Hi everyone....feeling a lot of feelings these days since I reconnected with my SD, aged 28.  My hubby and I have been together for 15 years, common-in-law, and I feel like I have paid for being with him since day 1.  I love him, he loves me and we most certainly have weathered some storms.

I went no contact with his 28 year old daughter 3 Christmas' ago when she decided last minute, to spend Christmas with her darling mommy. Her mother was a famous singer in the 80's and her father, my partner, was also a well known performer who bolstered mommy's career, for 25 years.  He got tired of her expecting him to be wait on her,  served, driven around(no license), her meals served, batteries changed in the convertor, well, you get the idea.

When DH and I got together, he and the ex were living in separate bedrooms, for 16 years, after he tried to initiate divorce.  Of course, the ex wanted to protect her public image, so they 'presented' as a couple in public, but were apart within the house.  He told her many times, "I dont'love you and want out", and she laughed because he couldn't afford to leave.  EVERYTHING WAS HERS.  lol

He left her and he and I got together shortly after, as I helped out his daughter, who was 14 at the time, as she was cutting, running away from home etc.  I work with teens. The issue was the mother, who did not attend to this childs emotional needs, would throw the daughter out of the house, etc.  This pulled him and I together as 'mommy' only used the daughter as a stage prop and he was the one who provided the parenting while she slept all day.

Since he and I got together, my reputation was smeared in our community and i was called every name in the books by mommy's dear fans. I had people (strangers) approaching me telling me how upset they were that I "ruined their marriage" and or would call me every name in the book. And the ex went to every party and sang "Your Cheating Heart" at the top of her lungs with tears streaming down her face.  Poor her.  Her relationship with SD was strained and I filled in with supports for SD as she was young.  I helped her with everything from applying to post secondary education (3x as mommy would sabotauge), furnished her apartment, was her soft place to land in every sense. And so was her father.  

Christmas wasn't the first time she stood us up for mommy and I had enough of feeling like my heart was broken.  Fast forward, she is now 28, engaged and her father wants me to go to the wedding.  I met with SD for lunch and she told me this.  

-I have a mom and a dad, and I don't need another one

-thanks for taking care of my dad

-IF you come to the wedding, will you cause a scene with all the people who bad mouthed you because they are going to be there.  And what will you say to my mom because she will be phony and nice to you.  (I said I would only whisper something in her ear and I laughed.)

-I miss the HOUSE.  (my house where her dad I live.  His now too.)

We went yesterday to see SD and her fiance's new apartment and there was a gallery wall with pictures of her mom and dad kissing, her mom's album cover, mom and dad at musical events kissing etc.  I felt sick to my stomach,  

And then, the trip down memory lane started...."dad, did you and mom do.....", "dad, I remember when you and mom did..."....I wanted to leave and was grateful when my hubby said, "well, we should get going!".

ANy ideas on how to move forward?