PAS?
I actually had a great weekend with the skids and made my best effort for dh's sake. This weekend I made sure I went above and beyond my call of duty as a sm to make the skids feel more comfortable, which made dh happy. I feel that bm is trying to alienate the skids from dh. The skids acted different this weekend, well mainly sd9 (who I love and adore). It breaks my heart that she spent the weekend whining and complaining how her mom's house is better and being a stuck up snob wanting to know how much stuff cost. Before dh picked them up (and after many failed bm attempts to keep them from him) bm had them call and say they did not want to go. Also sd9 was rude to dh the entire weekend, but was still her nice normal self with me. I asked her if everything was ok and made sure she knew that both dh and I love her dearly (I actually do love this one) and that if she ever needs anything or even just wants to talk we are only a phone call away. Her mother's influence was so strong this weekend that we have decided that no matter what comes up we will not allow them to spend so many weeks with bm. It's almost like bm is grooming her to be just like her and this is the first weekend I saw it. Sd9 wasn't her normal silly fun loving self and did not snap out of the way she was acting like the other two skids did after awhile. Does this making any sense? I feel like I know what I mean in my head but am having a hard time articulating.
My question is what can we do to make sure we don't lose the kids to Bm's games? How can we make sure that their relationship with their dad doesn't become a hostile one where they are refusing to see him and treat him bad? How do we combat PAS? Are these the early stages of PAS?
- triplea2006's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
From what I have read about
From what I have read about true PAS, the only way to stop it, is for the child(ren) to be taken away from the PASing parent.
Which doesn't always work. In
Which doesn't always work. In our case, it just made BM the victim and PAS that much easier :(.
I'm sorry. It feels as if
Egh, dup
Egh, dup
Do you know any websites that
Do you know any websites that I can go to do research on what it is exactly? I'm having a hard time finding stuff on it. Is that enough of a reason to take the skids (we have more)?
http://drcachildress.org/asp/
http://drcachildress.org/asp/site/parentalalienation/index.asp
I try to stay away from the
I try to stay away from the subject of her mother because I loath her existence and when they bring her up I either nod or if it's something about what bm bought I just say she has nice taste. Should we stay away from the bm subject all together unless they bring her up (we pretty much act like she doesn't exist)?
The kids need to be
The kids need to be confronted with the truth in factual and non aggressive ways, and be taught critical thinking skills so they can learn to differentiate between lies and truth.
When parents try to cover for the PASing party in order to "protect the kids", all it does is give that party more power.
You can't really stop it
You can't really stop it
And even if you get one judge who will actually recognize the PAS for what it is, BM will just appeal until she gets one that doesn't quite.
I'd guard my heart because in time the child WILL hate if that's what BM
wants. I live the reality of caring too deeply at one time and when you care too much, you hurt too much and feel anger too much to successfully navigate the terrain once it becomes hostile. If that makes sense.
Support your husband in maintaining a relationship with his children until the time comes he can't force visitation. But be open eyed about how things are and probably will be.
You can't love enough to counter a PASing BM very often.
I hate that this is what I am
Second time this book has
Second time this book has been recommended, I think dh and I will need to read it together.
Thank you. Dh did offer to
Thank you. Dh did offer to show the text messages concerning bm not sending clothes after sd9 got upset about not having a bathing suit (which btw is the one we bought for her) for swimming. So something to that effect is not overstepping? Just trying to get a feel because I corrected dh because I thought it was too far. And he did say to the kids when they asked about bm not sending clothes that he is sorry but she has decided not to send clothes for them anymore but that he would get them some new ones.