Some teens are very illogical and he does sound entitled.  If he wants to go to this expensive school so badly, then he can figure it out.  If my father and stepmother were willing to at least help me pay for college I'd be happy to go to a less expensive school if it meant I'd get to go somewhere to get my degree.  Sometimes you gotta let them fall flat on their face.  

The entitlement is disgusting to me.

But Im in a sour mood right now.

Is looking like SD17almost18inafeweeks isnt going to graduate high school INDEPENDANT STUDY....

These freaking Skids!

Stop talking to him. You've given your conditions and the buck stops there. You are under no obligation to pay for his studies, especially not the dream ones. You've made your offer mow draw the line - it's that or nothing and he has 10 days to decide.

A complete sentence. I love that you called him out on the bullying. And clearly explained you would be reponsible if he doesn't pay. He's so worried about his life?? Then fund your life, kid. SMH

He's like, um..well, I disagree with that, I just think I did work for this and it should be my decisions. 

Haha! Sure, it's his decision... when he can pay for it. Until then, it's a joint decision and he is going to have to compromise if he wants financial help.

What an ass.

All these choices he can make on his own with his own money. That's how that works as far as choices. We don't have a choice to spend other people's money with reckless abandon. If someone helps us with money we should be appreciative and it's on their terms. 

Well Mr. SS can have EXACTLY what he wants if he can pay for it. He can't get what he wants on somebody else's dime. He needs to learn that lesson NOW!! Thank you for saying no. His future co-workers, bosses, neighbors, roommates and partners will hopefully benefit from him experiencing the reality of "no."

I hope you will institute a "burning platform" approaching a la Rags if he decides to do nothing but lay around in protest.

I promise you that he will be much better off receiving this reality check.

Oh my, agree with everything said here.

"SS, The terms were clear. We can contribute $ amount, period. If you choose a more expensive school, we cannot give more. Here's some of your options (scholarship, loans, work study, etc.) YOU can look into. End of discussion."

I only wish my DH had done this but no, his precious gets what she wants. Private school most likely (because of course she can't talk with him about it, I'm still assuming it's the one she's choosing).

My parents would have withdrawn my college funds if I had acted like SS too. I had a choice of 6 state schools, period, and it was discussed which of the 6 I'd apply to and which I accepted. 

I'm glad you and DH are on the same page. Stay strong! Both of my skids made major mistakes (with their mother's support) when it came to college. DH wasn't consulted. And no one was in the position to pay for out of state private schools x2. While DH pitched in, he did not contribute much nor did he co-sign loans. Both skids are now, several years later, in ridiculous debt and chronically complaining about it. Bad decisions = bad results. 

I'm curious if he is pressuring his mother to cosign too? Or does he think that only DH should be on the hook for his education?

The bank doesn't.  That why they want you to co-sign and be responsible for that loan.   Then SS 14 calked the cops?   That kid would not be in my home anymore.  Just make sure DH doesn't co-sign. Or else you will be owing that loan.

Sorry if this was mentioned but does he have a part-time job to contribute to ANY of the cost? 

Regardless of any student loan SS takes out, if you are financially responsible in any way, take out a life insurance policy on SS, making you the beneficiaries. My parents took one out on me, at the advice of their financial advisor, so if God forbid anything happened to me while I was in school, my parents could pay off the student loan debt they cosigned on and it would be wiped clean. It sounds morbid but you have to think ahead. 

It is his decision. He can go to school wherever he wants. He just has to pay for it without a cosign from you or  his dad.

Pretty simple.

So many kids get wrapped around the axle on where they go to school when the nut of it is that the school they go to just needs to be accredited by one of the accrediting bodies recognized by the US DOE.  Beyond that, all that is left are the intangibles.

My 11yr undergrad journey was long and varied. I attended a combo Jr high, HS, and JC for HS. So I graduated with more than half of my Freshman year of college completed. I was accepted to Princeton on early acceptance but knew I was entirely unwilling to perform at that level. I attended my parent's University for my first two years and accrued about half of the semester hours I should have in that time frame. I transferred to a trade school for a year to get a cert in data processing. My GPA was top of my class and confirmed with the Dean of the tradeschool that I could skip the last 6wks of the program and still graduate. So, I started at a University in the Fall of that year.  I attended as a commuter student for 2 years then transferred to our local CC for a couple of years until my divorce.  I then sold my share of my company to my partners moved back to the State where my first university was located and attended a non competitive entry fully accredited for profit University where I completed my BS.

I have been a 6 figure earner for more than half of the 30 years since finishing my BS.  A number of my class mates have done as well or better than I have.   I graduated with $10K in loans which I paid off in less than a year of graduation.  My parents refused to sign my FASFA forms for their income to be considered for financial aid so no grants, no secured loans, just supplemental private school loans. 

My point is, the goal is aneducation and graduation from an accredited school.  What label is on the diploma other than "Bachelor/Master/Doctor of" is secondary to getting the sheepskin.

My model is not for everyone.  But, it has been effective for me and many others.

Kids need to understand that the resume can get you the interview, the interview can get you the job, at that point it is on you to deliver to the employers needs.  A degree is only part of a resume.  Many recruiting departments do not look for where a degree is from, they look only at whether or not you have one.  Having one, regardless of what accredited institution it is from, is far more advantageous than not having one.

I will say, schools with highly developed global networks of graduates are a huge long term career advantage. The one that I have seen most prominantly represented all over the world where I have worked, is Texas A&M.  Aggies are extremely broadly integrated into global industry and if you wear the ring, you pretty much get the job when there is an Aggie in the hiring decision matrix.

If I rewound to HS graduation, in hindsight, I would likely have rolled the dice and gone to Princeton.  Or, applied to A&M and become an Aggie.  I have no regrets, but... knowing what I know now.......

On the parent guiding an incoming freshman and providing support for that effort front. I would give the kid a short list of schools and a short list of degrees chosse from. Pick one of each and that is what I will pay for. Do something else.... good luck kid.  My duty is to prepare that kid for life. My duty is not to fund a boondoggle of self discovery.  Since more than half of my 11yr undergrad career was just that boondoggle, I learned my lesson and would not fund anything but a focused path for my own spawn.  I paid for the middle 7 of my 11yrs in undergrad. I am eternally grateful to my parents for trusting that I would finally get it done and for subsidizing the last two years of engineering school.

I have learned that life is what happens when you are dreaming.  Fortunately mine has been one of somewhat meandering adventure and notable success.  So far anyway.

Next, I want to retire and then go find the Lost Dutchman Mine, or the Holy Grail, or........ Maybe knock out a Ph.D and teach at a tribal University somewhere in the beautiful low population regions of the Universe.