SD Threw a tantrum
...because we won't do her laundry.
She put her dirty clothes in the hamper by the washing machine and assumed they were just going to "wash themselves" like they did at her BM's house. We moved the clothes back to her room, because it's not our job to do her laundry and pick it up off of her floor after she's discarded it.
When she first moved here, she ran out of clean clothes after a month. She was too lazy and entitled to wash so she begun taking my clothes out of my closet when I was not home.
She's seventeen. Old enough to do laundry, right?
So she threw a tantrum at her dad like a two year old.
She's going to a counselor today. I don't know if it will help but at least it's something. I'm tired of this and I need some peace in my home. It's been like this every single day since she moved in.
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Comments
Wow she's a teenager
Wow she's a teenager alright!!
What's funny is that there isn't much of a difference between your 17 yr old SD and my 3 yr old SS!
Hope the counseling works out for you!!!
Ha ha, thanks. Yes, she is
Ha ha, thanks. Yes, she is about as mature as a three year old. Only difference is that three year olds don't sneak out the windows, have sex, smoke cigarettes and pot, lie compulsively, steal, and break into your house when you're out of town.
My eight year olds were
My eight year olds were learning to do laundry and household chores started at age 3.
These entitled skids are something else! Good job BM for free ranging your uber spoiled brat!!
Good for you for teaching
Good for you for teaching your kids responsibility. We should be, after all, raising adults, not children.
If this situation wasn't hard enough already, SD goes to BM who promptly invalidates us and tells SD we're "neglecting" her, and that she should just be "allowed to be a kid." She comes back from a visit with BM and has regressed about four or five years. Thanks a lot, BM.
That's crazy... When she
That's crazy...
When she moved in with you all, did you communicate to her what she was required to do?
I know that when my SD7 comes over, she has completely different standards than we do, and DH sat her down (and continues to sit her down) to explain over and over what she's supposed to do in OUR house...
If her mom always washed her clothes and picked up after her, of course she'd expect everybody else to do it...UNLESS she's been communicated to her responsibilities...then rinse and repeat..and repeat...and repeat...
And her going in your closet is a mess...
I would have already had a lock put on my door. Does she have access to your home when you and DH aren't home?
SD is NOT allowed in my room for any reason...In our new house that we've been in for a year, I don't think she even knows what our bath and closet look like...Sure she's seen into the room, but my room is my safe haven and is off limits...
We put an inexpensive lock on
We put an inexpensive lock on our door a few months back... only to learn she was picking it with a credit card. We're now in the process of upgrading the lock. It's so frustrating to have to keep my valuables out of sight in my own home. In the past, she's stolen (and disposed of) a set of keys, a cell phone, money, makeup, clothing... you name it.
Honestly, we did not sit her down and tell her what her duties were from the start. She knew she was to keep her room clean and help wash dishes, but we did not anticipate she would become such a huge problem. A few months ago, we made her sign a contract outlining what was required of her and the consequences of not following through. She has had a hard time with it.
Needless to say, she knows we are not going to do her laundry and has been told before. It takes a while for things to sink in with her, especially if she doesn't want to hear them.
Upon thinking about this, I realize the true reason she got so upset was because we MOVED HER STUFF. I've come to believe that spreading one's things around a communal living space is akin to marking one's territory. It's a form of violence. I once had a roommate that would do this. She was a passive aggressive slob who's stuff would gradually spill out of her room, down the hall and into the living room. When I moved it (after some months) she had a fit. It's an "ownership of space" mentality.
But frankly, I don't give a damn about her need to "spread." It's my house and I will not clean up after her any more. She's either going to learn this from me and her dad (the easy way) or she's going to learn it when she gets her first roommates and they kick her out (the hard way).
Thanks for your comments!
Wow... You know you CAN do
Wow...
You know you CAN do something that my mom used to do that taught us VERY quickly about leaving our stuff around and not picking up after ourselves in the communal areas...
Every couple of days, she'd walk around the house with this trash pail...She'd dump everything in it...Pagers (at the time when those were the rage), make up, clothes, jewelry, hair clips, books, walkmans, etc...etc...etc...She didn't care...Then she'd set the trash pail on the back stoop outside...Didn't care if it was raining or whatever...
She got tired of talking...After a while (though we didn't appreciate it) we got the message, and I'm pretty much a crazed neat freak because of it...I can't WAIT to use this on my DS, lol!!!
I use an amended version with my DH...I just take all of his crap and throw it in his closet in a pile...
This sounds so similar to
This sounds so similar to what we went through. I had to keep my bathroom and bedroom locked. She'd break in, even smashing the door jamb and trying to glue it back together. When told she was responsible for cleaning her own bathroom, she just left it a pig sty, even managed to plug up the toilet and left it to over flow all over the floor and into the hallway carpet. When he Dad told her to clean it before taking her to her mothers, she sprayed toilet bowl cleaner on everything, then mopped it up with the bath towels! When asked to clean and wax the table after spilling soda all over, she sprayed Pledge all over it and left it to dry. When told to clean her room because it stunk of dirty clothes and rotten dishes, she'd cram it all into her dresser drawers, food and all. She was absolute hell to live with!
Holy cow. I'm so sorry you
Holy cow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
This is not too far off from my SD's idea of "cleaning."
How did you get her out?
We had her 50/50, switching
We had her 50/50, switching off every Monday. One Monday, she just didn't come. SS said she wanted to stay at her Mom's an extra day. That extra day turned into weeks, months, the rest of her high school career. She turned 18 in April and is still there. Our home is so much more peaceful now
Shielded and Echo, these are
Shielded and Echo, these are wonderful ideas. We're trying to implement something similar.
SD broke a window to get in the house when we were out of town recently. We're going to make her paint the garage to pay us back. She won't be getting her cell phone back until it's done.
Does anyone else have the urge to just take things stepkids have left sitting around?
I tried doing the same thing,
I tried doing the same thing, but she didn't really care. Out of sight, out of mind, and she'd knew she'd eventually get Dad or BM to replace whatever she was missing. Instead I'd collect it all and dump it in her bed. Let it be in her way instead of mine (while invaded HER room, like she did mine).
Right, she's been taught that
Right, she's been taught that she "deserves" things like a three hundred dollar cell phone and carte blanche to do whatever she wants. I would like to see her go back to mom... she'll be eighteen soon but is nowhere near the level of maturity it takes to live on her own.
I've been hoping she would make the decision to move back herself so that we would get less crap from MIL and BM about "kicking her out." I think if that happens it will happen in a gradual way like what happened with yours. Maybe she'll just go to BM's and never come back.
See...it's stuff like
See...it's stuff like this!!
SD only visits every other weekend so there's no 50/50, but she stays in the guest room when she visits...DH calls it her room to her, but to me when addressing it, it's the GUEST ROOM...and when folks visit us, that's where they stay...She doesn't have her own area at our home...HAAAAYYYEEELLL naw!
I do NOT want her to EVER feel comfortable to do that type of stuff...
I'm okay with her walking on pins and needles thinking she's at a hotel when she visits...
"I'm okay with her walking on
"I'm okay with her walking on pins and needles thinking she's at a hotel when she visits..."
I wish SD were capable of this. Unfortunately she thinks this IS a hotel... with complete maid service. And someone else is paying for the room!
SD has been sleeping in our guest room for about a month now. The other day BF told her she had to go back to her own room and she threw a giant screaming fit.
No, SD, you don't get TWO rooms. Only one.
Oh hell no! She shouldn't be
Oh hell no! She shouldn't be sleeping anywhere but her own room. I found SS13 in the guest room, lying on the bed, and promptly kicked his butt out. This is not your room, and you're not allowed in here for anything!
Ugh! I hope and pray this
Ugh! I hope and pray this isn't what I'm headed for when SD gets to be a teen...
I need to make the appointment for the home security person ASAP for this new house...I keep forgetting... :?
If your SD is still a kid
If your SD is still a kid (and not a teen) now is the time to teach her to do chores, pick up after herself, etc. It will be a lot easier now than it will be in five or ten years. My SD has been ruined from years of entitlement training and being told she "deserves" things by BM. I don't believe she will ever learn to be accountable now.
I used to care about her well being. Now I just care about my own sanity.
When my ss13 used to leave
When my ss13 used to leave stuff lying around I just throw it away. Sorry, but I do. What was happening for years is that he would come down on the weekends and drag everything out in the room, urinate on all of his blankets and stuff them under his bed or in the closet and my ds12 was the one cleaning all this stuff up-I didnt even really know. My ds12 was kind of a neat freak (sadly not so much anymore) and he would clean it as soon as ss left so I never really got the picture or what was going on until my ds finally started complaining. My ds was asking ss to nicely (I would overhear him) to put stuff away once he was done with it and ss would reply, "why should I-I'm going to be leaving and you'll have to clean it up"-so after that i forbade my son to pick anything of his up and I just started throwing it in the trash. SS13 never said a word about any of the missing items.
Both SD and DD started to do
Both SD and DD started to do their own laundry at around 13. At seventeen she should be doing it herself. Was she informed of this ahead of time? Maybe get her a hamper for the laundry room.