Long overdue update on Thanksgiving BM drama
Sorry for being remiss! We've been out of town, and things have been going so well I haven't had to worry about this a whole lot lately, thankfully.
Thanksgiving turned out pretty awful. We actually didn't end up going to SO's aunt's place (see my last few blogs if you're interested). SO ended up working late, so we were off the hook. But his two teenagers drove there together.
It turns out that BM was indeed invited, but she didn't go. Instead she told everyone she "really wanted to go, but SO doesn't want me to." I know this because SD flipped out about not getting her way (about something totally unrelated) and repeated it to us, "MY MOM REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THANKSGIVING. WAH WAH WAH!!" So, BM plays the "poor BM" card and gets everyone angry at us. I was relieved none the lesser. I didn't want to be subjected to their cold stares and awkwardness anyway. BM did this in response to SO having multiple conversations with her in the past about the inappropriateness of her appearances at his family gatherings.
Once upon a time, when SO had been married to BM for six months, he decided he'd had quite enough of her crap and moved out. He got his own apartment. BM came over one day and they had sex. She intentionally got pregnant (SD). Oops! He ended up moving back in when SD was a few months old. I already knew this, but I wasn't aware of the following tidbit:
When SD was three or four, SO moved out again. He got another apartment. He wanted to get the hell away from BM, because she's an annoying pain in the ass. This is the funny and appalling part: BM rented a house... ACROSS THE STREET FROM SO. Yeah.
So, I've realized that after SO got remarried, had kids, divorced, and then got me, BM is still trying to "move in across the street." She's tried everything to get him back, because her antics worked in the past. She was able to control him and get between him and his second wife. She's always been the de-facto decision maker in his life...until now.
I've told him he needs to find a way to tell her he's never coming back. I think she needs to be told. He already asked her to change her name back to her maiden name, which I would take as a clue that someone doesn't want me back... but then again I'm not dumb as a brick.
Thanks for your support, everyone. I am so blessed to have found this site.
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Comments
Across the street??? IF BM
Across the street??? IF BM was across the street, I would consider foreclosing my house. It doesn't matter how he speaks to her. She sounds so self absorbed he could brand her on the forehead with "I don't want you", and she will still keep coming back.
Yeah, I would think that
Yeah, I would think that after him moving out twice during their marriage and then one final time, marrying another woman and having kids, getting divorced and then getting into a relationship with me, she would understand that it's over between them.
But no, BM still refers to him as "dad," to her kids. She turns her back on me, stands creepily close to him and tries to flirt when we pick up the kids. He has a hard time getting off the phone when she calls. She doesn't respond to emails with an email... she CALLS him. She'll do anything just for the face time with her "husband." It gives me the creeps.
I think that part of the problem is that he told her the relationship was over... and then he came back...twice. Now she thinks there's a chance he'll come back because of his actions in the past. They've been divorced for seven years.
SO doesn't answer her calls
SO doesn't answer her calls most of the time. He makes her leave a message, and no, it's never anything important. It's usually something she could easily put in a text. But she wants the face time.
BM1 is one of those people who takes 30 minutes to say something that could be relayed in 30 seconds.
SS12 has a cell phone but he never turns it on. So, if SO wants to call him (which he does often) he has to call BM's cell. Every damn time, she acts like he's calling to talk to her. She makes him ask if his son is home.
My DH and PB were never
My DH and PB were never married but she did manage to pop out two kids. They were on again/off again for more times than I probably even know about.
So, why should I be surprised that even though they had been broken up for months..and living in separate places...she STILL reacted to me like I stole him right out of her BED!
BM2 thinks I stole SO out of
BM2 thinks I stole SO out of her bed... the fact is that I wasn't even TALKING to SO when they were still married. But BMs need someone to blame for the failure of the marriage. Heaven forbid they should take some of the responsibility.
I've been accused (not to my face) by MIL of "having designs on SO while he and BM1 were still married." Ha. Then why did he marry BM2 when he divorced BM? I suppose that was my fault too...?
Stepmoms get blamed for everything.