, unfortunately he had a daughter who was at the time 3. I met this girl pretty early on in the relationship and new right from the off that i would not like her. She did not speak too me for the first half a dozen meetings and was OBVIOUSLY spoilt from the "daddy I want" and have it you shall situation even then. she has made my life a complete misery ever since, when she comes to stay she's allowed too sit up till whenever SHE wants, she eats what she wants when she wants, she always wants his attention, he cant even go to the toilet without her. if we go shopping and she wants something he cant tell her no even if we cant afford it so will try and hide it when she isnt looking and hope she forgets about it. she gets hundreds spent on her at christmas and birthdays. and until i was on the scene if she saw something he bought he'd give it too her cos "she wants it" and buy her something else to replace it. she speaks too him like he is something she has trodden in and he laughs at her. which makes steam come out of my ears. And if she does cross the line its because she is only 5, or its cos she was premature (get over it she's not premature now)It just makes me sick how people can just let they're kids rule them so much. I hate her, I hate her name being mentioned, I hate the pictures of her around my home and quite frankly wish too god her mother would emigrate too new zealand with it. anyway, i have a son who has just turned 13, he is loving, honest, a little cheeky sometimes but in a playful way (with his cheeky grin lol) he has never been spoilt as ive never had the money or the intension to raise a spoilt brat. he is grateful for everything he owns. And ive raised my son alone as his father died when he was 2. but my BF has a go at him for every little thing, the poor lad cant finish eating his last mouthful of dinner before BF is on his case about washing his plate up, cant open his eyes in a morning without BF moaning at him to make his bed ect yet spoilt little golden tits (As me and my son have nicknamed her) CANNOT do any wrong what so ever, she wants something from her room daddy jumps up and gets it for her, puts all her toys away when she's done getting everything out and finished playing. the list goes on i could talk forever. Ive tried too talk to him about her but he just gets on the defensive, he's not gonna spend the weekend shouting at her cos he only sees her weekends (and wants to be favourite parent) ive told him right from the beggining that she will never be welcome too come and live here full time, he knows i dont have much time for her but wont accept the reasons why as its just me being a b*tch too his little princess. anyway will put more if anyone out there has a similar story, would be nice too kindle a friendship with someone of a similar situation. thankyou for listening 
- TrayB80's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I know its his fault not
I know its his fault not hers, im well aware of that and is why ive tried to talk to him about growing a pair n sorting her attitude out but he refuses too believe she is a problem. I love this man and although he is very harsh with my son, his father was the same with him and in every other respect than his own child he is a good person and has good values, he loves my son i dont doubt that. My son has suffered behaviour problems in the past because of his dad dying and my Bf's dicipline and routine has helped my son, and if my boy ever said he disliked my BF then i would consider a parting of ways. I just wish my BF would have some of the same attitude towards his own child then maybe she would not be such a spoilt horrible little brat. does that make sense? :/
Yes it is just a few things
Yes it is just a few things making me miserable, and it is getting where the misery outweighs the happiness as the situation with this girl is taking over my thoughts more and more. I know full well if he came home one day saying she was coming to live with us for whatever reason, that would be the end as i refuse too put myself through this torture 24/7. so that begs the question, should i really be with this man at all. wow i have a lot too think over. thankyou for putting things in perspective.
He's mean to your son. How
He's mean to your son. How can you be OK with that?
Your poor son may never complain or say he dislikes your BF.
My son And I are extremely
My son And I are extremely close as we were on our own for years and ive always made it more than clear to him that he can talk to me about anything. He does know very well that if he came too me and said he did not like BF I would not be mad with him at all. We do sit and talk things over quite frequently and we both feel the same way about his daughter, there is some resentment there from my son towards her because of her being so spoilt and never gets into trouble for anything but he always maintains that as long as he has me thats all that matters too him. And of course i reassure him that i will always love him and be there for him, and that if he ever did feel it was getting too much with BF and SD he can tell me and we would work through it together. so i do feel pretty confident that my son is ok, believe me if i did'nt the BF would be long gone lol
.....
.....
Yikes. I was able to relate
Yikes.
I was able to relate until you mentioned your own BS13. I met my FDH 3.5 years ago, when SD was 18mo, she is now 4 and we have BS1 together. She too was used to FDHs full attention, and the weekends they were together to be all about her. I have changed things right off the bat since BS came into the picture, as the EOWe and holidays will no longer revolve around her existence. I have cut off all planning and paying for fun events to occur when she is here, we now do fun things when she is not here.
I cant imagine 'starting over' with a child that young when you are already in the teen years with your own, and that may be one of the biggest issues. I expect SD to act older because we now have an almost-toddler. She should be able to go sleep no problem and feed herself, go to the potty etc. These issues wont be solved without daddy on board. I talked to FDH a lot about new rules when we moved (eating at the table, asking to get up from the table, having a bedtime, not having a fit when daddy showers/potties/goes outside)..
If he hadnt agreed to the changes to the issues we were having there wouldnt be any progress. I step in as needed, but try to let him do the parenting with her. If she starts having a fit that FDH needs to go outside or down to the garage for something quick, I make sure she goes to her room. She knows that if she cries or says she doesnt want to with BM she will get whatever she wants. Its a tough age for sure, Im thankful that shes only here 4-6 days a month, Im not sure what id do if she ever needed to live here.
I left out the line of my
I left out the line of my reason for doing so. Why should it be SMs responsibility to make sure skids have fun? Why isnt dad planning and paying for these events? This is not a household of all fun and no rules. Its not play your heart out until you collapse cause theres no bedtime and no need to clean up after yourself.
I would always expect ANY mother to favor their own child. YOUR own mother would favor you over someone elses kid and I bet YOU would too. I would fully expect BM to save SDs life and let the bus run over any other kid on the planet, thats just how it is.
I stopped planning and playing for things to occur because I was unappreciated. FDH has not planned and paid for ANYTHING to occur since I stopped doing so. IF he wanted fun things to happen HED make sure they did. If he wants her to sit on the couch all weekend every time shes here, so be it, thats what was happening before I ever came along.
kayro, you are half right.
kayro, you are half right. Yes, mothers dislike and don't trust stepmothers because they sense --usually rightly-- that she will favour her own child over skids.
But there is another part of this equation that you need to see to have a more balanced perspective than just the pro-BM, pro-skid one. Most BMs also do not really want another woman, especially their exH's new lover, forming a loving bond with their children. They are threatened, jealous, controlling and --purposely or not-- often alienate the children from the SM and cause loyalty conflicts which make the SM-skid relationship very difficult and unfulfilling for the SM.
Further, most BMs don't give a damn about the SM's other children either--whether they are step-siblings or half-siblings to their own kids. They think ONLY their children should matter in the dad's home and don't care at all how her actions affect the family on the other side.
Combine these two things and you realize how hypocritical it is to label SMs as wrong to focus on their own children and to strive to have a consistent family life that does not revolve around non-resident skids.
I do think a lot of your points are valuable but you truly are missing the whole picture--just as much as the people on here who only see their own perspectives and do not see things from the skids or BM's point of view.
I try to see everyone's perspective in these blended messes and honestly, it gives me a raging headache. It seems some things really are hopeless to make "right" for everyone involved.
"I try to see everyone's
"I try to see everyone's perspective in these blended messes and honestly, it gives me a raging headache. It seems some things really are hopeless to make "right" for everyone involved."
I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I think the person you really
I think the person you really should be angry at is Dad. HE is the one spoiling her and indulging her. If HE doesn't get the situation under control now, things will get much worse. You can't control how much others spend on her. However, you can control how much you spend on her.
If you have tried to talk to your BF about his daughter with no success, perhaps it's time to evaluate the direction in which you see this relationship going and decide what your next step will be.
Please do try to remember that at 5, she is still very dependent on her Dad for her needs and still needs him greatly to teach her how to behave. In reality, neither you nor she are to blame for this situation. Kids can really sense when they're not liked for things and situations that are really beyond their control.
You hate his child and he's
You hate his child and he's an ass to your child. (Maybe because he hates your son and isn't afraid to show it)
Why the heck haven't you both walked away?
What happens if BM dies or can't have custody of SD? Do you really dad will send her to live with someone else?
Thankyou for responses, its
Thankyou for responses, its very much appreciated. wow i feel like such a retched cow. Sonja you are right it is hard having such a wide age gap between the children as i feel ive already done my "bringing up children" and my son is now of an age he is very independant and doing his own thing. I do pretty much let him do the parenting of his daughter but i do step in when he is just stringing out a tantrum by playing into it ect. or if she does something i totally do not agree with. Me and my son have lived in this house for over a decade so when she comes along and is allowed to get away with stuff ive never let my son do here it really grates on me and i will have my say wether he likes it or not. As for days out and holidays they are pretty much out of the picture, they dont happen as spending a weekend listening too her whinning and him talking to her like she's 1 with his pathetic baby voice is enough too make me want too vomit let alone an entire week away. id need a holiday too recover from the holiday lol. On a light note whn me and SD are alone she is a totally diferent child and will abide by my rules without argument, i have been over this with BF and it seems to make no difference at all. Im not at all horrible too this child and do my best too show her affection (kisses n cuddles) but sooner or later she will pick up on the fact that its forced affection. As for the spending it is BF that is spoiling her i dont really have a problem with what her other family spend, thats up to them. but i do object too us spending so much on this child.
Anon, Thankyou for your reply also. In response i do understand that she is only a little girl and that he is to blame, and do know she is quite dependant on him still but she is in full time education, im sure her teachers dont wipe her bum for her and stand in the loo while she has a wee lol its just pathetic things he will do for her that I KNOW FULL WELL she is more than capable of doing for herself. I could rant on forever so i'll stop now. I just need some advice on how too make my BF see what he is turning this girl into and make him realise he needs too stop it now before she grows into a horrible person that nobody likes. he thinks its ok cos she's only 5 and he can begin the teaching process when she;s older. start as you mean to go on is my motto lol xxx
Yeah chances are she is fine
Yeah chances are she is fine at school too and does as she is told, although she has recently moved schools because she asked too as the other kids were picking on her all the time, which begs the question, is she acting the spoilt little princess with them too so they retaliate. who knows. but yes it is all on him and he needs a serious reality check, but like you say acknowledgement is the key and he will not accept in any way shape or form that she is a problem. I mean really she could take a dump on the living room floor and he would probably tell her what a clever little princess she is for going looloo all by herself. then offer to wipe her ass lol. So yeah im pretty stumped for what to do.
You are totally right i
You are totally right i should indeed just walk away, or kick him out its my house lol. but you hit the nail on the head when you said a 'guilty' dad with no parenting skills, ive said it too quite a few people including him that he treats her so pathetically because he feels guilty for not being with her all the time, even tho it was the ex that broke the family up not him. Too be fair he is a great BF in the way he treats me and ive never had that. but i do sit and think on a daily basis how much longer i can deal with this pathetic approach he has too her. It literally drives me up the wall, i feel sick too the pit of my stomach when i know she is coming. I just keep telling myself that sooner or later the penny will drop and he will she her for what she really is (what he made her) a selfish, materialistic, babyish, pathetic, spoilt little spastic. But can i wait for something that may never happen. :/ my brain hurts.
Oh I know that evil ugly
Oh I know that evil ugly expression oh so well... I've been with B/F for over 2 years, his little miss sunshine was only 2 when we met. She is going on 5 and quite honestly there are times I have contempt for her. She turns our house upside down playing her parents against one another. She knows exactly what to say to get her daddy wrapped around her finger. And there I stand out in the cold. The fake crying, the pouty face, then there is the "I wanna go see my mommy" which never fails to get her daddy to do whatever she wants. We can have $20 left in the bank and he'll spend $19.99 on her to make her love him more. I know it's his fault for falling for her tricks. She's 4 but not stupid. I've done everything for this little girl, I know her better than BOTH of her parents. I take her to the zoo, the park, fairs, parades, you name it I've done it with her. I've taught her her numbers, the alphabet, taught her how to tie her shoes, her BM forget and my lovely B/F doesn't have the patience. I know her clothes/shoes sizes. Her BM has to call me for that information. She's too busy with her other 4 kids to pay any attention to my SD. I show her love and affection, I stay home with her when she is sick. I know what makes her tummy feel better and if she needs medicine I'm the one that knows when and how much to give her. It used to be When it's just the two of us she would behave, no meant no, there was no pouting, there were no fake tears. Now suddenly, if my b/f stands near me or sits next to me at the dinner table I get evil little stares. If I ask her to do something, like IDK, pick up the play doe she's just ground into our carpeting. I get I hate you, you're not my mom. I don't have to listen to you. She's even tried the "I want my mommy" with me but that just gets her shoes on her feet and in the car to her house. I have no say, no power. It's taken away from me the minute he walks in the door and those stupid fake tears bubble up and she cries that i've been mean to her. I get an evil stare from her and a "what did you do" from him. What did I do, you might ask.. I made her eat something besides choclate and sugar.. the horror, i asked the little brat to eat her veggies and something with nutritional value... I know that the problem lies with him... I have issues with that, it's the only thing we fight about, how he'll baby her, he'll dress her, feed her, carry her around like a baby... I feel your pain TrayB80... i feel it and i'm living it
OMG Jenny you have totally
OMG Jenny you have totally just described my life there. apart from the looking after her part and knowing everything she needs as she wont let me in that much, and to be honest i try my best not too spend any time alone with her now because she has wound me up too the point i point blank refuse too look after her. At the end of the day she comes too see her dad, not me. Ive tried hugging her when she falls and she pulls away from me and runs off too daddy as she knows he'll give her a good half an hour of full on attention for a scratched knee where as i would rub it hug her and then make light of it by joking around, the way i was brought up too get over little scrapes. but hey she is just pathetic and will drag it on for as long as possible. If me or her dad dare too say no to anything its 'want mummys house' and she will repeat that phrase until her dad pacifies her with the very thing we said no too in the first place. which then causes an argument. And yes i also have the buying her things we cant afford so that she loves daddy more than mummy, he pretty much has too make sure she has something new everytime she comes (theres a suprise for you in your room) spoilt little git. and new clothes even though i think its wrong as he pays £150 per month too her mother for things like that, why should we supply her clothing on top. she does the sitting between us, if he follows me into a room she will sit and shout daddy until he goes back too her, everything is all about her and nobody else exists while she is here. it just goes on, and yes she knows exactly what she's doing and how too get what she wants from daddy. Quite frankly i do wonder why im still in this joke of a relationship sometimes. Oh i forgot he announced too me last night that it now has a mobile phone, SHE'S F*CKING 5 for god sake, call me old fashioned but that is wrong at her age, she cant even bloomin spell to text anyone and who does she know too text at her age. its so he can call her everyday too see how she is, GREAT so now ive also got too sit and listen too him talking too her in that retarded baby voice everyday and telling her what a clever little princess she is cos she can answer a flipping phone whoop whoopdey doo it can press a button, WOW how clever. too be fair and im not just saying this because i dislike her so much but she is very slow for her age, maybe im just comparing her to my son who was always very forward and is a very intelligent child but she is excuse my french f*cking retarded or something, but maybe thats because of how she's wrapped in cotton wool. anyway jenny hope too talk (rant lol) to you again :o) xx
Its ok i laugh at myself all
Its ok i laugh at myself all the time anyway, if i didn't laugh id cry heehee
Oh we've had the phone
Oh we've had the phone conversation. That is one battle I have won for now anyway lol... Yes I look after, I'm the only real parent the girl has, her BM watches Bad Girls Club and Jerry Springer with her, oh and she has taught her how to roll around and hump the floor like a stripper. And well my captian america just buys her love and let's her do as she pleases. She has to have someone to try to teach her right and wrong and to try to have a little self respect. Don't get me wrong there are times I want to leave for the weekend when she's here. But that would be EVERY weekend. I do get so frustrated I sleep the weekend away to preserve my own sanity. But I love this man, so loving him means loving and being with his daughter... So I suck it even when I'd rather boot her out of my house... Thanks trayb80. I really thought I was alone, talk/vent to you soon