love skids?
SO told me i should love skids because i love him and they are a piece of him. Um sorry I dont love them. I care about them dont want to see anything bad happen to them. I also want them to have a good relationship with their father. But love them...no.
Lets start with i am a RN and their mother is a CNA. Everytime I go to work they tell me how their mother does the same job. Um sorry but no. BM does not have even close to the same job as i do. IDK if there are any nurses out there but I hate CNAs that try to act like they know more than RNs. BM used to try and pull that with me until i put a total stop to it.
I am a vegan and drive a prius. SS always talks about how great meat is, hunting, plays hunting games (i get to hear the lovely sounds of a hunting video game), how everyone on mommys side drives a big truck, and spells out beer for SO and I. Then has the nerve to complain about how i left the kitchen light on when i went to use the bathroom. GRRRRRRR!
SD is a whiny, dirty little brat. I hate how everytime she eats balogna she has to wipe her hands on my brand new couch When there are baby wipes on the coffee table for them to use! Her attention span could be measured in a nano second. She cant even concentrate long enough to learn how to draw hopscotch. Thinks she owns my living room television. Somedays i just feel like saying "the TV is off limits if i see icarly one more time i am going to go insane"
I do alot for them. I take them places, buy them presents, buy food that they like, every "drop off day" is "party night" everybody gets to eat junk food, play games, watch movies, stay up late. In my family "party night" was every friday, this is a tradition of mine i just made it for whatever first night they come here.
I do as much as i can but i just dont love them. I dont even know if i like them some days.
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There is nothing wrong with
There is nothing wrong with not loving or even likeing your stepkids as long as you treat them right. I don't love my ss and my DH has been told that it will take time for me to do so and it may never happen.
As for the tv thing with SD I would just give her a tv limit, my ss only gets an hour a day of "his" tv time, he might watch a bit of someones elses but if I think he has watched to much in a day of other peoples and he is just watching tv all day, I tell him to go play and kick him out of the living room for a bit, he is almost 8 he can play on his own or read a book he doesn't need to be watching tv. Give the girl a certain amount of tv time and after that she can't watch it. Also don't let her eat anywhere but at a table, my ss can't eat anything unless he is at the table.
I think it is great that you try to do things with them and it sounds like you are doing a good job treating them right, I wouldn't worry about the love thing though. Just because someone is near you doesn't mean you have to love them.
Thanks! that made me feel a
Thanks! that made me feel a lot better. I try our Lroom and dining room is open concept so its hard sometimes i have baby wipes for hands all over the place. I have been trying to put a pretty solid routine into things around the house when their here. I finally got every one eating meals at the same time at the supper table. SO and I had a discussion a while back about a routine and agreed, but we are putting one habit into place at a time. Just so that its not so confusing to them going back and forth between homes. BM and BM mother let them do whatever so its been a challange. Going to take that 1hour of TV thing seriously tho thanks again!
Thank goodness DH never even
Thank goodness DH never even asked me if I liked SD...nevermind love her. Then again, I think his love for her is an obligation more than anything. He's not very good at the whole "love" thing, no matter who it's toward.
I don't love my SS - though I
I don't love my SS - though I know it would make DH really sad to know that. I frankly don't even like him - but I'm not a kid person and have never pretended to be.
However, he's only 5, and he'll say "I love you Siferra!" and of course I reply "I love you too!" It always makes me feel hypocritical saying it, but there's no way I'm going to say "I have complicated feelings towards you, and while I certainly wish good things for your life I am never happier when you're near me" to a child
LMAO i would never say that
LMAO i would never say that either but now i am going to think it. skids say that to me too.
Wow...Now that I am sitting
Wow...Now that I am sitting here reading this, I tell my step daughter I love her, but really inside I am cringing, and the fiancee is CONSTANTLY pushing her to give me hugs of any kind, whether it be bed time or good bye, I always tell him that he shouldn't push/force her to show affection and that she will when she wants to, I tell him that since I can't quite say "Look, I HATE that you TRY to push us together, we don't like each other, now get over it!" As much as I'd like to sometimes. She just irritates the hell out of me, I do what I'm supposed to for her, even go out of my way to get her things, and I honestly think that's the guilt, when I hug her and tell her I love her, it's all a show for the fiancee. Sorry, (Idk all the abbreviations yet, I am still learning them on my own.)When I hug my 14 yr. old biological Son however, it's all a deep emotional love of course, and I tend to stick up for him a lot, I have to because his family and her all gang up on my boy, I've even witnessed him catching hell for somethnig SHE did, it's B.S. and I have to pretend every time she is here and this time, I have to put on a show for just about a month, then be relieved for a couple weeks only to get her back for two more long weeks, well the fiancee is trolling around me and the computer, time to post and close it down. Idk exactly what I'm looking for here, but any kind of something back is always nice, I do love reading all this and being able to relate and not feel so awful and alone. Thank you all for this kind of support.
its sad a lot of us feel
its sad a lot of us feel guilty for not loving skids, but really we are not their mothers/fathers and we dont have to love them. We should all stop shoulding all over ourselfs.
I think a big part of it is because i hate their BM so much. She has done everything to make life hell for SO and in turn makes my life hell. Financially in particular. She drops skids off to her mothers where they are allowed to do whatever they want then they come here and act like they are entitled to do whatever they please. They dont seem to understand that they are children, they need to learn in order to become productive members of society.
i want to have kids with my SO, thinking about starting withing the next year. BUT everytime skids come here i think "would i really want them around my children" hell no they are terrible examples.
As far as forcing the hugging...i would just tell SO to let her develop her feelings. maybe making it seem like its about your SD will make him reconsider.