Can we save this?
My bf and I have 1 baby together she just turned 1. My bf has 2 other kids girl 9 boy 8. He has custody of them, they see their mom every other weekend and once every 2 weeks for 2 hour dinner. He has been raising them since they were 3 and 4 alone. I moved in with him when our baby was 4 months old.
I love him and he loves me we are happy with each other. We get along great and between him and me no issues. He was treating me well.
His kids are the cause of our problems. I feel he treats them better than my 1 year old and when I point out he says I'm crazy. His kids are very lazy, dirty, no hygiene. They don't wash their hands ever unless you specifically tell them. This summer I got tired of arguing daily with his daughter over changing into clean clothes she wore the same pajamas 5 days in a row, not bathing not brushing hair.
He says I'm a bitch to his kids because i won't put up with them being disrespectful towards me. He recently said to me well I've been an asshole to you because you've been mean to my kids.
This are my expectations on a daily basis for his kids:
wake up change into clean clothes,use bathroom,wash face brush hair, make bed, keep room clean.
If we leave the house put on shoes without me having to tell you 20 times.
You eat wipe your face so there is no food on face.
Don't eat with hands or standing up. Use spoon fork and no jumping while eating.
Wash your hands after using bathroom.
Meal time is when the food is served, not at your beck and call.
They have no chores all they do is play on their ipad all day long.
Shower and put dirty clothes in hamper, brush teeth.
But doing those things is a humongous challenge and a fight every day.
If I complain the kids weren't listening. I can't stop complaining about his kids.
We took a trip recently and it was the trip from hell.
I fed the kids 2 hours before leaving, his daughter couldn't just shut up and get out of the way while we are packing. She is bugging the hell out of him, he asks me about a peanut butter sandwich I was like she just ate we are getting ready she can wait. We finally get in the car. I made sandwiches for the road. He turns to me and says can we eat before we go so he goes and grabs the sandwiches and feeds his kids the baby 1 yr old didn't eat. We drive for an hr we get gas he comes out with 2 slices of pizza for his kids, brings the baby a pickled egg and grapes they were buy 1 get 1 free. The baby didn't want egg she goes for the pizza his son screams at her no dont touch my food. Dad goes and buys his son another slice of pizza and my baby gets the left overs. He thinks im reading the situation wrong. The whole trip is about him and his kids. Doesn't care about the baby or me we are non factors.
I specifically tell him im hungry I need to stop for food. When we finally stop he says to me but the kids are not hungry why do we need to stop? I said fine let's just go home. We end up getting the food and as I'm sorting it out he snatches the food from me and tells me not to touch anything. I got a panic attack that I passed out from due to the stress.
I'm I overreacting?
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OMG you have a problem.
Counseling first. Just unreal to treat a 1 yo that way. How can you love a person who acts like that. How are you happy with your BF ? You must disengage from his kids. Let them do what they want. Tell him you will not babysit his kid anymore. Babysitter get treated better then you do. He getting free babysitter, free child care. Free sex . What are you getting out of this relationship?
These things are a huge
These things are a huge challenge because your SO has not taught his kids to do them. He has been a lazy parent.
And pickled egg for a one year old and grapes? is he TRYING to kill the baby? those seem like choking hazards.
I get that he replaced the pizza though. but.. how long was this trip.. seems like a LOT of stops.
My first thought exactly.
My first thought exactly. Was he not around at all when his older kids were babies? What - were they out of hotdogs and popcorn?
This guy really does not seem like the parental type.
Men parent differently from
Men parent differently from women, and many of them simply lack the attention to detail necessary to turn feral young into socially acceptable, well behaved children. Your guy may love his kids, but he's doing a poor job of teaching them boundaries, structure, and routine. Some of this is borderline neglect.
IMO, he had no business having a child with you when he already has so much on his plate, but that's water under the bridge. The two of you decided to reproduce, and now you both need to grow up and deal with this mess.
Where are YOUR boundaries and standards? I suggest you move out and file for c.s.. If you want to try joint counseling and take a parenting class together fine, but do it from a position of strength and don't subject yourself or your baby to more of that.
If this man truly wants this family unit to become functional, he's going to have to get his sh!t together and learn to be a better parent and partner. He needs to get his zoo under control BEFORE reintroducing you and the baby to it. Otherwise, those skids will blame and resent you for the change in their Disney Daddy. You'll be the bad guy, and the skids will hate you.
I agree with what you've said
I agree with what you've said, he actually helps a lot with the baby feeds her, changes diapers. Spents lots of time with her.
She has moved from bottles to cups and drinking out a straw and wants no milk but real solid food. So I get up make her breakfast boiled egg, scrambled depends. A waffle or pancake from scratch fruit it's a small portion. That goes like that through out the day I make her fresh lunch 5 or 6 times a day I'm not working that's what I'm supposed to do right? She likes fresh veggies and fruits. His kids don't they eat nothing but process and frozen foods and after months of fighting I gave up. I feed them what they want. His daughter took a bite out of my daughter's food and said "daddy this vegetable tastes weird is not sweet" I did snicker a lil and said that's how vegetables are supposed to taste. Now that our daughter is eating I'm trying to feed her well. His kids are picky they don't want real food just snacks. The whole trip his kids are complaining they can't just sit and shut up. I told him the baby was hungry I was hungry can we stop for a hot dog. He turns to the kids and asks you guys want a hit dog and he goes well they don't want one. Im like who gives a fuck if they don't? I mean I didn't say it but I tought it.
The baby is the only that needs food every 2-3 hours but he thinks me telling his kids to walt is wrong.
First off, things aren't
First off, things aren't "great between you" if he disregards all of your concerns.
But that being said, let him parent his kids as he sees fit, stop trying to parent them. Let them run around filthy, eat junk all day and wear the same clothes for 6 weeks. He obviously doesn't share your desire to make them productive human beings, so stop trying.
Focus on your baby and how you want to raise her and let him raise his monsters his way.
Hon. This doesn't sound like
Hon. This doesn't sound like a healthy situation AT ALL. I admit EVERY relationship and spouse has shortfalls (myself and DH included) but there are some things that are 100% unacceptable. The anger, the swearing at you, calling you names, not stopping for food YOU NEED becuase his kids don't need anything. He's not tkaing you into account at all. And it sounds like it's been that way the whole time.
You need to look for you. And most importantly remember that how you're treated is going to affect your baby. They're going to grow up thinking that's how a man treats a woman, THAT will become their norm. Kids see and abserve more than we give them credit. Do what's best for you, but also remember that allowing something like that is going to affect your baby as well.
Just food for thought.
Your SO sounds like a jerk.
Your SO sounds like a jerk. I don't think it's a great idea to put yourself in a position of not having power in the household because you aren't working and he is supporting you (I think I'm right there?).
Yeah, you could save it if
Yeah, you could save it if you're willing to put up with crap, disrespect and a lousy partner, but why would you want to?