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He got his license!!

TrueNorth77's picture

SS turned 16 today and GOT HIS LICENSE!!!!!  *yahoo*  This is one of the milestones I have been counting down towards, helping me get to the finish line of a skid-free home. DH will no longer be driving SS to very-walkable places (5 blocks) within our small town of 4,800 people just because SS "doesn't like walking". SS may actually go out and do social activities rather than stay in his room playing video games 18 hrs a day! I'm pumped. Also, SS and I are in a great place, and he's thrilled to have his license so I'm excited for him.

Yesterday SS said to me, "I can probably give SD12 a ride to school now instead of dad". Sigh. SD's school is 2 BLOCKS away. This has been a point of exasperation for me this entire year, because DH was giving her a ride in the morning and then she would walk home. You can see her school from our front porch. We have 2 neighbor girls (they live on either side of us, both are her age) that go to her school and both walk. But not SD! She will sometimes scam a ride home and then immediately go for a walk with friends or hop on her scooter and go around town. It MAKES NO SENSE. But everyone will give her rides. Crazy texts her all the time asking her if she got a ride to/from school, because heaven forbid she walk 2 blocks (even though it's ok to then walk 10 blocks with friends..???). I told SS she does not need a ride- it's absolutely ridiculous that she gets rides 2 blocks. Later, I hear SD asking him for a ride. I said, SD, your school is RIGHT THERE, you do not need a ride! She said, well he said he would give me one, so....  OMG. I know I need to let this go, but I absolutely hate coddling, and now there is a whole new generation of her family ready to coddle her so she doesn't have to walk 2 Fricking blocks to school! I just can't. 

Also, I had said a few weeks ago how I thought things may be at a crossroads with SD, because she was acting aloof. But last time she was with us was great- she was talkative, told me some personal things and cried, etc. So I thought maybe I was wrong. I was not. I don't know what happened at Crazy's last week, but she is a completely different kid this week. She wants nothing to do with me. After 6+ yrs of her hugging me goodnight before bed, she has not done it once this week. She will hug DH right next to me and then say goodnight to us over her shoulder and run upstairs. She will say "Dad, guess what"?, rather than addressing us both (or just me) like usual. I pointed it out to DH last night and he doesn't know what is going on. The whole thing is frustrating because I know Crazy influences her, we don't know how much is typical teen stuff, and I honestly just don't have the patience for this crap. I'm disengaged from punishments, school/Dr stuff, but I do talk to SK's about their lives and SD and I have always had a great relationship. So it does bum me out to think that will change, and the idea of 5 more years with her being aloof is not something that excites me. I don't want to feel awkward in my own home. I may have a chat with her and ask if something is up. 

Have I mentioned I hate being a SM? 


stepmomnorth's picture

On the one hand, it's really great that your SS just got his drivers license and thats a very positive thing!! On the other hand it's really disturbing the way that bio mom coddle SD, to the point of being mad if she is made to walk 2 blocks... There is something seriously wrong with that.

Maybe the independence of your SS could rub off on SD in a good way. I tend to always point out the positives of being independent to my kids starting at a young age. For example my kids in grade 9 will be starting to use the city bus and I point out that even though they don't love it, it means they have more freedom now, they can go to the mall and visit their friends. 

I know, however, that's it more difficult in your case because you have bio mom trying to shut down any independence, even on your time! She will swoop in to "rescue" (eye roll.) how dumb. Could your partner send her a to the point text saying essentially to back off on his time slots with his kids... That he can manage their daily needs... He doesn't need her "help". It's condescending is what it is. Id be firm about it. 

TrueNorth77's picture

It is beyond ridiculous. It's also a tool she uses for PAS- she has skids convinced that us making them walk = bad parenting. I actually think that's why SS is offering SD a ride- Crazy has him convinced she should have one. We do not let Crazy give them rides on our time- DH told her absolutely not. So then she was having her twin sister give SS rides (and he was hiding it from us) on our time- DH told SS absoulutely not. Crazy is one of those people you can't even tell- she won't listen to reason and she has convinced herself we are bad people because they walk 2 blocks. Plus all communication is limited on the OFW app and that is not a topic that is approved, so technically DH can't bring it up, and we at least try to follow the communication guidelines. So now all she can do is send texts to SD asking about rides, and insinuate we are bad parents when she walks, but has no power to do anything about it. 

I feel the exact same way about independence, and DH is mostly is on the same page. We let skids go anywhere they want around town, walk to work (although if DH is home he gives SS a ride because SS will ask and DH can't tell him no), and give them a lot of freedom. Crazy does not. She will not let SS16 even walk the 3 blocks to work from her house. It's insane. She wants to keep babying them and do it all for them so they feel dependent on her.  

stepmomnorth's picture

That does all make sense, unfortunately, that she uses it as an alienation tool. Our bio mom does this too. She wants them to rely so heavily on her. She was mad that my partner made his kids make their own school lunches, etc then made him out to be the bad guy. Cause he made the poor little kids (older) make their own lunches. How bad! And he sent them with a bagel and cream cheese and apparently that wasn't to her standards lol. Crazy how they act this way.